Facebook official

First of all, before you go getting too excited about the title of this post... no, I am not "in a relationship" on Facebook.

(In fact, I have always maintained that I will never broadcast my relationship status on Facebook. You know... unless there are pictures of me plastered all over the place in a big white wedding gown to verify that the relationship did, indeed, "take.")

But that leads me to the point of this post... I've noticed lately that a lot of peeps are jumping into being "Facebook official" mere weeks into dating someone.

Is this a new trend? I dunno. Seems like jumping the gun a little if you haven't even had a turn of the calendar yet, no? I mean, I have seen FB friends post "in a relationship" when they hit their one-week dating anniversary. Or after they rekindled with an ex- (only to be "single" again a couple of weeks later).

So what do you think? Have you noticed peeps changing or updating their relationship statuses more frequently than in the past? Or are my FB friends just more willing to broadcast their love to the world?

(Disclaimer: I've been known to be sketchy about defining relationships ever since I had my heart broken by The Divorcee, who told me he loved me after just three weeks of dating. So maybe I'm not the best person to judge...)

Let me know what you think. Just don't tell me "it's complicated." ;)

Crazy in love

Aaaah, the things we do for love. I started thinking about the crazy things we do for love (both romantic and platonic) as I'm getting ready to head to West 6th this weekend for (you guessed it!) another friend's bachelorette party.

As you may know, I would rather naked swan dive off the Terminal Tower than go out with all the Jersey Shore-esque douchebags on West 6th Street. It's just not my scene anymore. But I obviously want to help my friend celebrate her final fling before the ring, and she wants to go dancing. So I will be there in full bachelorette party regalia (and pumped full of gin) for the evening's festivities.

But that got me thinking... what other crazy things have I done over the years against my better judgment, all in the name of love? Well, there was:

• The time I took The Murse to the rodeo for Valentine's Day and actually paid enough attention to semi-know what was going on (I'm fairly certain I was the only person there not wearing Wranglers and a plaid shirt)
• The time I helped The Divorcee pull weeds in his yard for approximately eight hours on a hot, humid Saturday whilst being eaten alive by some sort of crazy marsh bugs (though he did at least thank me with a gift certificate for a mani afterward)
• The times I went out in public with The Mush Mouth while he was wearing the following outfit (which was actually more like his uniform): inside-out white sweatshirt, baggy jeans, braided belt, chunky brown cop shoes, glow-in-the-dark faux Starter jacket (in his defense, he was color blind -- so I don't think he knew how bright that effing red jacket really was... but that doesn't forgive the fact that it wasn't even a real Starter jacket)
  

And, of course, there were the numerous times I folded a BF's laundry or picked up dinner or let his dogs out (even though they weighed more than me). But when you're in the moment, it all seems totally normal, doesn't it?

What crazy things have you done for love?

P.S. If you see a gaggle of girls on West 6th this weekend and it looks like they're looking for missing a group member, it's probably me. At least now you know where to tell them to find me.

This makes perfect sense(s)

I was driving home from work the other nite and the song Pony by Ginuwine came on. Stop laughing. What's funny is not that I was listening to a station that would actually play that song. (OK, it's sorta funny.)

What's really funny is that the song actually reminds me of and ex-BF: The Mush Mouth. (It was the first song we ever danced to once we decided we liked each other. Stop judging. We were at a college bar and we were both drunk.)

So then I started thinking about this little gem: Pretty much every one of my five senses reminds me of an ex- in some way or another. Behold:

• Hearing -- see above (and, seriously, stop effing laughing that that song reminds me of a romantic liaison)


• Smell -- every time I smell Emporio Armani cologne, I think of The Murse. He wore it for years and, in fact, his mom even bought us the his/hers version one year for Christmas. It's really sort of a bummer, since I actually really like how this stuff smells. But the memory of him that comes along with it just makes it a real stinker in my book.


• Taste -- I can't eat dumplings without thinking of The Murse either. Actually, without thinking of his mom. Because it was the meal she made for us every year (for six years, remember!) on New Year's Day. She friggin' loved that meal (as did I, after I tried it the first year). Lucky for me, pork and dumplings is not really a regular feature in the AAB diet. However, even seeing them on a menu somewhere reminds me of her (and, then, him).


• Sight -- whenever I see a picture of either Leonardo DiCaprio or Eric Dane, I think of The Divorcee. He was like a real-life version of the two of them if... you know... two men could mate and create an offspring. I can't help but think of him every time I see one of those two in the gossip rags or on E! with my (possibly gay and definitely pretend) BF, Ryan Seacrest.


• Touch -- I can't really think of anything good for this one. (At least, nothing that blogdad could read.)

(Jaaaaaaaaay Kaaaaaaaaay, blogdad. I've never touched a boy in my life. Pinky swear.)

So what about you? Which of your senses triggers thoughts of an ex-?

P.S. Happy birthday, sissy! Hope you have a great day!

S.O.S.: Take 4... coming to a blog near you

First, let me define S.O.S. for you: Summer of Sin.

S.O.S. started several summers ago when I was single and finally ready to start dating. I had mentally moved on from The Murse and was ready to start rocking the dating scene again. About three weeks after I announced the kick off to S.O.S., I met The Divorcee and we immediately started dating.

S.O.S. (the inaugural) was a FAIL.

(Not that I meant S.O.S. to be a huge whorefest. I just wanted to date a lot of different people after being with the same person for longer than most Hollywood marriages last.)

Since that summer, I've dubbed every subsequent hot weather season Summer of Sin. And I just realized today when looking at my calendar that I'm quickly approaching Summer of Sin: Take 4.

(As background for you, S.O.S.: Take 1 was spent with The Divorcee. S.O.S.: Take 2 was spent with The Mouse. S.O.S.: Take 3 was spent with... well, a bunch of losers. And it was actually the reason I started this blog!!)

So, I've gotta tell ya. The idea behind S.O.S. was very fun in theory. But now that I've lived through "spoiled" S.O.S.s (where I ended up dating/hanging out with one person for the entire summer) and a "legit" S.O.S. (where I ended up being single and attempting to date), I really prefer the "spoiled" version of S.O.S. (Like, a lot more.)

There's just something about summer that makes it more fun to have a BF. Someone to know you're going to hang out with on the warm-weather weekends. Someone to grab a weeknite beer on a patio with. Someone to chow a hot dog (and a hot pretzel!) at the ballpark with. Someone to do anything fun with.

But... since summer is upon us and I have virtually no prospects on the dating horizon, I guess I'll say what I always say at this time of year: "Summer of Sin... let it begin!"

Who's with me?

Boys are weird

I just wrote an entire post about a very strange boy incident I had with The Insurance Guy last nite, but then realized it was so long and rambling that no one would care. So I erased the entire thing. (I mean, I even bored myself.) For a backgrounder on him, go here.

Suffice to say that after a very fun dinner with my friend Mo (the kind of friend you can go months without seeing, then immediately pick up where you left off), we met up with The Insurance Guy at a bar down the street, after he texted and called for us to meet him.

(Mo was formerly neighbors with The Insurance Guy, before he and his wife split up. She fixed us up last summer and we went on a couple of dates, but he was in the middle of his divorce and I just wasn't ready for that sitch after my whole saga with The Divorcee.)

What ensued was a very, very strange couple of hours. Some highlights of what the evening entailed:

• A silk blouse that didn't want to stay buttoned (mine)


• A 60-year-old insurance agent (who works for The Insurance Guy) who I thought was hitting on me (as did Mo) until he mentioned his wife


• A meh-cute bartender who apparently also dated The Insurance Guy (I mean, really? Why in the world would you ask a girl that you went on a few dates with to meet you at a bar where another girl you dated bartends? Pick somewhere else, you d-bag.)


• Some shady goings-on between the bar owner and The Insurance Guy (they kept disappearing together into some hidden room)


• A bet that involved me doing the splits in the bar if the 60-year-old tried them (he didn't)

It was just really weird. I mean, The Insurance Guy was all about us meeting him out, then basically ignored us for half of the time we were there. It was just really, really odd. Especially because the bar he was at was completely out of the way for him to be at. So we knew he basically picked it because we were having dinner down the street.

As soon as we said our goodbyes to the guys and got in our cars, I got a call from Mo (who, as you remember, was the one who fixed us up in the first place and had previously thought The Insurance Guy was an awesome catch). Her take on the whole nite? "I think he is just maybe sorta weird."

Amen, sister. Amen.

Six degrees sidenote: before she was married, Mo tried to fix me up with her now-husband (she was interested in someone else at the time). And she also knew the meh-cute bartender from the gym who dated The Insurance Guy.

Seriously... do you guys have this whole six degrees thing happen to you as much as it seems to plague me?

I've said it before...

... and I'll say it again... ladies, NEVER leave the house looking like a pig. Because you never know when you'll meet your future boyfriend. Or see an ex-BF. Or, even better, a friend of an ex-BF.

I stopped at Heinen's on my way home from work the other nite and ran into one of The Divorcee's really good friends. (The Divorcee and I would often double with this guy and his GF, and he's one of the friends who Facebook friended me after The Divorcee and I broke up.)

The friend started the conversation by saying, "Wow, you look really great, AAB." Then, after a few minutes of chatting and catching up, he again said, "How is it possible that you're not dating anyone?"

I wanted to say, "Go ask your stupid friend." But I refrained and just replied with a giggle and a "I have no freaking idea." We ended the conversation by agreeing to grab a drink sometime soon to catch up. But I have a feeling the whole "bros before hos" mantra may come into play before that ever happens.

Regardless, it still felt nice to get a little sweet love from a boy who you just know was going to call his friend as soon as he got in the car to tell him what just happened. Aaaah, the joys of ex- gloating.

And then juuuuuusssssttt when you're starting to feel like maybe you're getting your mojo back (after a Valentine's weekend date and this unexpected compliment-filled run-in)... SMACK. A giant underground zit appears on your chin. (You know the ones... the flat-ish hard blemishes that just linger under the surface of your skin for days and days?!?!)

Aaaaannnddd... back to reality. But, hey. At least the zit didn't surface until after the friend run-in, right?

Not a total write-off?

(First of all... is "write-off" an insurance term or a tax term? Hmmm. Well, for our purposes, let's pretend it has something to do with insurance, even though I'm pretty sure that's wrong.)


So there's been something I haven't been telling you guys about my dating life. I decided in early January that there might be some life left in some of the random dates I had over the summer and fall, so I decided that I needed to force myself to reconnect with some of those guys JIC. (Just in case.)

But now I feel like I should come clean because I actually (sort of) have a conversation going with one of them. (I was reluctant to blast this across the blogosphere in case none of them went anywhere.) But let's not get too excited here, peeps. Because I'm still not sure where this one is headed.

The Insurance Guy was the first boy who popped into my head when I made this pact with myself. (Click on The Insurance Guy tag on this post if you want to read all of the previous entries about him.) If you remember, my high school friend had introduced us over the summer, and he and I went on a couple of dates (and he also met my friend and me out for drinks once.) He is very cute, smart, professionally successful and funny. (He also wears a watch and has clean fingernails.) A perfect AAB match.

Well, an almost perfect match.

What held me back over the summer was that he was in the middle of a divorce when we met, and I just wasn't sure I was ready to go there again after The Divorcee. (He also has a son, but that honestly didn't bother me at all. Especially since one of my "musts" is someone who is family oriented.) I was also willing to admit that maybe he just wasn't that into me (the horror!) either. But I figured I should at least give it a shot to see what might happen.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago.

While commenting on a friend's Facebook status (not the friend who fixed us up), I saw The Insurance Guy's name pop up as a mutual FB friend. Whoa. It was like karma! So I took a deep breath, hoped I wasn't making a huge ass out of myself and sent him a little FB message to say hi. I did not, however, friend him. Just sent him a little note.

A few hours later, I got a friend request from him.

Since then, we have exchanged a few messages, including one where he told me to pop in next time I'm in the neighborhood (his office is in the same building as one of the boards that I'm on). A little harmless FB conversation, if you will.

It's been a little weird in that I feel like I had been the one initiating most of the conversation (or, to be more accurate, e-versations). But that's what this whole little mission to myself was all about, right?

And I know you're thinking... AAB, you're the first one to tell a guy to call and not use gadgets to connect with love interests. And you're right. But I didn't want to call because I was still trying to feel out whether he's dating someone (which I still don't know). So I've been playing it low-key (while admittedly semi-stalking his FB page to get clues about whether he's single).

(BTW, his divorce is now over. Final court date? My birthday. Weird.)

Anyhow... late last nite, I got a FB message from him. An original one. Not a reply to something I had written. He was just writing to say hi, ask about my high school friend who initially fixed us up and tell me to let him know when she and I are going out again so he could meet us for a drink.

So now I don't know what to think. On one hand, it sounds like he just wants a very casual meet-up with me and my friend (maybe more to see her than me!). On the other, he did initiate this message and suggested getting together (albeit with another person).

What would you have done?

Well, I'll tell you what I did. With my new-found balls and promise to myself to pursue any guy that might have been a good match for me, I wrote back. And I told him that I'd let him know when my friend and I got together again. But that I wouldn't be against grabbing a drink in the meantime (without her).

As I wait for his response... is there anyone else that you think I should maybe try to reconnect with? (He's been the only one so far.) Leave a comment or send me an email.

But for the love of all things holy... don't even think about suggesting The Gyno Guy.

The one you can't forget

Why is it that no matter how hard you try to forget that one ex- that made an indelible mark on you, he always finds a way to work his way into your subconscious... even when he might not be trying?

That's how I am with The Divorcee. No matter how much I try to forget about him, random things always seem to happen that bring him right back.

Three things happened since late last week:

• Blogdad called to tell me that The Divorcee is single again. How does he know, you ask? Well, because one of blogdad's colleagues happened to be recently dating The Divorcee. (Six degrees, I tell you!!!! Now you HAVE to believe me!) My parents discovered this when they ran into this girl and The Divorcee at The Feast in Little Italy over the summer. Anyhow, blogdad called to tell me this little tidbit because he thought my birthday horoscope said something about someone from my past coming back. (In fact, it said that someone important to my life's history will be entering my life in the near future. Which I suppose could be one in the same. God, I hope that doesn't mean some gross guy might come back though.) But that's all just a long way of saying... reminder number one.


• While I was at the nail salon on Saturday, I got a picture text from one of my friends at work that said, "Is this ur ex?" And, indeed, it was. She snapped his pic from afar at Starbucks. (She's actually never met him, but saw a pic once after I was forced to defend the caliber of guys I date because another girl in our office had made a snide comment about my BFs -- whom she had never seen, BTW. Anyhow, seriously... I have dated some cute guys. The Divorcee is a cross between McSteamy and Leonardo DiCaprio. Yum.) Anyhow, I digress. Reminder number two. (And a really random one at that, no?)


• On Sunday, I discovered that The Divorcee has just joined Facebook. How do I know? Two of his friends had previously FB friended me after the break-up (emphasis that THEY friended ME, which I was totally cool with because I actually really liked them and hoped we could somehow stay in touch after the break-up). Anyhow, one of the said friends commented on one of The Divorcees' pics on Sunday. That comment/pic showed up in my news feed. Reminder three.

UGH. I can't shake this guy. And I really can't explain it. I know I should hate him for breaking my heart, but I just can't. Eff. What's also really weird is the timing of all of this. We broke up (for good, after a couple of starts and stops due to his unresolved feelings about his divorce) the week before Valentine's Day a couple of years ago. This same exact week two years ago. (Guess that makes reminder number four, huh?)

Does anyone else have that one guy they can't seem to shake? Or did you, but you got over it? If so, HELP!?!?!?!?

No wonder I suck just as bad at love as I do at math

After several people alerted me to the online Love Calculator (thanks, Alexa and blogmom!), I decided to take it for a spin and see what would happen. Lord knows I can use any guidance I can get at this point.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the Love Calculator, it's an online tool to help you determine whether your relationship has potential based on the names of the people in the relationship. Like Sonny + Cher. Or Brad + Angelina. Or Bert + Ernie. (I still contend those puppets were more than roommates, if you know what I mean.)

Anyhow, being the sucker that I am for anything that might possibly give me direction in the love department, I obviously tried it out. Here's the fun part. I used both *real* names (self-explanatory), as well as *blog* names (e.g., Always a Bridesmaid + The Murse), to see what would happen.

Let's take a gander at how the calculations worked out for what I would consider my three "real" boyfriends.

THE MUSH MOUTH

Real names: 99%. Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between [immature boy] and [amazing girl] has a very good chance of being successful, but this doesn't mean that you don't have to work on the relationship. Remember that every relationship needs spending time together, talking with each other etc.

Blog names: 71%. Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between The Mush Mouth and Always a Bridesmaid has a reasonable chance of working out, but on the other hand, it might not. Your relationship may suffer good and bad times. If things might not be working out as you would like them to, do not hesitate to talk about it with the person involved. Spend time together, talk with each other.

Really, Dr. Love? I find it amusing that both of these predictions involve talking to each other, considering the kid has the blog name The Mush Mouth because he mumbled and swallowed every word he ever said. And I would have expected a much better prediction for a 99% love match.

THE MURSE

Real names: 55%. Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between [noncommittal guy who may or may not have been gay] and [too good for him anyway girl] has a reasonable chance of working out, but on the other hand, it might not. Your relationship may suffer good and bad times. If things might not be working out as you would like them to, do not hesitate to talk about it with the person involved. Spend time together, talk with each other.

Blog names: 53%. Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between The Murse and Always a Bridesmaid has a reasonable chance of working out, but on the other hand, it might not. Your relationship may suffer good and bad times. If things might not be working out as you would like them to, do not hesitate to talk about it with the person involved. Spend time together, talk with each other.

WTF, Dr. Love? Do you only have like three different predictions to spew out of that love-predicto-meter of yours? Same one three times in a row? At least you're consistent on this one, though.

THE DIVORCEE

Real names: 64%. Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between [guy who wasn't ready for a relationship] and [girl with bad timing] has a reasonable chance of working out, but on the other hand, it might not. Your relationship may suffer good and bad times. If things might not be working out as you would like them to, do not hesitate to talk about it with the person involved. Spend time together, talk with each other.

Blog names: 75%. Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between The Divorcee and Always a Bridesmaid has a very good chance of being successful, but this doesn't mean that you don't have to work on the relationship. Remember that every relationship needs spending time together, talking with each other etc.

Ummm... the same two predictions AGAIN?!?! I give up. And think I might have to change my name in order to get better love prospects.

Did you try out the Love Calculator with your hubs, BF or crush? What was your score? And did you get any predictions other than the ones that kept popping up for me?

I see London, I see France...

... man, I need new underpants.

OK, so I have a weird post-breakup ritual that I always go through: I give my undie drawer a makeover.

I did a major purge/splurge after I broke up with The Mush Mouth. (A 2+ year relationship.)

I did the same thing after The Murse. (A 6+ year relationship.)

And again (albeit on a smaller scale) after The Divorcee. (An on/off fling for about 10 months or so. Hence the smaller shopping spree.)

Honestly, I have no idea why I do it. Maybe it's because it's a little something I can do as a pick-me-up that only I know about. (Well, until I blabbed it to all of you guys, that is.)

And doesn't everyone feel better about themselves when they're wearing cute undies versus raggedy old torn ones? (Don't get me wrong. It's not like I'm buying sexy satin thongs or crotchless lace g-strings. Nope, I'm pretty much a boy shorts and cotton bikinis kind of girl.)

My point is this: I realized today (after noticing the ripped trim on one of my fave pairs) that it has been so long since I've had a major break-up that I really just need to go buy some new undies. Without the requisite heartbreak that goes along with it.

Lucky for me, my birthday is coming up. So I at least have a birthday coupon from Victoria's Secret to get me started.

How about you? What rituals do you have after a breakup?

The countdown is on!

T-minus 11 days until my next bridesmaid duty for Molly & Drew's wedding. (I was reminded this morning when my official wedding day itinerary arrived.)

I am super excited. Why?

• I love our dresses. Steel gray babydoll/empire waist silk dupioni dress with a cute black sash. (Truth be told, I don't actually have mine yet. It's being taken in for the second time. The first time I tried it on, it was literally like I wrapped myself in a duvet cover. So it's taken a couple of rounds of alterations to make it fit. And I didn't blog about it before b/c I didn't want Molly worried that it was going to look like a potato sack on me. Now that she saw it in person last weekend, she's feeling good, so I can write about it.)


• My whole family is going to be at the wedding. Parents, sisters, brothers-in-law. Anyone who has ever seen my family in action on a wedding dance floor knows what a treat is in store. Suffice to say my father will likely be dirty dancing with my friends, and everyone will tell my sisters they should try out for So You Think You Can Dance after the wedding.


• My wedding partner specifically requested me to be paired with him. (Don't get too excited, readers -- he's married.) But, I think that means we will definitely rock the bridal party "coolness" contest since we are both loud and outgoing. And, I'm hoping, good dancers.

Oh, and I'm really happy for the bride- and groom-to-be too. But that goes without saying. :)

(Six degrees side note: I was actually supposed to get fixed up with the groom-to-be years ago, but ended up rekindling with The Divorcee the nite before I was supposed to meet Drew. See, Moll? You're right. Everything happens for a reason.)

Happy anniversary, sissy!

Two years ago today, my baby sister Jenna got married. My sister Julie was engaged at the time. And I was at the wedding alone after recently breaking up with The Divorcee (for about the 50th time). I literally thought I was going to puke every time I heard someone say, "You're NEXT!" Duh. Jenna's married and Julie has a ring on her finger, you bonehead.

Anyhow, I wish I had discovered this Web site sooner (check it out -- it's HILARIOUS), because I totally would have sent Jenna and Gary this e-card for their big day:

So, instead, I'm sending it today! Happy anniversary, sis.

"Why are you still single?"

This is my absolute favorite question EVER. Seriously. Why the eff do people think that's a normal question to ask? I OBVIOUSLY don't have the answer or I wouldn't be single, right? But, here are my top three responses:

1. I was in a six-year relationship with a guy who turned out to be a gay nurse. [EDITOR'S NOTE: He was not really gay, but even I have to admit that he did have some tendencies.]


2. I guess I just haven't found the right guy yet.


3. I have cats.

This question seemed especially appropriate when people asked it at each of my younger sisters' weddings. Where I was dateless. It was usually followed up by, "You're next!" No kidding. I'm the only one left!

NOTE: An alternative version of this question is more behavioral , involving someone grabbing my left hand, looking at it in a perplexed manner and then dropping it while shaking his/her head in disgust.

The truth is, that until the past year or so, I have pretty much always had a boyfriend. Most notably, there was:

The Mush Mouth - my college boyfriend (we dated for 2+ years) and my first "real" BF. He mumbled everything he said (which did not go over well in my loud Italian family). He's now married with a kid and lives about 10 minutes from me.

The Murse - the guy I dated for six years (from ages 23 - 29) but who ultimately could not commit. After that long together, I issued a DNR on that relationship (even after he came back a year later asking for another chance).

The Divorcee - the guy I dated for about eight months after I broke up with the Murse. We got along really well, but he was just ultimately not ready to be dating seriously at that point in his life, and... well... I was.

There have been other randoms sprinkled in here and there, but obviously none of those guys panned out either. So, I guess for now I have to come to terms with that fact that I'll have to be prepared to keep answering that question.

Have any other ideas for how I can respond?