A confession

OK, so I admit it.

I haven't done one of the things I was supposed to do in YESvember.

You know, that thing you guys all voted on.

I've been putting it off. (And dreading it, really.) And then I realized today is the last day of the month.

Crap.

But I have PMS. I am totes in Crabville, USA today. Population: Me.

So it's gonna have to wait. Because I'm pretty sure the profile I'd write right about now would only attract serial killers, EMO-sensitive types or just generally creepy creepertons. So, bear with me. Pleaseandthankyou.

In the meantime... it's time to name December's dating adventures!! Whaddya got for me?

Another white gown (and it's still not mine)

As of tomorrow, I will officially be a godmother.

Which means yet again I will be playing a supporting role in a church ceremony and STILL NOT BE THE ONE WEARING THE LONG WHITE GOWN.

Eff.

Well, happy baptism anyhow, blognephew! Love you to pieces!

xoxo -

Auntie AAB

Pass the stuffing...

... but, please, NO MORE TURKEYS.

(Is this deja vu? I swear I wrote the same post last year. Oh, wait. I did.)

At least I do have some wonderful things to be thankful for this year. (Can you say blognephew?!?!)

(Oh, and I'm very thankful for Spanx, too.)

Many blessings to you and yours! Have a great holiday!

Noddin' my head like yeah (or no?)

Back in September, I took my friend from work out to celebrate her birthday. While we were out, I pointed out to her THE. HOTTEST. GUY. I. HAVE. EVER. SEEN. IN. REAL. LIFE.

(For realz, peeps. Salt and pepper hair. Beaming blue eyes. Dimples. Hot bod. And a smile that would make even a dentist melt.)

As the nite went on, I could not stop talking about this guy. But he was soooo cute, even I -- who can carry on a 20-minute conversation with a cocktail napkin -- was too timid to strike up a convo.

Later in the nite, I came back from the bathroom to find my friend chatting with HGE (Hottest Guy Ever). As I approached, she turned to me, introduced us and mouthed to me, "You're welcome." (Even though I initially was pissed because I thought she was trying to steal him for herself.)

We hung out for the rest of the nite. As it turned out, his job is very closely tied to what my friend and I do, so we exchanged business cards. (My signature move.)

(Sidenote: on the way home, my friend and I had a 20-minute conversation about whether he was gay. Super good looking. Charming. Funny. And he danced. And was good at it.)

HGE and I emailed occasionally after that (mostly work-related). But in one of my emails, I mentioned that I was going later that nite to the place where we met.

I had forgotten about that email until I got a text later that nite from an unknown number that simply said, "How's South Side?"

At first I thought it might have been one of my psycho text stalkers from the past. But it turned out to be HGE.

I may or may not have peed a little with excitement.

So HGE and I made the move from emailing to texting. He said he was out with clients, but would rather be at South Side. Interesting. Though until he put his money where his heart-shaped mouth was, I wasn't buying it.

We hadn't emailed or texted in quite some time after that. Fast forward to this past weekend, when HGE texted to tell me that he had just landed in Chicago and that I should come meet him.

Wickywhaaat?!?! Seriously. What is up with this guy?

(Other than being incredibly gorgeous. And funny. And possibly gay.)

We exchanged a series of texts (most of which were much flirtier than any others).

And then the text that ended all texting happened.

I said something about being embarrassed that I was dancing to Miley Cyrus. To which he responded, "I like her too."

Aaaaaaand... that is when all questioning was confirmed. When HGE went from being Hottest Guy Ever to Hottest Gay Ever in my little black(berry) book.

Or do you think he's just a perverted older man? Please, please tell me he's just a pervert. Because then I at least still have a chance.

Happy anniversary to me!

(Oh, and to Molly and Drew too.)

See, today is the one year anniversary of the last time I was a bridesmaid. And I can not believe how much things have changed in the past year.

Welcome to what I like to call my own personal baby boom.

• Molly and Drew got married a year ago today and are expecting a baby in January.

• Sissy #1 got pregs and had a baby in October. (My sweet little nugget nephew.)

• Sissy #2 got pregs and is due in February. (My soon-to-be sweet little nugget niece.)

• Simply Married got pregs and had a baby about a week ago. (Can't wait to meet you, Aubrey!)

• And my cousin got pregs and is due in January. (Another little lady to add to the fam.)

I suppose I should have expected this. I mean, after you're a bridesmaid a zillion times, it only stands to reason that the next stage of your life will be going to a zillion baby showers.

But geez. How did I go from buying candy nipple tassels to buying breast pumps?

Can't hurt to ask

THE SETTING: My friends' daughter's birthday party in mid-October.

THE CHARACTERS: The little girl's parents (my friends), paternal grandparents, paternal aunt and me. The little girl's maternal uncle arrives late (after flying in from out of town) and is dropped off from the airport by his married friend, Airport Ride. (Read: I'm clearly not hitting on the married friend in the scene outlined below.) Airport Ride (AR, below) seems very nice. I immediately know he's "good people."

AAAAAAAAAAAND SCENE:

ME: "So, do you have any single friends, AR?" (asked after I literally talked to him for four minutes... but long enough to judge his character and get a good vibe)

AR: "Hmmm. I don't know."

ME: "That doesn't do me any good." (Sidenote: I was drinking something called Ryan's Cream at the time of this conversation. Which really doesn't add much to the story other than alerting you all to the fact that there's a Bailey's-esque liquor called Ryan's Cream. Which apparently gives me balls of steel.)

AR: "Wait! I do know a guy. He's really funny. But he's (pregnant pause)... a redhead..."

ME: "So what?! I don't care about that."

AR: "... but he keeps his hair really short."

ME: "OK, AR. Well, I'm going to give you my card, and you tell your friend to call or email me if he wants."

AR: "Cool."

I mean, seriously. Who DOES this?!? I knew the guy for less than a commercial break and I'm already asking him to fix me up.

But guess what? The friend emailed me. And he's really effing funny.

So I guess the title of this post is true. It does never hurt to ask. (Even if you look like a friggin' loon in the process.)

Stay tuned!

Jumping back to move my love life forward

Remember when I said about a month ago that I was thinking about going to Jump Back Ball this year in the hopes of meeting the future Mr. Always a Bridesmaid?

(Assuming I haven't already met him and he's just playing coy. Or that he's purposely hiding from me.)

Anyhow, I know of at least two couples who met at Jump Back Ball over the past couple of years... one of whom actually just got engaged! So, I'll definitely be making my appearance at Jump Back Ball this year.

In fact, I'm going to be getting my tix early. On this Thursday, to be exact. At the ticket sales kick-off party at AJ Rocco's, when tix are the lowest price they'll ever be (which will obvs give me more money to put toward a pair of killer shoes).

So between now and the event in February, I need to find a cute dress, lose about a gazillion pounds, grow out my bangs (from that unfortunate haircut decision back in April) and figure out how to apply self-tanner without getting weird lines on my hands.

Oh, and maybe even find a boyfriend to go with me.

And if I don't have a boy to take to the ball, maybe I'll find one there. In which case I'll need to make sure those "killer shoes" are actually a pair of glass slippers.

Because this Cinderella is ready for her ball, peeps. And for her Prince Charming.

Send the boys my way (even tho I don't know what way that is)

As you may recall from last week, I was supposed to have two GNOs last weekend. Until I got a killer headache on Saturday and had a date with my couch that nite instead.

So I'm making up that GNO tonite with my friend Slim.

(Who, BTW, is like 5'agazillion", super fit, blonde and beautiful. You know. The kind of friend you really want to hate except you like her too much. My 5'2" ass feels like a troll when I go out with this chic.)

Anyhooo, I'm not sure where we're off to yet. As you know, it's YESvember, which means I am just getting bossed around and doing whatever I'm told.

(Which Slim said should really make it NODvember. As in, I just nod and do whatever she says. I like it.)

Have a great weekend, everyone! Please send all the cute eligible men to... well... wherever Slim and I end up! :)

It's all their fault

Of course, I'm talking about blogmom and blogdad.

And what's their fault, you ask? The fact that you're stuck with me.

Because 37 years ago today, they got hitched!! (And then they popped out three beautiful daughters. Even though I consistently remind them that they should have stopped after me.)

Anyhow, happy anniversary, guys! Love you!

I can only hope to make my children as sick as you two make sissies and me. (And you know I mean that in the nicest way possible, right? Because you're so effing cute.) Here's hoping it doesn't take another 37 years of you being married for me to find MY perfect partner!

(Because, really, I'd be 70 by that point. And I'm pretty sure blogdad would have to walk me down the aisle in a wheelchair by that point.)

Looking for Sexy Singles!!

And this time, it's not for myself.

Cleveland Magazine is looking for hotties for its annual Sexy Singles issue in February. Are you a hot single? Or do you know someone who is?

Nominate them here. (And hurry! Nominations are due Friday.)

As long-time readers already know, I was featured as a sexy single back before this blog even existed. And while I obviously didn't meet the future Mr. Always a Bridesmaid (sigh), it was fun to be included in the issue (especially since the photog totally rocked it and somehow made me look tan and relatively skinny in the dead of winter).

Had I been writing the blog back then, you would have heard all about some of these doozies:

• the guy from high school who sent me flowers to ask me out to dinner


• another guy from high school who very awkwardly called to ask me out (completely catching me off guard at work), then realized how awkward the conversation was and called back (at 8pm, when he knew I'd be gone from the office) and left not one, but TWO, rambling messages to apologize for asking me out so abruptly in the first call (I mean, even this cold-hearted bitch felt badly for him... for a hot minute, at least)


• The Murse 2 (I should have learned my lesson with the original Murse, right?)

OK, so maybe those weren't the best examples for you likely candidates out there. But at least I got some dates out of it, right?

(Along with a framed pic of the issue from blogmom and blogdad that would be totes weird for me to hang in my own condo.)

Anyhow, I would LOVE to know if you nominate someone (including yourself!). Who do you have in mind? Be sure to leave a comment. I am sooooo curious!

P.S. If you're nominating a funny, cute, not-a-jackass guy in his late 20s or 30s, I have three words for you: WHAT THE HELL? Why haven't you introduced me to him yet? You bastard.

P.P.S. DIBS!!! There. That's just in case anyone fitting the above description shows up in this year's issue.

A Google giggle

I always think it's funny when bloggers post the Google search terms that refer people to their blogs. So I thought you would all appreciate this little gem I just discovered:

I slept with jocks and married a nice guy

Ummm... yeah. I mean, I am obviously no expert in either of those areas. Now I could understand if any of the following searches directed people here:

• unhealthy obsessions with Matt Lauer


• my friends think my boyfriend might be gay


• dating stories that would make for good Lifetime movies


• if one more g.d. person asks me why I'm still single I'm going to rip their eyelashes out


• are my cats ruining my love life


• I want to read the most hilarious blog ever created

Okay, maybe not that last one. But you catch my drift...

I'm a yes (wo)man

Where will YESvember take me? The truthful answer is, I have no idea.

What I mean is that I've decided (as did those of you who voted "go east!" in the poll) that I probably frequent the same places too often. I'm like an old dog. Except I don't hump people's legs.

(Ahem.)

Anywhoooo... for the month of YESvember, whenever I have plans with someone, I am going to make THEM decide where we're going.

(It's killing me a little bit inside every time I give up that control.)

I've already got two GNO outings planned for this weekend, so I will be very interested to see where the nite(s) take me (and my cute, fun, single girlfriends!).

Do you have suggestions for where we should go? Make sure to comment on this post, since my partners in crime read the blog and just might take you up on your ideas!

Taking the advice of blogmom...

... and not going to say much of anything about my visit with Mr. X this weekend.

(See? Even at 33 years old, I sometimes do still listen to my parents.)

So I'll just leave you with this:

Welcome to YESvember, peeps!