Friday, December 26, 2008

Guest blogger #4 - Fully Loaded

Hi, readers! Hope good old Saint Nick brought you everything you wanted for Christmas. (No, I didn't get a boyfriend. Though I did get a new camera. Even trade, no?)

Just to clean up a few loose ends...
  • The Mouse did not end up coming over for Christmas. (He was able to make it home to be with his own family.)

  • And The Beard has been texting a TON. But alas, he's leaving to go back home tomorrow. However, that did not stop my sissy from re-enacting our PDA session to the entire family on Christmas Eve. Which was actually sort of helpful, since I don't really remember it.

  • I got a random "Merry Christmas" (spelled wrong -- who spells it "Marry"??) mass text from The Banker. WTF? I haven't talked to him since October.

  • And The Teacher and I have talked on the phone a few times and may be meeting up at some point this Sunday.
So I should have plenty to update you on in the next couple of weeks!

Now on to more important things... like guest blog posts. This submission comes us courtesy of the blog Famously Single.

There's one more guest blogger in the hopper, but he (yes, you read that right -- HE) is going to wait a couple of weeks to send his submission. (Timing is everything, peeps, right?)

(As a side note... I was thinking the other day of how random it would be if The Male Guest Blogger (TMGB) and I somehow end up together. That would be such a fun story for our kids someday... and, hopefully, the movie studios.)

Til then, enjoy this little nugget from Ms. Famously Single.


After having my heart broken and five months of no sex, I decided it was really time to get into the game. Enter Mac.

We met while out for a mutual friend's birthday party. He was cute, in the military and I was slightly needy. He seemed like such a nice guy and maybe after five months, I wasn't being as selective. In my drunk state, I even text messaged my dad saying I met the man I wanted to marry.

Fast forward a few weeks. I wake up next to him. This is like the second time we have ever slept together. He is getting up to go golfing. I am lying in his bed. He's about to leave. He says, "Just so you know, that gun right there is fully loaded. So if you try to mess around with it, it's loaded and it will go off."

I say, "Wait... I slept with a loaded gun by me the whole night?" (Always a Bridesmaid sidenote: That's What She Said.)

He says, "Yeah. Alright, I'm leaving."

He is almost to the door. I'm already thinking he is a psycho, until... wait for it.... he turns around and says, "Your p*ssy's mine." (Always a Bridesmaid sidenote: I HATE that p word... but doesn't every girl?)

I've slept with this man twice and already he is staking claim on my p*ssy! Seriously, who says that? For once in my life, I was literally speechless. What are you supposed to say to that?

I wish I would have said your d*ck is mine, but I found out that it wasn't. Maybe that line really worked for him because while he was screwing everything with two legs, the girls were not.

On a side note, I found out that he shot some guy in the leg who tried to get into his girl's apartment. Guess there is one benefit to sleeping by a loaded gun. :)

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