The Cougar Claw

So I've got this necklace that I bought last year at Francesca's that I lovingly refer to as my Cougar Claw. It seems like any time I go out and am wearing this thing, the young boys flock to me. Behold it in its splendor:



Now, I don't even really like this necklace that much anymore. But at this point, it's become such a running joke in my office that I like to throw it on every now and then simply to entertain everyone. It's always good for a laugh.

(Until people started asking me if I carry coke in it like Sarah Michelle Gellar did in Cruel Intentions. But I digress.)

Anyhow, today I was wearing The Claw, and not one, but TWO, people commented on what a good mood I've been in lately.

(I believe the exact term was "disturbingly nice." How's THAT for a back-handed compliment?!?)

Anyhow, the joke then became that I was in a good mood because of The Claw, though my co-workers disagreed on why:

1. one thought that perhaps I was, indeed, simply totally coked out (and, hence, happily dealing with the major stress I've been under at work lately in a full-out drug coma) BUT

2. the other thought that maybe I've capitalized on the "cougar" part of the Cougar Claw, and that I was perhaps getting some action from a younger male companion

I laughed heartily at both suggestions. For one, I have never done a drug in my life. (Other than alcohol. Which, as you know, is banned for me right now.) And for another, I am nowhere NEAR getting action of the sweet love variety.

In fact, I announced to both of them that if and when I actually DO start getting some sweet love from a boy, I will take out an ad in the Plain Dealer because it will be such big news.

Which brings me to this: If you were to write an ad (or even a headline for an ad) for me to announce the end of my dating drought, what would it say?

(Keep it relatively clean, kids. Blogmom and blogdad are reading.)