During the revelry that was the all-girls bachelor party for our friend Brian a couple of weekends ago, I gave my number to a guy who was hanging out near us at the Velvet Dog.
What a mistake.
(And I wasn't even drunk.)
(OK, I wasn't even that drunk.)
Anyhow, he called three times the day after we met (but did not leave a message), then sent me a text the following day:
Hello AAB this Grammar Guy from the roof top saturday night. How u do n what's up wit u
Ummm... that is just all kinds of wrong. (Especially b/c anyone who knows me in real life calls me the Grammar Queen. Even though I take a lot of grammatical liberties when it comes to my blog. Like that past non-sentence, for example.)
Anyhow, I immediately knew I was not interested. But I didn't want to be a complete bitch, so I politely wrote back (with correct grammar) and told him that I had a long day at work and was heading to a meeting for the rest of the nite.
Below is the series of follow-up texts that I received from him (none of which I responded to):
- Jus takin it easy. Call me when your done I want to talk to u. What type if (sic) work u do (sent late last Monday)
- Goodmorning AAB. Hope u have a wonderful day today. When u get a minute give me a call or text. ***Grammar Guy*** (sent last Tuesday morning before 7am -- and, yes, he did sign his name with three stars on either side of it)
- Hi AAB. Give me a call when u get this message. (sent later that same day around 5pm)
He then proceeded to call me TWICE that nite. The last time he called, he left a message and said he wasn't going to call again if I didn't call him back.
(And, P.S., he talks just like he texts.)I didn't call or text back. So I thought the saga was over. Until I got this doozy on Thursday:
Hi, Always a Bridesmaid. Jus wanted to know if I could meet u somewhere or take u out this weekend.
Now don't get me wrong. I realize that not everyone was an English major in college... but I also can not ever imagine dating someone who talks and/or texts like 50 Cent. I mean, the word "just" has a "t" on the end of it, FYI.
Man, I obviously needed Jorge as a wingman the nite I met the Grammar Guy... to "jus" keep me AWAY from him!***Always a Bridesmaid***
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16 comments:
it would help if readers could hear you verbalize the text messaging. It makes it that much more hilarious.
Amazing post. Oh, stupid people are so entertaining. And he sounds like a stage 5 clinger - what a winner.
Allison -- you're right. If I were technologically savvy at all, this post would make for a GREAT podcast. LOL.
Rena -- aaaahhh-gree on the clinger comment. Psycho.
Jus takin easy--my favorite line!
hahahaha!!!!
you really judge grammar in texts? damn!
the rest? Yikes!
Bird -- my fave line too! (Especially b/c I don't think I asked him what he was doing. Think I just said something like, "hope all is well.")
MG -- I don't typically judge text grammar... but when someone sends me something like "how u do n," I am officially scared.
I would have responded at least once "hey, knock it off."
how are women so good at ignoring stuff (or at least noting something then choosing not to respond)? this has always intrigued me...
two quick things:
1. if you hypothetically wanted to do a pod-cast, the necessary equipment isnt terribly expensive and easy to get. I know this ebcause we have it at my office.
2. just putting this out there, my friend I was with last week has no idea who you are persay (in his mind i have all these acquantances I know from various charities, ad agencies, etc.) but mentioned your being "very attractive."
God, how shitty would it be if MG gets the finders' fee?
"Jus say n" :)
HILARIOUS! I am going through a similar series of texts, could it POSSIBLY be the same guy?!?! I met him LAST Saturday at Barley House and was forced into giving him my # because he pulled the old "I'll call you now from my phone so you have my number too" trick. I got a text at 3am that night asking what I was doing, then he called twice Sunday and didn't leave a voicemail, then texted Sunday night, then called and texted a few more times throughout the week and finally left one voicemail Thursday...I never responded to ANY of his calls/texts and thought I was in the clear until this afternoon when I got this text: "When can I take you 2 dinner girl"...YUCK! I too am a grammar queen!
DL -- OMG! You HAVE to email me and just tell me the guy's first name (cleve27dresses@yahoo.com)... if it's the same guy, I'll crap! LOL.
Cool guys don't talk about themselves in the 3rd person.
Oh no...bad grammar is a total dealbreaker.
out of curiosity both DL and AAB, as this one of those guys with the really thin (blonde/lighter)mustaches that they really can't technically grow but sport anyway to look manly? I only ask as anding questions with "girl" always reminds me of those guys...
"(And, P.S., he talks just like he texts.)"
If the rest of it wasn't a complete dealbreaker (which it was), that just made me throw up a little.
Anon -- I'm not sure he'd even know what third person means if you explained it to him. :)
Chelsea -- I can sort of deal with bad written grammar, but when you speak that way too... NO WAY!
MG -- my guy did not have a blonde mustache.
LiLu -- I wish I could play the voicemail for you. You'd crap.
The Barley House is terrible, just terrible. both the guys and girls there. I ended up there for a minute a few weeks ago and couldn't help but make fun of everyothe whole thing...it was the only way to not cry for humanity.
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