Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Cougar Claw

So I've got this necklace that I bought last year at Francesca's that I lovingly refer to as my Cougar Claw. It seems like any time I go out and am wearing this thing, the young boys flock to me. Behold it in its splendor:



Now, I don't even really like this necklace that much anymore. But at this point, it's become such a running joke in my office that I like to throw it on every now and then simply to entertain everyone. It's always good for a laugh.

(Until people started asking me if I carry coke in it like Sarah Michelle Gellar did in Cruel Intentions. But I digress.)

Anyhow, today I was wearing The Claw, and not one, but TWO, people commented on what a good mood I've been in lately.

(I believe the exact term was "disturbingly nice." How's THAT for a back-handed compliment?!?)

Anyhow, the joke then became that I was in a good mood because of The Claw, though my co-workers disagreed on why:

1. one thought that perhaps I was, indeed, simply totally coked out (and, hence, happily dealing with the major stress I've been under at work lately in a full-out drug coma) BUT

2. the other thought that maybe I've capitalized on the "cougar" part of the Cougar Claw, and that I was perhaps getting some action from a younger male companion

I laughed heartily at both suggestions. For one, I have never done a drug in my life. (Other than alcohol. Which, as you know, is banned for me right now.) And for another, I am nowhere NEAR getting action of the sweet love variety.

In fact, I announced to both of them that if and when I actually DO start getting some sweet love from a boy, I will take out an ad in the Plain Dealer because it will be such big news.

Which brings me to this: If you were to write an ad (or even a headline for an ad) for me to announce the end of my dating drought, what would it say?

(Keep it relatively clean, kids. Blogmom and blogdad are reading.)

17 comments:

Cougar Country said...

Mr. X Marks the (G-)Spot!

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Nice, Cougar Country. I said keep it CLEAN! LOL.

Anonymous said...

I thought that I was the King of Backhanded compliments! Anyone who makes any disgusting remarks about that CLAW, beware. I might place that claw where the sun don't shine.

Love ya,
Blogdad

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

every headline that i come up with is a play on your last name, which i can't put here.

i'll email them to your privately cause they are good ones.

hahaha

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Blogdad -- actually, my sissies are typically the best at doling out the back-handed compliments (e.g., your hair actually looks good today).

Alexa -- I can only imagine. Oy.

Allison M. said...

Scored! and i'm not afraid to say jazzercise in front of him.

Shoes Always Fit said...

Do you think you might be in such a good mood because alcohol is off limits and you're eating healthier?

Keep up the good work there!

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Allison -- LOL. I can't believe you used the "j" word. ;)

Shoes Always Fit -- eff. I didn't think of that. So does this mean I have to be healthy ALL the time? ha!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious post...Cougar Country's recommendation is awesome.

By the way, no more backhanded compliments now that I know Blogdad is the King. Don't want to get him flustered.

MG said...

speaking of which....this is a designer people should be gfetting into instead of just buying the same old brand names to compete/keep up with the Joneses in our media-drenched, consumerist (and boring) society.

I have stuff from the guy's collection. It's great.

create your own meaning!

http://www.clawmoney.com/women.html

http://www.formatmag.com/features/claw-money/

cougar hunter said...

the drought is over!

Julesercise said...

I resent that remark...I mean, both of you (my sisters) coined me as the NICE sister. Hrumph.

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Anon -- I thought it was pretty good too, but I had to act offended b/c blogdad was reading. ;)

MG -- shilling product? Maybe I should start selling ad space here.

Cougar hunter -- from your lips to God's ears!

Julesercise -- being the nicest of the three of us is like being the prettiest "before" on the TV show The Swan. Still ain't that great. Ha!

Christina K said...

Sweetheart Prayer Yields Sweet Action for Local Cougar...Order Yours for only two payments of $9.99!

MG said...

hahaha. I dont like get a cut of it,I'm doing it for free cuz it's worth everyone's while to check it out/give them sales vs. whomever.

It's related to your post too. You casn wear your claw on a shirt, let the world know...

also, yes every "serious" blogger has google adsense enabled.

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Christina -- hilarious! Love it.

MG -- I am a "serious" blogger. I'm just not in this to make money. I do it because I like to. That's all.

MG said...

I know. I wasn't saying you're not. But yeah, time to monetize. It's a market economy.

(and if it makes you feel weird/less genuine to do so, take the funds and give em to those charities you're invovled in).