Not much to update on...

... but I have a feeling that may all change tomorrow.

Why, you ask? Well, I agreed to go to an event with my crazy fun 60-year-old aunt. My crazy fun 60-year-old aunt who is totes into fixing me up and claiming the finders' fee.

She told me she's got someone she "wants to introduce me to." And she's already claiming rights to the finders' fee.

For the sweet love of Jesus and Mary. Well, even if nothing pans out with this guy, I can guarantee you there will at least be a good story associated with it, if I know my aunt at all.

(And if it totally sucks, at least I know there will be homemade limoncello to down at her house afterward. Eff the trying to steer clear of drinking thing.)

I mean, I thought last Friday's "cock hunt outing" (so termed by my friend and her hubs, who had been planning a manhunt outing for weeks) was embarrassing enough. But I have a feeling that tomorrow may be even more... umm... interesting.

(And in case you're wondering, the cock hunt was a bust. But I still had fun with my pregs friend and her very determined hubs/my wingman.)

So, while you're all waiting for updates on tomorrow's adventure with my aunt, put on your thinking caps... because it's time to name September's dating adventures!!

What do you think? September to Remember? SeptMENber? September Salami? Whaddya got for me?

Baby mama drama

Hi, guys! I had sooooo planned to write this post sooner.

It was gonna be about my drink cheating on Friday nite.

With a recap of my sister's baby shower on Sunday to boot.

But that all got thrown for a loop when my sissy (the same one we had a shower for the day before) got in a crazy bad car accident on Monday afternoon. The accident wasn't her fault, but she ended up getting hit by cars from two different directions, all the airbags in her car went off and the car was totaled.

But the baby (and soon-to-be new little man in my life) is okay. And so is she.

Phew. (And now that I know she's okay... would it have been soooooo much to ask for a cute doctor to be doing rounds while I was at the hospital? Geez.)

See? I wasn't lying with the title of this post.

So, I'll probably write more about the shower later. (Including the cake. Ahh-maaaa-zing.) But for now, I just wanted to remind all of you to be thankful every day for your sisters and girlfriends.

Because no matter whether you have a guy in your life (we all know where I fall on that spectrum right now), you will always have your sisters and friends.

And that's pretty good too. :)

Buuuuut before I go... I do have some other exciting news. (Drumroll, please.) Auntie AAB is going to be an auntie times two! That's right, folks. My other sissy is pregs too. Congrats, sis! I'm so happy for you!!! :)

So, to recap:

• Sissy one is due in October.

• Sissy two is due in February.

• And sissy three (me) is due. For a date. Real soon.

Forgive me, readers, for I may sin (tonite)

No, not in THAT way.

In the alcohol drinking way.

I'm heading out tonite for a GNO with two of my girlfriends, one of whom (L) is getting married in a few short weeks. (So you know you have at least one more summer wedding post to look forward to!) Anyhow, this will likely be our last single girls' hurrah. When I told K & L that I'm alcohol detoxing (not that I had to -- they already knew from the blog), this was the response I got from K:

We made an executive decision and you are drinking.

Who am I to argue with that? Really, I have been doing pretty well about eating healthier and avoiding those nasty little friends of mine, G & T. (Gin and tonic, for those of you who are new here. And for those of you who know me well, you know it's really B & T: blackout and tonic.)

I mean, everything in moderation, right?

(Except for dating, which I'm apparently really good at not doing.)

So, I'm not a perfect woman. I'm probably going to sneak in a few G&Ts with K&L tonite. But I sorta felt like if I confessed before I do it, it will be a less heinous crime to all of you.

As for the rest of the weekend... I'll be in prep/cooking/decorating mode for my sissy's baby shower on Sunday. I can't believe I am going to be Auntie AAB in less than two months!

Hey, I'll drink to that. ;)

The Cougar Claw

So I've got this necklace that I bought last year at Francesca's that I lovingly refer to as my Cougar Claw. It seems like any time I go out and am wearing this thing, the young boys flock to me. Behold it in its splendor:



Now, I don't even really like this necklace that much anymore. But at this point, it's become such a running joke in my office that I like to throw it on every now and then simply to entertain everyone. It's always good for a laugh.

(Until people started asking me if I carry coke in it like Sarah Michelle Gellar did in Cruel Intentions. But I digress.)

Anyhow, today I was wearing The Claw, and not one, but TWO, people commented on what a good mood I've been in lately.

(I believe the exact term was "disturbingly nice." How's THAT for a back-handed compliment?!?)

Anyhow, the joke then became that I was in a good mood because of The Claw, though my co-workers disagreed on why:

1. one thought that perhaps I was, indeed, simply totally coked out (and, hence, happily dealing with the major stress I've been under at work lately in a full-out drug coma) BUT

2. the other thought that maybe I've capitalized on the "cougar" part of the Cougar Claw, and that I was perhaps getting some action from a younger male companion

I laughed heartily at both suggestions. For one, I have never done a drug in my life. (Other than alcohol. Which, as you know, is banned for me right now.) And for another, I am nowhere NEAR getting action of the sweet love variety.

In fact, I announced to both of them that if and when I actually DO start getting some sweet love from a boy, I will take out an ad in the Plain Dealer because it will be such big news.

Which brings me to this: If you were to write an ad (or even a headline for an ad) for me to announce the end of my dating drought, what would it say?

(Keep it relatively clean, kids. Blogmom and blogdad are reading.)

Feast or famine

What's got two thumbs, started a diet/alcohol detox this week and still went to the Feast this weekend? THIS GIRL.

Dumb, I know.

(The starting a diet/no drinking before the Feast thing. And, actually, maybe the Feast thing in general.)

Don't get me wrong. I'm Italian. I love Italians. And I actually love the Feast. But what in the EFF makes everyone become one of the Gotti brothers when the Feast comes to Little Italy every year?

As you might have guessed, I did not find Mr. Future Always a Bridesmaid this weekend. However, I did find:

• Several men wearing more hair product than me


• A guy wearing a cut-up Ed Hardy t-shirt with cut-up jeans to match


• A bazillion tattoos


• A gazillion gold chains


• Too many wife beaters to count

The best part about the nite was texting with Mr. X about everything going down around us (he was at a party somewhere else), including the creepy guys lurking around us and the cougars boogeying down to Disco Inferno in the tent. Though, I was disgusted when Mr. X suggested I go up to the lurkers and yank on their chest hair.

(Sorry, guys. Mr. X knows about the blog from mutual friends, and I've not quite figured out how to deal with that little sitch yet. So, until then, no writing about him. Though I suppose I just did, huh? See? Told you I'm still trying to figure it out.)

In the course of the nite, I also received this text from blogmom (while I was still at a party at a friend's house):

R u @ the feast

(Sidenote: I find it absolutely hilarious that blogmom uses shorthand when she texts my sissies and me. Or that she texts at all, for that matter.)

I told her I was still at the party, but would likely head down to the Feast soon. Then I asked her why she wanted to know, figuring it had something to do with a boy. I was right.

Met a man & his girlfriend & he knows [BLOGCOUSIN] & wants u 2 meet his son. Have his info & did NOT give out yours.

Now that's just mean, blogmom. You know I'm on a diet. I can't have any Italian sausage. ;)

When AAB Got Her Groove Back

When I was a freshman in high school, there was a senior I had a crush on for several months. The Senior and I had an art class together, and he was also friends with my best friend's brother.

So, I got to admire him (from afar) often.

I distinctly remember one time we all went out (my BFF, me, her bro and The Senior), and it became clear that maybe the crush was mutual. The only thing that came between us and our first kiss (my first-EVER kiss, to be exact) was this stupid rubber band I had for my braces that went from the top right eye tooth to the bottom left one.

That's right. In a diagonal. Across the front of my mouth.

(I'm convinced to this day that blogdad bribed the orthodontist to do that just so I couldn't kiss boys. A braces chastity belt, if you will.)

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when The Senior found me on Facebook. He now lives in Florida, and we started emailing for a couple of weeks. We got caught up on each others' lives and joked about our mutual crushes back in high school, and the fact that we never really acted on our feelings.

(Isn't it funny that a senior/freshman romance seems so crazy in high school, but when you're in your 30s, the age difference is nothing at all?)

Anyhow, even though I know nothing will ever happen with The Senior (he lives in Florida, after all -- and he listens to country music), it was nice to hear from someone who knew me back when I had braces and dark curly hair.

The Senior said the sweetest things in his messages to me, telling me that I had grown up to be quite a catch -- boosting a down girl's ego at just the right time. And then, he sent me this email after I had posted pics from a wedding I had gone to the weekend before:

You're so pretty it's retarded.

Now, I know what you're thinking. It's sort of flattering and sort of offensive, no? (I thought the same thing.) But then he followed it up with this:

The 14 year old girl I knew in high school with the bobbed hair and braces was cute. I suppose I owe you an apology for saying you were pretty, I guess I meant to say beautiful.

Wow! After several months of dating and boy disasters (I mean, DI-SAAAAAS-TERS), something about that email from him gave me just the boost I needed.

So, thanks, The Senior. K.I.T., ok?

AAB's got her groove back, thanks to you. (And, for the record, getting out of the funk gave me the inspiration to get my ass back in shape. Literally.)

Did you ever have someone -- especially someone relatively random -- help get you out of a funk?

More cushion for the pushin' = unhappy AAB

I'm officially on a Date Me Diet.

I have been so crazy busy with work and volunteer stuff over the past couple of months that my workout routine has really gone to hell.

As in, it has totally not been happening.

Add to that the late-nite eating that happens when I do get home from after-work events/activities, and the multiple cocktails I often have while I'm out and... well... let's just say that Spanx have become my best friend lately.

(I've also been having regular bouts of insomnia, which I hear can lead to weight gain too. Awesome.)

And you know what's even more frightening to me than the numbers staring back from the scale? The idea of going out with a boy and having him touch any part of my body that I am weirded out about these days.

(Which is basically anything from the neck down, with the exception of my hands.)

I'm wondering if I'm not inadvertently avoiding contact with boys because I am so self-conscious about my weight/body right now.

So, I'm off the sauce for the next month. (As in, alcohol. Or BBQ, I suppose.)

And I'm eating healthier. (Salad for lunch today. Chicken and steamed broccoli for dinner.)

And I'll be attempting to work out more too. (Though that's the one piece of the pie that's hardest for me, given my schedule right now.)

Here's hoping I can drop these pesky 7-10 pounds quickly... then pick up another 200 lbs. or so (in the form of a hot, juicy man!).

Wish me luck!

Back & ready to rock (and date!)

Hi, guys!! I’m baaaaa-aaaaaack.

And I’ve missed you!

(But I really needed that blogcation. Thanks for hanging in there.)

Since I’ve been gone:

• There have been a plethora of new dating shows that debuted: Dating in the Dark, More to Love (which one of my sissies calls “The Fatchelor”) and some cable TV show where women swap cities with each other to find out if their true love is simply geographically undesirable. My hands-down fave? Dating in the Dark. It is amazing to watch the contestants describe what they think their love match looks like to one of those court sketch artists, then see how frighteningly realistic (or hilariously wrong!) the sketches are.



• There were try-outs on August 1st for new contestants for The Bachelor. If I got one more email, text or tweet that day telling me to head to Pat O’Brien Chevy to try out, I was going to poke my eyes out with my Girl Sweetheart’s daily prayer card.



• Luckily, I had a good excuse not to go to the try-outs because I was preoccupied by – you guessed it!! – another wedding. This was the first wedding in a couple of years that I wasn’t a maid of honor, bridesmaid or reader. My only job was to break it down on the dance floor. (Mission accomplished.) More to come on the wedding in a future post.



• I picked up several new readers. Hi, everyone! I’m not quite sure what to think about the fact that I got more readers by not writing, but I’m glad you’re here regardless. :)

And, while on our family vacation in mid-July, apparently one of my brothers-in-law announced to blogdad that he thinks I’ve already met my future husband, and that we just need to connect in “that way.” (I was not around when this conversation occurred, but one Mr. Grey Goose was.)

Hmmm. Well, I will say that a number of boys who I already knew (e.g., high school, family friends, etc.) have re-appeared in the past several weeks. But, to date, well… there have been no dates. (So much for Summer of Sin!) Nope, no dates. Just a lot of phone talking (yay for boys who call instead of texting!), texting, emailing and Facebooking. (To be fair, a couple of them live out of town, so it's really not all that easy to go on dates, I suppose.)

So, stay tuned, guys! Here’s hoping the rest of the summer brings some fun dating adventures.

How’s your love life been lately? Any fun stories for little ol' me?