Thursday, October 29, 2009


I can't believe I'm actually typing these words, but I'm finally going to see Mr. X this weekend.

(And, as luck would have it, I have a giant zit on my chin. Like, so big I could carve it, put a candle in it and have kids trick-or-treat at it.)

I'm feeling nervous and excited and worried and hopeful and guarded all at once. Sort of like I'm going to do this:

This could mean very good -- or very bad -- things for Cocktober.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


Three years ago today, I was honored to serve as co-maid of honor in my youngest sissy's wedding. I hadn't been in a wedding for a couple of years prior to that, so sissy's wedding was really the first in my series of many, many bridesmaid endeavors.

Some highlights I remember from that day:

  • Blogmom and sissy comparing bicep muscles during 40% of the morning "getting ready" routine

  • Sissy claiming she wanted to walk down the aisle to Back That Thang Up (yep, we're definitely related)

  • The bridesmaids escorting sissy into church under cover of a giant sheet because the weather gods were frowning on us that day (even AFTER we threw a rosary in the tree, an old Italian ritual to ward off bad weather on your wedding day). Luckily, my wedding day survival kit included enough babushkas to strap onto each bridesmaid's head so no one looked like they'd just gone through Armageddon.

  • Our middle sis getting so drunk at the reception that she was laying on her stomach on the wet dirty dance floor -- in her bridesmaid dress -- pretending to surf

  • My bro-in-law (the groom) having one of the bartenders "removed" from the reception because he didn't like the guy's attitude (he was sent down the hall to work the bar at the Italian American beauty pageant instead)

  • Blogdad exchanging glowsticks (in a very embarrassing manner, FYI) with one of my sissy's friends while they both broke it down on the dance floor
Aaaaand, so went the first of the sissies to get hitched.

Hard to believe that in the past three years, both of my younger sissies have gotten married, bought houses and gotten pregs.

And, well... I'm still single.

But Cocktober isn't over just yet, ladies and gents, so you never know!

I mean, Mr. Future Always a Bridesmaid could be lurking right around the corner... at the Halloween bash I'm going to on Friday nite... or in that other city I'm going to visit someone in on Saturday... or on the Love Interwebs you're all subjecting me to in YESvember...

What do you think? Are you feeling a love connection happening for me sometime soon?

(Please humor me and say yes.)

Monday, October 26, 2009

Love at first click?

The votes have been tallied for YESvember, and the results are in:

  • (or some other online dating service): 35%

  • go East! (do the same stuff, but across town): 33%

  • (like eHarmony, but blogmom and blogdad do the matching); 19%

  • Jump Back Ball (where a few of my friends have met their BFs/fiancees): 11%

I'm not sure how I feel about the results. I really am veeerrrryyyy leery of online dating, given the horrific experiences most of my friends have had.

(I realize that there are a few good stories mixed in there too. But for every "good" story, I hear about 20 bad ones. You do the math.)

But, in the spirit of YESvember, I will try it out for at least a couple of weeks next month. But I swear to God, if any guy emails me who has a profile pic wearing an Affliction t-shirt (or, worse, no shirt at all) and uses some corny-ass pick-up line in his profile and/or a message to me, that's grounds to quit the service ON. THE. SPOT.

(In case you're wondering, my profile pic will neither show me in an Affliction shirt nor shirtless.)

So since I've never done this before, any suggestions for which service is best?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Fugly is as fugly does

My friend Amy sent me this list of the Eight Cities with the Ugliest Guys.

Is your city on the list?

(Thankfully, Cleveland isn't!)

(I mean, seriously. For once CLE didn't make one of these horrible lists!! YEAH!!!)

So, now that we've determined I won't be going out with some ugly dude... how will I meet the future Mr. Always a Bridesmaid in YESvember?

Don't forget to cast your vote! The polls close Friday.

(Unless you plan to vote for, in which case the polls are already closed. Because God knows I don't need that one to win.)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Time to vote for Issue Me

Thanks to the great suggestions from all of you, we've now got a ballot for you to vote on. (Let's hope there isn't as much debate over Issue Me as there has been in Ohio about Issue 3.)

I've included below the four ideas that I liked best from all of the comments you guys had on my post asking for new ideas to meet boys.

(That's not to say that I didn't like all of the ideas. But going on the radio to get a date holds too much potential for being very publicly "outed" as myself. And moving is a giant commitment -- what if my luck is just as bad in my new city? And while I love you, Allison, I'm not quite sure WHAT the hell you were talking about when suggesting pecan crusted bacon as a solution to my love life.)

Anyhooo, without further ado, here are the four options up for vote:

  • GO EAST. This means doing the same things I normally do, just in places I don't normally do them. Specifically, on the east side. I have to admit there is some merit in this one, as I was at a Starbucks on the east side a couple of months ago for a work meeting and there were some hottie patotties there. I really like this idea because I wouldn't be too far out of my comfort zone (as in, I'd be doing things I'd normally do -- just in a different locale), so I'd be more likely to be myself. (Versus if I tried joining an effing intramural sports league, in which case I would so totally not be myself.)

  • BLOGPARENTS.COM. If you read all of the suggestions, you saw that blogmom and blogdad have the idea that they can find me true love if given the chance. The gist is that they'll set me up on one date per week for the entire month of YESvember, with the following caveats: 1. no refusal 2. no backtalk 3. no grief. While this sounds fun in theory (and would most certainly contribute a blog story or seventy), I worry that this could cause some weirdness if the dates go horribly awry. And seeing as I've got nowhere else to go come holiday time, I'd prefer to stay on decent terms with blogmom/blogdad.

  • MATCH.COM. Lots of you suggested trying out online dating. To be honest, I've thought about it before, but any time I've gone on to even peruse, I know waaaaaaay too many of the guys (friends, clients, peeps who work in my field, etc.) for it to be an option. HOWEVER, one of my anonymous commenters (who said the nicest things to me, BTW -- love you, whoever you are!!) said that you can make a match profile hidden. So if this is the winning option, that's the route I would go. (To protect myself from creepy stalkers, guys I already know, and possibly you!)

  • JUMP BACK BALL. This was another suggestion from an anonymous commenter, and I really like it. Like the commenter, I know a couple of... well... couples who met at this yearly fundraiser for PlayhouseSquare. (And, in fact, one of those couples just got engaged!) Plus, it would give me a good excuse to go shopping for a new dress. (On the east side, natch.) The event isn't until February (I think), but in keeping with YESvember, I will buy my ticket next month to ensure I go.

So whaddya think? You've got til Friday to vote for your fave. Head on over to the top left of the page and cast your vote!

And, if you want to campaign for a specific idea, make sure to leave a note on this post. Consider the comments section your town hall meeting!

In the meantime, I am working on some other plans of my own. Still trying to figure out if I can pull off the mixer before people get crazy with holiday commitments. And, there may or may not be a trip to visit Mr. X in the next couple of weeks too.

Stay tuned!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Happy belated boss' day!

Don't forget to lob in your suggestions for YESvember and boss me around for once. I'm taking your ideas til midnite tonite.

Voting on the ideas will start next week!

(But don't worry. I haven't gone completely insane. Some of the more out-there ideas -- such as moving -- may not make the cut. I'll still always be the ultimate boss of me.)

AAB/The Boss

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Suck-it Day

Saturday is Sweetest Day. And I'll be at a little girl's birthday party.

(Not that she's not sweet. In fact, I wish the guys I've dated got excited as she does to see me.)

But the point is that I'll be celebrating with a 6-year-old instead of on a date with a sweetie.

(Sidenote: I just accidentally typed "sweetit" instead of "sweetie." And then I giggled.)

So, in the hopes that I will have someone to celebrate Sweetest Day with next year (even if it is a made-up holiday that only about 1/100th of the country celebrates), don't forget to lob in your suggestions for YESvember. (And thanks to those of you who already did. Some good feedback so far!)

Next week, I'll be putting the ideas to a vote for all of you. And I am officially frightened to see the results. (Especially if the dating service idea wins.)

Now go out there and buy your sweetie some of these. I'll take the leftovers. (Of the strawberries, not your significant others.)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Boss me around

Yes, you read that headline correctly.

Don't get used to it. You won't hear it come out of my mouth (or my fingertips) ever again.

But I decided that starting in November (since Cocktober is going so swimmingly in the dating department), I am going to accept tips/suggestions/bossing-arounds from readers to help me break out of my comfort zone and put me in situations where I will likely meet new people.

(Not simply to make me look like a jackass. Though that will probably happen anyhow.)

Places to go. (Specific restaurants/bars? Bookstores? etc.) Things to do. (Sporting events? Wine tastings? Pottery classes? etc.) People to meet. (If so, WHO? And why haven't you introduced me to him sooner!?!?)

Anyhow, you catch my drift.

Whaddya say? Put on your thinking caps. Email me or comment on this post with your idea for how I might meet the future Mr. AAB. (One per reader, please.) I'll pick my favorites and put them up for a vote here the last week of October, then you guys can decide which ones I have to follow through with.

Because it's not about November. It's all about YESvember.
Brainstorm away! :)

Monday, October 12, 2009

Wanted: Christopher Columbus (or other like-minded explorer types)

As you can imagine, I get lots of emails from you guys pointing me in the direction of interesting dating articles and/or quizzes. (Which, BTW, I love! Keep emailing me, peeps!) But, to be honest, I don't often have time to keep up with all of them.

However, I did take time to do a quiz from a woman named Dr. Helen Fisher after reading this article on YourTango. Dr. Fisher is the author of a book called, "Why Him? Why Her? Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type." And, based on the results I got, this bitch knows her shit.

Apparently, I'm an EXPLORER/builder. (Along with John F. Kennedy, Angelina Jolie and Ernest Hemingway. Oh, and Britney Spears.) Which means this:

You have a great deal of energy and vitality. You are curious, creative and resilient. You have many interests; and you find pleasure in doing and thinking about all sorts of things.

You tend to be optimistic, seeing the world as a place of adventure -- physical, intellectual or both. You seek first-hand experiences. And when you embark on a project or expedition, you like to be organized, thorough and responsible.

You enjoy the pleasures of the senses, yet you are firmly grounded in reality and live in the here and now. You can be charming and charismatic; and you sometimes like to surprise those you love with generous presents.

You also have a clear moral compass and stand up for your beliefs. And in spite of your flexibility and enjoyment of novelty, you have a genuine respect for home, family, work and community. You are conscientious, dependable, cooperative and protective.

Wow. I can definitely relate to much of that stuff. But what I really freaked out about were these "things to be aware of":

  • Don't assume someone isn't funny just because they don't display their sense of humor instantly.

  • You can be so charming that you can get into a relationship too fast. Honor your natural caution and go slowly.

  • Explorers and Builders rarely indulge in self-analysis and they can hide their emotions. Let people know how you feel.

Mother effing holy crap. Those warning signs are totes me too.

And, according to the quiz results, I'm drawn mostly to other EXPLORER/builders too. Which seems especially appropriate on Columbus Day, no? So if the above description sounds like a fab single guy you know, send him my way!

(I'll even let him call me Nina, Pinta or Santa Maria if he wants to.)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Six is the loneliest number...

When I read Lemmonex's tweet and subsequent blog post about the reason a guy cancelled a date with her yesterday, I felt so badly for her.

(Seriously. Go take a gander at her blog post. It will take you all of 30 seconds to read and it is well worth it.)

That is, I felt so badly for her... until I sat back and realized that I haven't even had a date in more than six months.


And it was with the guy who I went out with a couple days after my date with The Greek. You know, the one who I didn't even give a nickname to because I knew I'd never be writing about him again. Yeah, the date was that good.

It's no wonder that I haven't been posting as much since returning from my blogcation. Just like Jay Leno, I've got no material. Ugh.

So, to cheer me up, please tell me... what's the funniest/most embarrassing/most hilarious thing that's happened to you in the past six months?

(Bonus points if it involves a bad date.)

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Not-so-great textpectations

What is up with creepy text stalkers? My friend at work received two very odd, very panic-inducing text messages yesterday. The sender of said messages was "1234" (not a real phone number).

Here's what they said:

  • HELLO..... (received at 1:57 p.m.)

  • [friend's name] (received at 1:58 p.m.)

My friend (who shall remain nameless here so at least I can't feel culpable if someone does end up hunting her down and chopping her into pieces) responded to the messages with, "I'm sorry, but who is this?" She then got a bounce-back that said, "The recipient you are sending to has chosen not to receive messages."


This little scenario reminded me of my incident with The Creepy Texter last November.

(To this day, I have never worn that blouse... er, shirt... again.)

I mean, who does this?!?! (And, more importantly, can he/she show me how to do it so I can cyberstalk hotties myself?!?! Ha!)

Has this ever happened to any of you guys? Or do my colleague and I just have the propensity to attract creepy dudes?

(Wait, on second thought... don't answer that...)

Sunday, October 4, 2009

There's a new man in my life...

... and he's absolutely perfect!!

He is soooooo cute.

He smells good.

He likes to cuddle.

And he's never picked a nite out with the guys over an outing with me.

Then again, he is only a few days old.

That's right! I officially became Auntie AAB this weekend! My sissy, her hubs and new baby are doing swimmingly. Blogmom and blogdad (now bloggram and bloggramps) are ecstatic. The rest of the fam is beaming with pride.

And Auntie AAB has officially had her heart stolen.

(See? Even this cold-hearted b*tch can be nice once in a while.)

I feel really badly for my next boyfriend. He's going to have some stiff competition.

(And please, for the love of God, please do not let me get so desperate for a baby of my own in the meantime that I do this.)