Monday, January 26, 2009

Man Monday

We're giving TMGB a week off (he needs to recover from his Dirty Thirty anyhow) to bring you a reader question from an XY.
I know I’ve said this before, but I’m always amazed that boys read this blog. (Actually, I’m amazed that anyone reads it!)

Anyhow, I got an email from a boy this weekend – we’ll call him In Too Deep (because he requested a blog name and this story has to do with swimming… sort of) – asking for your advice with his love life. Specifically, he wants to know why girls play games. (Duh. Because we’re getting back at the boys who do the same thing to us!)

In the interest of time (yours!), I’ve shortened the story/background for you. (And it’s STILL long. TWSS.) Take a read and help a brother out in the comments section.


I met this girl three Saturdays ago when we were out in a large group of mutual friends. I thought she was cute, but I was getting the vibe that he had a boyfriend or something.

I took a leap of faith and started talking to her. Turns out she's a swim coach and this was her one night out in quite a while due to work obligations. We exchanged numbers and I told her I'd give her a call sometime next week.

Everyone leaves, I'm on my way home and get a text from her saying, "it was great meeting you, etc., etc.” I reply back, “you too, I'll call you this week & maybe we can meet up for dinner.”
We met for dinner that Thursday, had a great time and could have spent the whole night talking, but alas the restaurant was closing and they kicked us out. After the "first date,” I heard from some of our mutual friends that she talked about how excited she was for this date, what a great guy I am, etc.

Since then we've spent time together two more times and I just generally have had a great time when I'm with her.

Fast forward to yesterday. (Always a Bridesmaid sidenote: “yesterday” was Saturday in this email.) I hadn’t talked to her for a couple of days. I was trying to play it cool, but inside it was killing me to not say hi to her or ask how her day was going.

So I get a text from her in the early evening saying that her swim meet just ended and that she'd call and let me know if she was going out so we could meet up.

I went out with a couple friends and didn't hear back from her. No big deal, I thought. But she ended up going out with some of her friends, and by a stroke of luck we all ended up at the same bar.

She came over and said hi to me, gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and that was about it for the night. She talked to me very little the whole evening and she kept complaining about being tired, wanting to go home. I offered to take her home if she wanted to go, but she kept insisting I had been drinking (which I was, but I would never put my life in danger, let alone someone else's). She ended up calling a cab for herself.

On my way home I sent her a text, telling her I hoped she made it home and to have a good night. As of 5pm today (AAB sidenote: “today” is Sunday in this letter), that message has not be returned.

Obviously she likes me (she's initiated both times we went out together) and made the first move in the kissing thing (pathetic, I know!). So what was her issue last night? Is she playing hard to get? Did the fact that I was wearing a hat last night turn her off? Should I have worn black instead of blue? Or is she seeing if I can crack?

Personally, I don’t think she’s playing games, In Too Deep. Maybe she’s just fed up with being the one to initiate everything? You said it yourself. SHE initiated your dates, SHE initiated your first kiss, and SHE was the one who came over to you at the bar on Saturday nite. Did you go over to her at any point on Saturday nite to pay special attention to her? And have you ever actually called her to chat? Or are you one of those serial texting guys? Maybe she thinks you're the one playing games, and that you're not interested in her.

What advice do you guys have for In Too Deep?


Megan said...

Okay...where to start...I'm with AAB that it doesn't really sound like she was playing games. Maybe she really was tired, maybe she isn't ready to take the relationship/situation to the next level...and felt like you taking her home might lead to something she isn't ready for. Maybe she's starting to get the feeling that "[You're] just not that into [her]" - which is a book, soon to be a movie btw. Which essentially gives women the advice of don't read too much into every little thing and because you hope he likes you, assume he likes you...which basically means that if a man isn't acting interested...he probably isn't. I would suggest that if you really are interested in her, then you need to say/do something about...and don't let one unanswered text be the end of it all. I mean really...maybe she went straight to bed, and was busy all day Sunday...give her a call, make some plans...just you initiating things...and showing her that she is important enough for you to plan something in advance will help her know for sure that you are into her.

Anonymous said...

First off AAB - love your blog!

Second, In too Deep - Come on dude, Man up. Obvi you like her or else you wouldn't have bothered to tell AAB & get her (& the readers advice). But I agree with AAB, call her & ask her to do something... don't let one tiny incident ruin what could be something. Otherwise, you're really going to be in too deep & if you aren't a swimmer, you'll sink. That's all I can come up with in the spirit of things at 11 pm at night :)

Anonymous said...

I was going to say what Megan was going to say regarding the book "He's Just Not That Into You." If she has read the book then she is thinking since you haven't called and haven't initiated dates/kissing, then you aren't that into her!!!

So if you are into her, call her and ask her out. Call her just to chat.

And whatever you do, don't just texting. Texts are good for a cute "good morning. have a nice day" or "be there in 10 minutes" and that is it. Calling is for finding about how she is doing and when she is free for a date!

Good luck at bringing her back to shore :)

Anonymous said...

Yeah, sounds to me as if she's just not that into him. Just my thought.

But I also agree with both AAB and the two commenters before me, if he is interested, he needs to stop being so passive. I hate that.

Personally, with passive (or passive-aggressive) men, it's not about "acting" disinterested, it's that I really am disinterested in that character trait.

Capital "A" for aggressive in my men, please.

Allison M. said...

Maybe she's just not that into you.

HA! Take that.

Medicated and Motivated said...

I agree with AAB. If I were her, I would think that you weren't interested and were just being polite when I asked you to go out. You need to start asking HER out.

Ashley // Our Little Apartment said...

I'm with AAB.

All the way, man.

A girl needs to know she's being pursued. Do it.

slopmaster said...

I think reading the female point of view, from one that doesn't hold much back, is interesting and inlightening. That's why I read :)

Too deep is being a pussy. She probably thinks you're playing games or just have no balls. It's time to take it to the house!