Working on my letter to St. Nick

Remember last year how blogmom and blogdad discovered that St. Nicholas is actually the patron saint of single women?

Well, apparently jolly old St. Nicholas isn't happy with telepathic requests. Guess he actually wants me to write an honest-to-goodness letter to Santa before he brings me my Prince Charming.

So, no bullshitting. I'm totes writing a letter to St. Nick this year and tucking it away in a safe place. Then I'm gonna pull it out next Christmas to see if he brought me something (or someone) that matches what's on my list.

Help me get started. What should I make sure I don't forget? I only have a few days to get this right...

Once again proving...

... that men and women think TOTALLY differently.

While emailing with a male friend today to finalize our lunch plans for next week, he mentioned that he finally got around to reading my blog after months of teasing me about it.

His response to my recent prayer card post? (You know, the one that is all sweet and talks about being pure and finding a life companion and other virginal stuff? Yeah, that one.) This is what he had to say about it:

do you think there is a prayer card that will help me meet slutty women?

Nice, Doug. And male reader Narm commented on that same post:

Whoa - there is a prayer that also involves 50 days of indulgence? AND it comes with dessert??? What church do YOU belong to.

Sounds like both boys are looking for some sort of dessert (both figurative and real). And come to think of it, I guess I am too... but mine would be in the form of cake. Beefcake.

Praying for my love life... again (again)

I've written before about my religious (but not in a psycho holy roller on the loose kinda way) family sometimes getting extra Catholic on me to help me find a husband.

Well, it appears that blogaunt has taken "Just Date Me for Jesus Christ's Sake June" quite literally and sought some divine dating intervention for me from the big guy upstairs this month.

On Father's Day, blogaunt stopped over with some prayer cards for me and my sissies.

(Interestingly enough, she also brought three desserts over as well... which sort of qualifies as more devilish than angelic three weeks before a beach vacation, doesn't it?)

Anyhow, the prayer card she brought for me was to (what else?) help me find a hubs. And in my attempt to be all sweet and holy, I'll share the prayer with all of you single ladies too.

A GIRL SWEETHEART'S DAILY PRAYER

O Mary, Model of pure love, and therefore of sweethearts, I beseech Thee to direct me in my choice of a future husband. Grant me especially wisdom and deliberation in this choice. Make both my friendship and courtship chaste, unselfish, prudent, thrifty and cheerful. Be my companion in single as well as in wedded life.

Then it says "50 day's Indulgence" at the bottom of the card. What do you suppose that means? That I should say this for 50 days and on day 51 *poof* I have a BF?

(If that's the case, check back here the week of August 10 and let's see what's going on.)

So, I'm going to say this little ditty for the next 50 days and see what happens.

And while I'm at it, I'm gonna try to find the prayer to patron saint of vacation-worthy abs and thighs too...

Mail for a male?

I got a creepy letter in the mail today. It was addressed to me with no return address, and I did not recognize the handwriting. It was eerily lightweight (like there might not even be anything inside). After doing some inspecting to see if there was any sort of white powdery substance sneaking out from the crevices, I decided to press my luck and open the envelope.

Inside, I found a small piece of paper with a photocopied "Prayer to Find a Soulmate."

Whoa, God. Am I in that much trouble that you are actually sending me a hard copy prayer to help me find me a man? I thought you could just blink your eyes or wave your arms or something to make that happen. My love life must be in worse shape than I thought.

Later, while checking emails (I was in a meeting all day and had lots of catching up to do), I saw an email from blogaunt warning me that a family friend had copied and sent a prayer to me, and blogaunt didn't want me to get "spooked" when I got the letter with no return address.

Um, too late, blogaunt. I had already thought it was a letter from God! Some mail for a male! And Holy Mail (or is it Holy Male?!?!?) at that!

Regardless, I already said the prayer once and plan to do it several times a week. Hey, it can't hurt, right?

In the meantime, maybe God will send me a pair of shoes from Nordstrom tomorrow.

Raphael, Nicholas... and, now, Anthony

I had no idea how many religious rituals there were to find a potential mate until I started this blog.

I got a text from blogaunt last week telling me to burn an orange candle next to a picture of St. Anthony on Tuesday to find a husband.

Sure enough, I did a little online research and discovered this item on several sites:

Saint Anthony of Padua
On a Tuesday, burn a brown candle for special requests, a green candle for financial help or an orange candle to find a husband. St. Anthony is a wonder worker when it comes to finding lost articles, improving the memory and bringing back a strayed lover. His emblem is the lily.

Geez. Now I've got to pray to St. Raphael, St. Nicholas and St. Anthony? That's a lot of praying. I might as well have become a nun!

Then again... I sort of am a nun lately...