Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Laying down the law


I had another voicemail from The Lawyer last nite, calling to say hi and asking if I wanted to grab a drink sometime soon.

Side note: he started the message by saying, “Hi, stranger.” This is now the third time he has started a voicemail and/or email like that, and something about it just really annoys the crap out of me.

Anyhow, last nite’s message was a follow-up to the voicemail he left for me a couple of weeks ago and the email he sent before Thanksgiving. I didn’t return his call (was busy with Molly’s wedding stuff anyhow), but did send a nice – yet curt – email response wishing him a happy Turkey Day in return. However, I did not suggest getting together again (or ever talking/emailing again, for that matter) at all (e.g., there was no “Maybe we can catch up after the holidays” or “Talk to you soon” thrown in).

But he obviously hasn’t gotten the hint.

So this is just weird for me. I have never had to have the “I think you’re really nice, but we’d probably be better off as friends” discussion. I just feel very uncomfortable with the whole idea of that talk.

Because the truth is... he didn’t do anything wrong. (Unless, of course, you count admitting that you own leather pants wrong. I'm still on the fence.) I’m just not interested.

So what’s meaner… or nicer? To just sort of ignore him and let him figure it out on his own (which every other guy I've felt this way about has always done), or to flat out tell him I’m not interested (scary!!!)?

And do I owe it to him to have that discussion (knowing that it is going to give me severe anxiety to do so) when we’ve only been out twice?

Ugh. I am so bad at dating. (Lucky for me, apparently so is he!)

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

this is a tough one because you'd think he would eventually get the hint. Though it would probably be nice of you to send him a note or call him saying you aren't interested. Saves you from worrying/dealing with another communication and at the same time lets him know where he is at.

Ashley said...

You've only been out twice - you can for sure just let it go away on it's own...no need to have that conversation in my mind.

Anonymous said...

It seems like that 6 degrees of separation happens to you alot. I'd play it safe and just tell him straight out, that you have no interest in seeing him - in a nice way, of course. This way, down the road, if you meet someone who is friends with him, is related to him, or works with him there will be no bad blood. As anxiety inducing as it is, its the right thing to do.

Jest said...

He might take the hint, it sounds as if he hasn't so far. Do you have his email account? I know that seems kind of lame, but I email rejected a guy after going out on one date with him. It took away the anxiety and it wasn't as if we had anything serious going on. I say two dates is acceptable for an email rejection.

Stacy said...

You don't owe him anything! Frankly, cannot believe he has not gotten the hint yet.
Have you heard of "Slydial?" Maybe try that.

From the MSN Article:

Slydial lets you connect directly with another person's cell phone voice mail, bypassing the traditional ringing process that often results — sometimes disastrously — with someone picking up on the other end.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25815705/

Jujubean said...

Okay so here's my "Thanks but no thanks" trick. I generally like to do the "well, I started talking to someone a few weeks ago, and I really want to see where this goes." You can add, if you feel it necessary, "I'm really not good at dating multiple people, that's not fair to anyone, so I just felt I should be honest and let you know."

I don't know if that helps, but it makes me feel like less of a cliche than the "it's not you, it's me" or the "She's just not that into you"'s of the world.

What do you think?

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Anon 1 - you're probably right.

Ashley - that's what I'm talking about!

Anon 2 - Damnit, you're right. I DO have six degrees everywhere.

Jest - Thank you thank you thank you! I have no problems with email. (I obvi like to write... hence I freaking blog almost every day.)

Stacy - with my luck, he'd answer and I'd get so flustered I'd agree to elope to Vegas with him. HA!

Jujubean - I love the approach. But in my sordid mind, I also wonder if telling a little white lie like that will jinx me. Like, fate will say, "HA HA! You said you were dating someone to get out of that dead-end opportunity... so now we'll NEVER let you find a guy! Mwaaaah haaaa haaaa haaaa haaaa!!"

Famously Single said...

Don't you hate how guys don't feel guilty to just stop calling, but we do!
I say don't do anything and if he calls or e-mails again don't respond. If he calls/e-mails more than 3 times, he's obviously an idiot and then you have to say something!

Jujubean said...

I hear ya, but A. it's not really a lie, i'm sure there is some guy you've met that you want to "see where it goes" even if you dont think it will be a positive direction. B. If God can allow Angelina to have Brad after all that she is, he surely can't begrudge you your happiness. :)

Alexa said...

ignore him. he's an idiot if he isn't picking up what you are laying down.

btw, the hey stranger would annoy the crap out of me too.

Carrie said...

I agree w/ JuJubean. It's best to tell the truth, and you should tell it in an email. you really don't owe him anything after one date.