Sunday, April 5, 2009

A new month, an old flame

Thanks to everyone who suggested names for this month's dating escapades. I loved them all and couldn't pick a fave, so I'm going to go with the whole "blood is thicker than blog-ter" mantra and pick blogmom's: April Adventures. (BTW, you won't see that suggestion as a comment on my last post. She texted it to me because she's afraid to comment on the blog too much. Oh, blogmom. How cute.)

And, as part of April Adventures, I'm going to try something new. There is a particular boy who I have a crush on right now (let's just say my stomach dropped when I met him). And I'm wondering if maybe the bad luck in my dating life is coming from blogging about the boys I go out with. (Wouldn't it be a pisser if the saboteur was right? That I'm inadvertently screwing up my dating life?)

So, I'm not going to blog about him. At least, not until I see where this is going.

In the meantime, I'm sure there will be plenty of other AAB escapades to share. For example... there was an ex-sighting this morning. Here's what happened.

I met a couple of my friends for brunch at Sweet Melissa's in Rocky River. When I got there, I scored an awesome spot on the street, and as I got out I noticed that the car behind me looked very similar to The Divorcee's. However, there are a zillion cars like that on the road, so I didn't really think anything of it.

(Sidenote: I just accidentally typed, "I didn't really think anything of us." Interesting.)

Anyhow, as we were looking over the menu, I glanced up to find that my ExSP was right, as I watched The Divorcee and a girl (who knows blogdad, BTW -- more six degrees of separation!) leaving the restaurant.

(I ALWAYS get this weird ESP feeling prior to running into this guy. My friends and I are sort of freaked out about it now, actually.)

But you know what? This was the first time that I have seen him since we broke up that I didn't feel a pang of sadness.

(Don't get me wrong. It was still weird to see him. Especially with a girl.)

Hmmm. Finally getting over an ex? Now that is sweet.


Anonymous said...

It's music to my ears.....

Love - MAR

PS - TOTALLY jealous you went to Sweet Melissa's today!

Always a Bridesmaid said...

MAR - I know, right? And don't worry... you'll still get the inside scoop on the unnamed potential boy. :)

Anonymous said...

I piece of advice from Blogdad. I read a great book this weekend (The Last Lecture). He is leaving this thought for his daughter..."When it comes to men who are romatically interested in you, it is really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do". I am glad you are over the Divorcee, I know Blogmom and I are.

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Thanks, blogdad (and blogmom!). :)

Jane Doe said...

I agree with the writing thing. When I was dating, I would often get really excited about a first date, and talk about it with co-workers and friends during the week leading up to it. The date would almost always flop. When I met my husband, I really liked him, and I only told one person (besides my mom) that I was going out with him that weekend. The date was really fun. I started talking about him more after that, and now we live happily ever after. Coincidence? Probably. But you never know. I think maybe the talking about things builds up so much anticipation that whatever happens afterward is often a letdown.

MG said...

I can’t comment on whether blogging ruins dating someone with serious potential as I don’t know about things like serious potential, dating blogs, or their convergence but I CAN say that you certainly can’t go wrong by abstaining from blogging about this guy. I find self-denial and delayed gratification leads to both deeper and further satisfaction as well as mental and emotional clarity. Indulgence can certainly be fun and there is a season for it, but it never seems to lead to anything sustainable or of true value, so choose wisely.

I think a few questions worth asking yourself before making the final call are: is blogging about a date deeply meditative or thought provoking? Do you actually learn new things about yourself by virtue of the thought you are forced to put into blogging, thus blogging becomes a form of self exploration and search for deeper meaning? Or is it merely re-telling the anecdotal “minutes” of a date without analyzing the events’ actual meaning? You can decide based on your private answers whether that leads to believe you should or shouldn’t but I’d say you’re better off not blogging and just be in the moment when you’re together, at least a while. If he’s a tangible old flame, not an inkling of interest, I wish you the best of luck and would say keep it cool when the stakes are high.

HOWEVER, if there is no serious potential there (stakes are low) or the date was just for fun-I feel like you vaguely have the goal of meeting someone of marriage material but also seem to be having fun with the process as well (and many would argue you gotta love process to get quality product anyway) or maybe I’m mis-reading your intentions (or, maybe there’s a gender-based communication gap in which you ARE serious about meeting someone but this blog and its comedy and whimsical nature may betray that serious intent in the eyes of men (and that could be a marketing problem)), then by all means blog away! There’s little more hilarious and entertaining than true war stories (yes, that’s a reference to “Love is a Battlefield).I’d tell more of my own if they wouldn’t make me look so bad…

The Greek.

p.s. about the Divorce√©, Cleveland’s ridiculously small I’m starting to find…and I don’t like it. I'm thankful my exes are in Columbus, Atlanta and Austin, Texas respectively, so I never just "run into" anyone.

pps- sorry about the gonzo, multiple parenthesis, full of run-on sentences, format of that last paragraph, I’ve been reading David Foster Wallace…and I like it.

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Jane Doe - I think you're right. I'm going to play it cool with this one and see how it goes.

The Greek - Crap. I am so confused about half of what you said. (Must be those run-on sentences. Or the fact that men and women really DO think differently.) But I think I sorta get what you're saying: don't write about somebody if I think there might be something more there. But then again... that was the reason I started this blog in the first place (so everyone would stop asking me what was going on in my love life). What's a girl to do?

MG said...

Fair point, I'll seperate the thoughts, but only about the last paragraph. I know you can ask yourself and answer the blogging questions, you're a bright girl:

First off, it's not abundantly clear what your goals are:

Are you speficially as a goal looking for love or are you juat having fun along the road but hoping to find love? I think deep down everyone is always open to love, despite sometimes saying otherwise, because on a chemical level love is intoxicating.

As an example, I'll throw myself under the bus: I'm 27 and have been absolutely single for years now. I've had patches of seemingly quasi-relationship quasi-monogoamy, but essentially, I'm feral (not a dog, more a wolf). Currently, i have no goals beyond professional; i feel no pangs of lonliness that cant be easily solved, I feel no clock ticking and question if i'd want children ever at all (i certainly don't now or soon) and probably have a deep fear of commitment and am deeply jaded in some way or another, who knows, i havent even spent the time to figure That being the case, for me things will happen when they do, no real plan and accept the consequences for the lack of plan.

Do you feel the same? Is it "if it happens, cool, if not, whatever, rock n roll" Or, would you date someone who's just fun for fun or have you "been there done that" and realized you'll inevitably want to change the person and it won't work? Or, do you think maybe you could change someone like that? Or do you know for sure you indeed want to get married and for that be reasonable, you need someone you actually want to marry, ergo you're very much interested SPECIFICALLY in finding marriage material only? Is anything but that a waste of time (as someone women will label a guy if he doesn't specifically match her long term goals).

Transitioning, it's possible, and I dont know who else reads this fine publication, that while YOU feel you're very serious about meeting someone serious, the nature of blogging about it; the tone, style, etc. may make it seem like you're not as serious about. Many times in my life i've been the boy who cried wolf and after so much joking around when it was time to ber serious, no one believed me, and it pissed me off because my intentions were serious. Sadly, when it comes to dealing with other people, sometimes your intent is less important to them than their own perceptions of it. We're all "selfish" and very stuck inside ourselves in that respect. So while i can read words that say "I'm serious about meeting a man" it also seems like you're having fun dating around too...and if you're having fun dating around, you're not serious about just one person which axiomatically does NOT work within the context/confines of the concept of marriage in our culture. Thus, I think some people would 1/2 pragmatically, 1/2 ignorantly say either, "have fun dating around" or "be serious about settle down" with no possible in-betweens---unless, of course, your mantra is "whatever happens happens" but then you may not be working for your goal (depending on what yours is...) and if you're not working on your goal, then you may be responsible for it not happening and how would you deal with that?

I'd ask about whether you believ ein fate, are a fatalistic person, type A personality, etc. but that's a whole different can of worms for now.

p.s. I'll tell you one thing I've experienced with a few women; the less you care at first, the more interested they are at first...conversely, the less you care later on, the more they move on. The more you care up front, the less interested they are at first...the more you care later on, they less they want to move on.

Always a Bridesmaid said...

The Greek - I guess the answer to your ultimate question is that yes, I do want to find Mr. Right. But to find him, I know that I may have to date a lot of people. So, I'm having as much fun as I can in the process. But, to be honest with you, I can't wait for it to be over.

MG said...

ok, so now we know specficially what you want and perhaps you'd acquiesce to the idea that anything off the path is a waste of time? I think men will perceive having as much fun as possible (because we want fun) differently than having fun dating around (implied other guys in the picture) so it may have something to do with how you're presented here*. Perhaps you are sabotaging yourself writing this and if they feel like you're just talking to them, but having a blast, then youre intentions will better resonate.

There are a lot of questions I could further ask, but I think you're making a wise choice by not blogging about the new/old flame...the problem with being any type of artist, and we'll consider writing a dating blog artistry as its presenting/creating material and content, is that most if not all artists eventually suffer socially from the fact that there are moments the importance of the work/asrtistry overshadows the importance of their social relationships.

My advice to you would be to be a little bit more selfish...if this blog was started to tell people what you were up to dating-wise or on your path to marriage, not become the more-entertaining dating circus it appears (to be honest it does, and of course that's why it's good but the people who like it are probably happy it's not them or not marriage material) then perhaps the issue isn't the blog itself so much as the interest/feeling the need to answer questions from people about what you're up to. Be a bit more "selfish" and not be willing to answer some of those private questions beyond your immediate circle. I'm pretty social and I joke around a lot, but I don't talk about my serious business with more than 2-3 people really. Most men are like that about their feelings and while we accept women are more expressive, that doesn't mean the guy you like will understand it on this scope...or care.

After all, no marriage is transparent so once you meet said guy, I'd gather he'd figure/accept you and your girls will talk as they do, but your relationship will not be a blog.

* do other guys you've gone aout with know about the blog? Do they read it? Do you have any feedback on that topic?

Tube Top said...

Too bad "The Greek" didn't have much to say!! Geez!!!

MG said...

@Tubetop, I'm chatty.

"Deal with it. Rock n roll"

rachaelgking said...

Oh, it really is the sweetest moment EVER!!!

(It's even sweeter if you can see in HIS eyes that he's not as over you...)

Anonymous said...

Ha! I agree with Tube Top. No offense "The Greek!" But I'm finally finished reading through your comments (and exhausted) #2 was never meant to be with our girl! But I am glad she now has another daily blog follower!!! :)