Monday, January 5, 2009

Man Monday - Our First Installment!

Welcome back to reality, everyone. I'm guessing this post finds most of you at your first day back on the job since the holidays. So what better way to waste... I mean... spend your time at work than with our first installment of Man Monday?

Man Monday posts will share with us the XY perspective on dating, relationships and what the fascination is with Gisele Bundchen.

For now, these posts will come courtesy of The Male Guest Blogger (TMGB), who some of you may remember has been emailing me since I put out the request for guest bloggers.

Please comment on this post or email me if there's anything specific you want to hear from TMGB. (Like why men insist on leaving the toilet seat up or tuning you out when they're watching sports.)

I’m sure the readers of 27 Dresses in Cleveland have probably heard single people complaining about the holidays before. After all, this time of year is when single people wonder if the gods planned this part of the calendar to curse them: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day all lined up in a nice neat row, in the middle of winter when everyone who is coupled up is making love by the fireplace (or so it seems).

For those of you not fortunate enough to be Italian, I’d like to share another time-honored single person’s holiday annoyance with you – drop-dead gorgeous cousins, or DDGC’s, as I like to call them.

DDGC’s are people you see maybe 2 or 3 times a year in person. The rest of the time they only exist as your friends on Facebook or Myspace, where their photos silently remind you just how pretty they, and their significant others, are. DDGC’s don’t show up for Thanksgiving because they are with their boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancĂ©e/husband/wife’s family, and, on the holidays that they DO show up to your family party, they are always the first out the door so they can scamper off to spend time with their beloved one, while you get to hang out some more with the old-timers and sleep in whichever corner of the house has room.

Meanwhile, you also have to endure the time honored tradition (and I know AAB has blogged about this before) of having your relatives speculate on why you’re still single. Thus it doesn’t help that most of those annoying DDGC’s are younger than you are, because even if they don’t say it out loud, you can tell they’re thinking it: well he’s only 24 and HE’s got a girlfriend.

And, of course, while this exercise is going on, you’re thinking: Yeah, whatever. He’s also 6-foot-5 and was blessed with the metabolism to be able to consume vast quantities of pasta and meatballs and still stay trim and fit, a gift not all of us were given. But of course, you instead smile and make a joke about waiting for women to come to their senses. And, if your mother is within earshot you can count on her to loudly insist (with the help of several glasses of wine) that there isn’t a woman alive that’s good enough for her little boy. This is about the time that you attempt to plot your escape in the direction of the bar, where it is now officially time to break out the shot glasses and the sambuca.

Of course, now the holidays are over, and my DDGC’s won’t be seen or heard from again until at least Easter. I hope that I won’t have to hear or see what they are up to on Valentine’s Day, but I do hope they keep trying to cheer me up about my upcoming 30th birthday. Some of the suggestions I’ve received have been, well, let’s say colorful, and I’ll be back next week to share some of them with you. Until then, Happy New Year everyone!



Melanie S said...

haha, I love it. I know the feeling. Only the cousins I am thinking about, for the most part, are plain looking and high school dropouts. (This may be worse actually!)

Famously Single said...

Welcome TMGB! So have you and 27 dresses met yet?

Nick D said...

Famously Single, no I haven't had the opportunity to meet AAB quite yet. However, I'm willing to meet with her or anyone else who'd like to!

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up a minute, TMGB. Is this blog now your personal dating service?