Sunday, March 8, 2009

Frogs and snails and puppy dog tails...

I had a Saturday full of parties, but unfortunately none of them had any potential boy toys in store for me. (Though they did both involve boys and toys.)

I started the day with a road trip to Toledo for a friend's baby shower. She's having her first kid (a boy) in May, so four of us road tripped our way there for a three-hour "open house" style shower.

(Which was awesome, BTW. If you are pregs and planning a shower, do it like this. We were instructed not to wrap presents, so the guest of honor just looked at what we gave her as soon as we came in, and then we just all hung out for the rest of the afternoon. No hours-long present opening torture.)

After the shower, we drove back home to Cleveland, at which point I immediately turned around and headed to a 2-year-old birthday party for my friends' son. (Who I discovered probably has the same maturity level as most of the guys I date: give them both some food and a bottle and they're happy.)

Anyhow, I'll tell you what... there's nothing like four-plus hours in the car with newlyweds and a new(ish) mom to remind you of how single you are. At one point, one of the girls actually had the balls to specifically call me out about not understanding how hard it is to get pregnant (probably assuming I am doing everything in my power to not get pregs -- no worries there). Um, don't insult me, please. Just because I'm not married or have children doesn't mean that I can't understand what that is like. In fact, I have had plenty of conversations with friends and family about that very topic. (Trust me.)

I really, really wanted to tell her that she had no idea what it's like to be 33, single (with friends who are getting married and/or having kids every two seconds) and not dating anyone.

But I didn't. Because I was too pissed at that point to say something that wouldn't have come out completely bitchy. So I saved it for you guys. (And it's probs still bitchy anyhow.) :)

How do you handle it when someone says something that's totally out of line to you? Confrontation? Or do you subscribe to "if you can't say anything nice..." mantra?


Medicated and Motivated said...

It usually depends on my mood and the person. I look at it like this, yes, my mother always said if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all, but she also taught me not to ask people rude questions. Such as, "So when are you going to settle down and get married?" or after a couple does get married, then it's "So, when are you two going to have a baby?" If you think it's okay to ask me a question that is not only inappropriate, but none of your business, then I think it's only fair that I get to give a sarcastic and bitchy response.

Anonymous said...

It depends on who the person is. If its a friend, I will be as bitchy and sarcastic as I want... and usually we just laugh about it afterwards.

If its a stranger or a co-worker or boss or someone I just don't know well, I try to squelch the bitchy. I either come up with something witty enough to shut them up without sounding mean or I just go with the "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" rule.

I figure this, all my cousins got married in their early to mid-30s. They found amazing spouses and now are having amazing children. So good things come to those who wait :)

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Medicated & Smash -- you're too good to me. ;)

Beach Shack Dreams said...

Smug married Best Friend with 2 kids actually told me the other day that I might want to consder getting off the pill if I ever want to have kids after all I'm almost 30! I would have hit her except she was hit with flying dog poo thrown by her 2 year old son. Didn't need to say a word and just smiled :)

alexa @clevelandsaplum said...

oh i couldn't have been so kind as you to not say anything. that was out of line.

i'm with you, it isn't fucking (sorry for the curse blogmom and blogdad) easy going to 8236 weddings/showers/bachlorette parties a year when you are single.

i still heart you.

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Sandcastle -- ouch. But I laughed out loud at the poop comment.

Alexa -- I heart you too. We need to plan an outing SOON. P.S. blogdad says the "f" word more than you ever could. ;)

blogmom said...

Alexa - no offense taken - my own mother was known to use f-bombs from time to time. And, speaking of mothers, mine in particular, I learned early on that she had little tact in many of the comments she made. Like Ivory Soap, most of them really were 99% pure, she just did not filter what she said. Because of that, my mantra has never been "if you can't say something nice.. ." but rather "consider the source."
The friends/family we most love do sometimes say things without thinking them through. Being 25+ years older than all of you, I have made plenty of blunders in my day and don't always realize the full extent of my words until well after I have said them.

But, before I go on much longer, the people you value most in your life occasionally screw up - try not to take it too personally. For some other people whom you know that intentionally make bitchy comments, it's your prerogative whether or not to send one back.

Allison M. said...

Finally!!!! This is exciting. Someone understands how everyone else feels at a baby shower!

That's what I'm telling the rest of my friends to do. If hell ever freezes over and I get married, I will tell everyone not to wrap the presents either.