Facebook official

First of all, before you go getting too excited about the title of this post... no, I am not "in a relationship" on Facebook.

(In fact, I have always maintained that I will never broadcast my relationship status on Facebook. You know... unless there are pictures of me plastered all over the place in a big white wedding gown to verify that the relationship did, indeed, "take.")

But that leads me to the point of this post... I've noticed lately that a lot of peeps are jumping into being "Facebook official" mere weeks into dating someone.

Is this a new trend? I dunno. Seems like jumping the gun a little if you haven't even had a turn of the calendar yet, no? I mean, I have seen FB friends post "in a relationship" when they hit their one-week dating anniversary. Or after they rekindled with an ex- (only to be "single" again a couple of weeks later).

So what do you think? Have you noticed peeps changing or updating their relationship statuses more frequently than in the past? Or are my FB friends just more willing to broadcast their love to the world?

(Disclaimer: I've been known to be sketchy about defining relationships ever since I had my heart broken by The Divorcee, who told me he loved me after just three weeks of dating. So maybe I'm not the best person to judge...)

Let me know what you think. Just don't tell me "it's complicated." ;)

When AAB Got Her Groove Back

When I was a freshman in high school, there was a senior I had a crush on for several months. The Senior and I had an art class together, and he was also friends with my best friend's brother.

So, I got to admire him (from afar) often.

I distinctly remember one time we all went out (my BFF, me, her bro and The Senior), and it became clear that maybe the crush was mutual. The only thing that came between us and our first kiss (my first-EVER kiss, to be exact) was this stupid rubber band I had for my braces that went from the top right eye tooth to the bottom left one.

That's right. In a diagonal. Across the front of my mouth.

(I'm convinced to this day that blogdad bribed the orthodontist to do that just so I couldn't kiss boys. A braces chastity belt, if you will.)

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when The Senior found me on Facebook. He now lives in Florida, and we started emailing for a couple of weeks. We got caught up on each others' lives and joked about our mutual crushes back in high school, and the fact that we never really acted on our feelings.

(Isn't it funny that a senior/freshman romance seems so crazy in high school, but when you're in your 30s, the age difference is nothing at all?)

Anyhow, even though I know nothing will ever happen with The Senior (he lives in Florida, after all -- and he listens to country music), it was nice to hear from someone who knew me back when I had braces and dark curly hair.

The Senior said the sweetest things in his messages to me, telling me that I had grown up to be quite a catch -- boosting a down girl's ego at just the right time. And then, he sent me this email after I had posted pics from a wedding I had gone to the weekend before:

You're so pretty it's retarded.

Now, I know what you're thinking. It's sort of flattering and sort of offensive, no? (I thought the same thing.) But then he followed it up with this:

The 14 year old girl I knew in high school with the bobbed hair and braces was cute. I suppose I owe you an apology for saying you were pretty, I guess I meant to say beautiful.

Wow! After several months of dating and boy disasters (I mean, DI-SAAAAAS-TERS), something about that email from him gave me just the boost I needed.

So, thanks, The Senior. K.I.T., ok?

AAB's got her groove back, thanks to you. (And, for the record, getting out of the funk gave me the inspiration to get my ass back in shape. Literally.)

Did you ever have someone -- especially someone relatively random -- help get you out of a funk?

A (Mc)sizzlin' Saturday

One of my favorite parts about having all my friends get married is the pre-wedding bachelorette bash. I mean, who doesn't love a nice confection in the shape of male genitalia, right?

Well, this past weekend was a first for me in celebrating a friend's pending nuptials. My girlfriends and I actually threw an all-girls bachelor party for our friend Brian (the groom-to-be of the bride we celebrated for last weekend).

Brian has always been like one of the girls (he's the kind of guy who makes you take your shoes off when you walk into his impeccable house), and we've all been friends with him since 'N Sync was cool.

(OK, maybe 'N Sync was never really "cool"... but work with me here...)

Anyhow, we decided to throw a bachelor party for Bri to help him celebrate his last weeks of singledom with his best girl friends (even though we all know deep down that he'll be waaaaaaay better off once he gets hitched).

We hit up Sushi Rock for dinner, gave him some questionable gifts (can you say gay section at Ambiance?) and then surprised him with tickets to see Artie Lange at the Improv (he's a huge Howard Stern fan).

After that, we took the party to (where else?) the roof of the Velvet Dog. Like last weekend, it turned out to be a crazy nite. Lots and LOTS of random conversations. And shots.

When the bar closed, we decided to head to Panini's for a piece (or three) of 'za. And guess who we saw there when we arrived, ladies and gentlemen?

McSizzle.

Yep, he was there with one of the friends whom we had met with him the weekend earlier. The friend immediately recognized us and came over to chat (while McSizzle was otherwise occupied by a blonde in a heinous red satin shorts jumpsuit... I mean, really... where do you even BUY something like that?!?!?).

Once McSizzle said goodbye to the slutty Mrs. Claus wannabe, he came over and chatted with us too. The boys agreed that we should exchange numbers so we could help show them around town. And during the course of that conversation, we also discovered... wait for it... that McSizzle has a long-distance girlfriend.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand there you have the story of my love life.

But at least now I'll never wonder about the "what if" with him, right?

Now if only I could retract that Facebook message... ;)

I just had to check my underwear...

... to make sure I didn't grow a set of balls.

(All clear.)

So, I guess that means I've simply grown a set of metaphorical cajones instead.

Why?

Well, after discovering McSizzle's identity (thanks again for the assist, Piper!), I bucked up, (slightly) freaked out and just effing went for it.

I sent McSizzle a message through Stalkbook. (I mean, Facebook.)

I'm really not expecting a response. A few reasons for this:

• I am just some crazy chic who quasi-stalked him after hanging out at a bar for less time than a episode of Real Housewives of NJ lasts.


• I'm not entiiiiiiiiiiirely sure I emailed the right guy. I mean, I'm 97% sure based on his (pretty unusual) name and college, but his FB profile was private so I couldn't check for sure.


• If I did email the right guy, maybe he doesn't have computer access yet, in which case he won't know that I emailed him. I mean, he did just move here last week. And he's probably got more important things to do. Like... oh, I don't know... start his residency.


• And even if I did email the right guy and he does have computer access, I have no idea how often he goes on/checks his FB account. He didn't have a profile pic, which leads me to believe it may not be all that often.


• And even if I did email the right guy and he did get the message... he might just not be interested. (Dummy.)

That said, I do have some hope for why he just miiiiiiiiight respond:

• I'm not gonna lie... my FB profile pic right now (which he will obvs see) is pretty darn cute. I even look like I have cleavage! (Thanks, Vic!)


• He told me that he couldn't wait to make new friends in Cleveland because he doesn't really like to hang out with people from work. (Which is all he knows right now.) Ahem. I'm friendly! (But not in that way, blogdad... don't worry.)


• Maybe he'd think it's flattering that some random chic tracked him down and emailed him. And, the message wasn't all creepy-stalkerish either. No "I could really see you fathering my children" type of messages here. Nope. Just played it cool and simply suggested that my friends and I would be happy to serve as the welcome wagon for him and his friends if they're trying to find fun/cool places to go in C-town (thinking it would be less creepy if I made it sound more like a group/casual thing).

Regardless, I honestly can't believe that I did it. Am I crazy? Or just really ballsy? Or both?

Someone stole my idea...

Specifically, Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz stole my idea. Why? They just published a book called Flirtexting: How to Text Your Way to His Heart.

I really can't believe that Debra and Olivia have ever dated MORE guys that like texting than I have, so it stands to reason that this book should have been written by me. (Then again, I suppose that's what this blog is.)

Most recent texter? Val. We haven't verbally talked to since our date on Sunday (which was sort of OK with me because I was crazy busy all week anyhow), but he has texted and sent me Facebook messages throughout the week. Aaaahh. You know what I call that?

Digital Dating.

(Note to Debra and Olivia -- I am hereby copyrighting the Digital Dating phrase. Unless you want to pay me an assload to buy it as the title of your next book.)

Anyhow, apparently the premise of the Flirtexting book is this (taken from Amazon): You see, rather than feel disappointed that her guy isn't making an effort to talk F2F (face to face), the flirtexting aficionado works it.

So according to this book, I'm supposed to be glad a guy's not calling, right? No thanks.

But it would make my life a heck of a lot easier.

Thanks, Nance, for alerting me to this book!

Not a total write-off?

(First of all... is "write-off" an insurance term or a tax term? Hmmm. Well, for our purposes, let's pretend it has something to do with insurance, even though I'm pretty sure that's wrong.)


So there's been something I haven't been telling you guys about my dating life. I decided in early January that there might be some life left in some of the random dates I had over the summer and fall, so I decided that I needed to force myself to reconnect with some of those guys JIC. (Just in case.)

But now I feel like I should come clean because I actually (sort of) have a conversation going with one of them. (I was reluctant to blast this across the blogosphere in case none of them went anywhere.) But let's not get too excited here, peeps. Because I'm still not sure where this one is headed.

The Insurance Guy was the first boy who popped into my head when I made this pact with myself. (Click on The Insurance Guy tag on this post if you want to read all of the previous entries about him.) If you remember, my high school friend had introduced us over the summer, and he and I went on a couple of dates (and he also met my friend and me out for drinks once.) He is very cute, smart, professionally successful and funny. (He also wears a watch and has clean fingernails.) A perfect AAB match.

Well, an almost perfect match.

What held me back over the summer was that he was in the middle of a divorce when we met, and I just wasn't sure I was ready to go there again after The Divorcee. (He also has a son, but that honestly didn't bother me at all. Especially since one of my "musts" is someone who is family oriented.) I was also willing to admit that maybe he just wasn't that into me (the horror!) either. But I figured I should at least give it a shot to see what might happen.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago.

While commenting on a friend's Facebook status (not the friend who fixed us up), I saw The Insurance Guy's name pop up as a mutual FB friend. Whoa. It was like karma! So I took a deep breath, hoped I wasn't making a huge ass out of myself and sent him a little FB message to say hi. I did not, however, friend him. Just sent him a little note.

A few hours later, I got a friend request from him.

Since then, we have exchanged a few messages, including one where he told me to pop in next time I'm in the neighborhood (his office is in the same building as one of the boards that I'm on). A little harmless FB conversation, if you will.

It's been a little weird in that I feel like I had been the one initiating most of the conversation (or, to be more accurate, e-versations). But that's what this whole little mission to myself was all about, right?

And I know you're thinking... AAB, you're the first one to tell a guy to call and not use gadgets to connect with love interests. And you're right. But I didn't want to call because I was still trying to feel out whether he's dating someone (which I still don't know). So I've been playing it low-key (while admittedly semi-stalking his FB page to get clues about whether he's single).

(BTW, his divorce is now over. Final court date? My birthday. Weird.)

Anyhow... late last nite, I got a FB message from him. An original one. Not a reply to something I had written. He was just writing to say hi, ask about my high school friend who initially fixed us up and tell me to let him know when she and I are going out again so he could meet us for a drink.

So now I don't know what to think. On one hand, it sounds like he just wants a very casual meet-up with me and my friend (maybe more to see her than me!). On the other, he did initiate this message and suggested getting together (albeit with another person).

What would you have done?

Well, I'll tell you what I did. With my new-found balls and promise to myself to pursue any guy that might have been a good match for me, I wrote back. And I told him that I'd let him know when my friend and I got together again. But that I wouldn't be against grabbing a drink in the meantime (without her).

As I wait for his response... is there anyone else that you think I should maybe try to reconnect with? (He's been the only one so far.) Leave a comment or send me an email.

But for the love of all things holy... don't even think about suggesting The Gyno Guy.

The boomerang club

I've discovered a very interesting phenomenon in my life: boomerang boys.

While no one has ever been quite as bad as The Groundhog, there seems to be a trend of guys disappearing then reappearing at the weirdest/most random times.

I've had a few recent boomerang encounters:

• The Paramedic - I went on one date with this kid a year or two ago. He was SUPER young. As in, younger than my youngest sissy young. On the day of our date, he found out that he had just landed the new job he'd been going after, so he wanted to go "somewhere nice" (his words) to celebrate. We went to the Outback. Fast forward to a few days ago when he Facebook friended me (with a profile pic featuring his new GF), then sent me a message telling me that I still have "that million dollar smile and hair." I've heard of a million dollar smile, but million dollar hair? That must be SOME weave.


• The Mouse - This is the guy I "hung out with" (again, his words) last year. Totally same sense of humor as me (though he is much less animated and much more sarcastic). And un-be-liev-ab-ly cute. I mean, he has dimples. *melt* Anyhow, hadn't really talked to him much over the last several months, but he called a couple of weeks ago and has been emailing and texting (even sending jokey e-cards!) ever since. But, as I said in previous posts, I'm fairly certain this is on the "friend track."


• The Cop - I thought he had gotten the hint that the only time I'd ever see the back of his cop car was if I got arrested (and not for a makeout session), but I guess not. He's been FB messaging me to come meet him out at a bar, come to events he'll be at, etc. Weird.


• The Redhead - According to blogmom, this kid was my first-ever boyfriend. We went to grade school together until my family moved in third grade. I had not talked to him since then (what is that? 24 years?) until he Facebook friended me last week. While catching up via FB, I discovered yet another six degrees connection: he was fraternity brothers with The Murse back in college. (Seriously, people. That is just crazy. I've decided my life is more like two degrees of separation.)

And on top of these oldies (and questionable goodies), I've also heard from The Teacher, The Teachalian and The Italian Stallion in the past week.

Let's hope they don't all turn into boomerangers too.

Strange encounters of the digital kind

I have had some STRANGE encounters of the digital kind over the past several weeks.

First, there was the guy who Facebook friended me who I didn't know.

Here's how it went down: my friend Amy at work sent a pic of a bunch of us to her hubby; her hubby showed the pic to his friend from work; the friend from work (the guy who I'm talking about -- we'll call him The Engineer) claimed he knew me, and asked Amy's husband a zillion questions about me.

Weeks later, The Engineer Facebook friended me. Mind you, I still have NO IDEA who this guy is at this point (and, actually, still don't). When I didn't immediately accept his friend request, he asked Amy's hubby why I hadn't accepted him yet. So, I hit "confirm" just to get it over and done with already.

Of course, because I don't know him, I never sent a message or anything after accepting his friend request. A couple of weeks later, The Engineer wrote on my wall and just said, "I can't believe you haven't said hello yet." WTF? I don't even KNOW you. And if you wanted to get to know me so badly, why wouldn't YOU say something first?

Since then, he has sent me a couple other messages (commenting on status updates, my Halloween costume, etc.). And he's also apparently told Amy's husband that he can't understand why I haven't asked him out yet.

Gee, I wonder.

Then, I got a much creepier message.

This time, I received a text message from someone who wasn't in my phone. The sender's address was "HI." Like, whoever sent me the message purposely overwrote their phone number so I couldn't see it, then replaced it with "HI." And so was born The Creepy Texter.

Then I read the message: "Always a Bridesmaid! You are dressed nice today. Love that blouse!"

A few things to comment on:

• The Creepy Texter knew my name. And purposely didn't want me to know his (or hers???).


• The Creepy Texter HAD to have seen me that day. I know, I know. You could say that anyone could guess I was wearing a blouse based on what most girls wear to work. But the truth is, I was wearing a very obvious blouse. One that you WOULD comment on. Not just a plain blue shirt or something. And how did he know I wasn't wearing a sweater or a dress?


• The Creepy Texter used the word "blouse." That in and of itself is creepy. What boy says "blouse?"

After fearing for the entire weekend that I was going to be chopped up into little pieces, I decided (and still HOPE) this was just someone I know playing a prank on me.

But, whoever it was has good taste. I do look cute in that blouse. :)

Random weekend contacts

Had a lot of random run-ins/contact with some current and former XY interests over the weekend.

• The Pocket-sized Chef - saw him at a happy hour event I was at with my sister and brother-in-law. He again pretended like we sort of knew each other, but he wasn't sure from where. I almost reminded him that it was from his incessant phone stalking of me after we first met, but I refrained. I also discovered that I think I may be the same height as him (and I am 5'2").


• The Mouse - got several random text messages from him on Friday nite after the Pocket-sized Chef happy hour run-in. He was out in my neighborhood and wanted to see if I was out (I was home and in my PJs already), then wanted me to give suggestions for places he should go. Our text exchange reminded me that I need to make plans to catch up with him sometime soon b/c we are equals in the smartass department, which I enjoy. (And for those of you who are freaking out reading that, I mean to catch up AS FRIENDS.)


• The Chef - as I mentioned in this post, ran into him at 806 in Tremont.


• The Lawyer - missed a call from him on Sunday evening when I was charging my cell phone (aka Goldie) in the other room. I really do like his voice on messages (this was the first time he left a message... all other times he didn't, which I called him out on during our date). I'll call him back on Monday (it was around 9:45 when I saw the message, and I thought that was too late to return the call).


• The New York Politico (nka The DC Grad Student) - haven't heard from him since the '60s. Then I got a random Facebook post that just said, "Hi cutie." And for some reason, that made me smile more than any of the other boy run-ins this weekend. Weird.

Should be interesting to see what the rest of this month has in store based on the random collection of messages/run-ins in this three-day span. Maybe this is the result of the vibe I was feeling on Saturday! (See this post.)

P.S. Prepare yourselves now, readers. I'm heading to Florida on Thursday for a few days with my GF Molly before she gets married next month (guess you could call it a "friendmoon") and I probably won't be blogging much (if at all). Here's hoping I have some weird run-in with an 80-year-old retiree to keep us ALL entertained next week. :)

Cashing out

Much like the stock market has done the past few days, The Banker has tanked. We were supposed to do something on Tuesday nite (we had decided that over the weekend), but didn't have specific plans. I finally got a text from him at almost 5pm on Tuesday saying that he just found out he had his kids that nite, and could we reschedule for Thursday instead.

A few things:

• I don't think I've ever mentioned the fact that he has two kids before (ages 9 and 4). Truth is, I wasn't 100% sure how I felt about it, and I was trying to figure it out before sharing it with the world (and getting feedback/comments from all of you).


• The text in no way was apologetic. Nothing like, "I am so sorry to do this, but can we reschedule? Blah blah blah." Nope. Just, "Hey, I have the kids tonite. Can we reschedule?"


• The text arrived at NEARLY 5PM. I understand things coming up at the last minute, but I have GOT to believe he knew he was getting his kids sooner than that.

And you know what? I was sort of over it right then and there. I let him know very matter-of-factly (read: sort of bitchy) that I understood his responsibilities lie with his kids, but that he should have let me know way before 5pm that he needed to cancel. I don't think he liked that very much... have heard from him VERY little since then.

So, I think I might have cashed out on The Banker. Too much baggage. He got drunk both times I saw him in person. And I think he might actually be The Unemployed Banker right now based on a few Facebook wall posts I saw (which he never mentioned anything about to me). I have dated an unemployed guy before (who did not have two kids to boot), and I am not really interested in doing that again.

On another note, I have a date next Wednesday with The Lawyer that I met after my friend Molly's bachelorette party last weekend (the one whose card I had in my clutch, but wasn't sure who it was until I sober Facebooked him). He called yesterday, we chatted for about five minutes (while two guys in my office were borderline stalking me b/c we had to talk about a big work project), and we made plans to get together next week.

This lawyer is not to be confused with The Attorney (the guy who my father wants to fix me up with who my friends and I know through a six degrees connection). However, my dad did email me The Attorney's contact info before he and my mom left for their Mediterranean cruise. I'm sure he's hoping we'll be engaged by the time they come home.

So prepare yourselves, friends. I've got two potential lawyers/attorneys in the hopper... AND we'll be without comments from blogmom for 2.5 weeks! I'm not sure what's worse...

Blackout bachelorette bash

Well, my blog friends, Molly's bachelorette bash was a success. The guest of honor had a great time, the food and drink was aplenty and, of course, there are crazy boy stories coming out the back end of the party.

Most notably, apparently I befriended The Chef (not to be confused with The Pocket-Sized Chef) at the restaurant we were at. I also *may* have told him that he should be my date for Molly's wedding (which was told to me this morning; I don't remember this conversation AT ALL).

What I do remember is going through my clutch this morning to find a handwritten piece of paper with all of The Chef's contact info on it, along with the business card of an attorney that I don't even remember meeting.

Note to self: find a new drink of choice. I always knew gin and tonics had the potential of making me mean, but now I know they also make me completely black out.

Anyhow, apparently after chatting with The Chef for some time, he gave me all of his contact info (perhaps b/c he thought we were going to the wedding together -- maybe we are?!?!?). And I logged onto Facebook today to find a friend request from him. I mean, I don't remember anything we talked about. Who knew I could still be charming when I am blackout drunk?

In other news, I did meet up with The Banker on Friday nite for a bit. Met him for a few drinks after he had a dinner party (which I later found out was for his cousin -- which meant his family was still at the restaurant when we met up).

We had fun and laughed a ton, though he did get pretty drunk by the end of the nite (then again, who am I to talk after my performance last nite?). I was slightly weirded out that he called me "babe" when he called to make sure I got home OK, but I'm going to chalk it up to the drinking.

Let's hope The Chef is as forgiving and realizes our talk about him being my wedding date should be chalked up to the Tanqueray. Regardless, rehearsal dinner is sure to bring some additional stories, since it's at the same restaurant we were at last nite.

The phrase of this weekend became "I didn't think this through" (courtesy of our friend, Michele). Man, truer words were never spoken.

P.S. Thanks for giving us an excuse to party, Molls. Hope you had a blast at your final fling before the ring!

Please don't sabotage me, sissies

Dear sisters -

Thanks so much for posting pictures from our family vacation to Facebook. The trip was super fun (minus the day 1 fight and the day 7 car malfunction/trip to McSchivatz). It was fun to relive the week with those pics.

BUT, I won't thank you for posting that one heinous pic of me, then getting mad when I untagged myself. I think we can all agree that I looked horrifically creepy. (And it wasn't even a bathing suit shot!)

Need I remind you that I am single and looking for a man? Scary pics of me on FB are not going to help that cause.

So please stop being mad that I untagged myself (the horror!) and posting the pic everywhere else you can think of. Unless, of course, you would like me to be the old maid aunt to your yet-to-be conceived children.

Love -
Your sis, Always a Bridesmaid

The name says it all

I just joined a Facebook group called, "My Friends Are Getting Married. I'm Just Getting Drunk." 'nuff said.

Speaking of Facebook... how incredibly scary is it that everyone on your friend list knows when you have a date if someone posts something on your wall about it? Cue segue...

I have a date tomorrow nite (we'll call him The Coach). My friend Sarah from college (who I rarely see anymore but always have a super fun time with when we do hang out) met him thru her BF and thought we'd get along. She has a very good track record of fix-ups (as in, several engagements/marriages have resulted), so I'm trusting her on this one.

But now my sisters (at least, one of my sisters) know about the date b/c Sarah posted something about it on my FB wall. Which means my ENTIRE FAMILY will know about this date within 20 minutes.