I hate winter. And not because of the snow. (Well, I don't exactly love the snow. But I do love the changing of the seasons, and if we didn't have winter we'd miss Spring and Fall.)
But on to my point. I hate winter. Why? One word: GLOVES.
I have seen many cute boys out and about lately: at Banana Republic (or BaMANa, as you know I've renamed it), walking downtown during lunch, at Heinen's after work.
But they've all had gloves on... so I can't see their hands to tell if they're married or not! (But I do know that they certainly don't have frostbite. Good for them.)
(I suppose I should assume that any man wearing gloves probably has a wife or girlfriend because, really, what guy buys gloves for himself?)
Anyhoo... enter my new invention: MENttens: Gloves for Men. Proof for Ladies.*
(I considered something like "Love Gloves" for a hot minute, but then realized that "love gloves" is probably already patented and means something very, very different for most of you.)
MENttens would work similar to hypercolor shirts from the '80s + a stoplight. Basically, the left ring finger would turn red if the guy were married, yellow if he were in a relationship and green if he were single. (And, seeing as most men are oblivious anyhow, they probably wouldn't even notice the color change when they slipped the gloves on their hands.)
But how could you get guys to actually wear the gloves, especially the ones who are trying to hide their relationship status (once they figured out the color changing trick)? Make the MENttens smell like pizza, look like the interior of some fancy sports car and feel like Heidi Klum's boobs on the inside. Oh, and the more regularly the guy wears them, the bigger his... um... brain gets.
Who wants to place the first order?
*This concept property of Always a Bridesmaid. Any attempt to use this idea without express written consent from the inventor will result in you being required to force Paul Rudd to marry me.