One of my fave parts about having this blog is getting emails from you guys about things you've tried in the dating world or ideas you have to jump charge my love life.
(I could, however, do without feeling like a complete techie a-hole when I can't get a video to upload or figure out line spacing.)
Anyhow, today's entry is actually an email I got from a reader about a totally ballsy move she recently tried. (Don't worry -- she said I could publish it.)
So, without further ado, take a gander at how the move Piper made was as smooth as Colombian coffee...
*****
Okay, so here was the set up...
I was at a Starbucks with a friend, and we were both studying. This cute guy walked in, and I made eye contact with him a couple times from way across the Starbucks. He ended up sitting at a table close to my friend and I. The next two hours were pretty boring. We did our work, he had his nose in his computer. I actually left to meet someone else and go do something, and kicked myself for not saying anything.
An hour later I was finished with friend 2 and went back the coffee shop where Friend 1 was still sitting, and so was this guy. At that point he was on the phone and speaking in German of all things.
I pretended to do work for another half hour, while really G-chatting with Friend 1 about how I could go about making an intro. (AAB sidenote: ha ha ha! I love this! Girls totally do this all the time, whether they admit it or not.) Other people online advised me to just say "hi" and introduce myself, and see what happened.
I was really close to chickening out, and then he was packing up to go. We made eye contact a few times as he was packing up, and so I went over and said, "Hi, my name is Piper. I just wanted to come over and introduce myself." He said his name was P and did I want to sit down. So I did.
And we talked about what we each do, and I asked where he's from (Germany), and after a couple minutes felt like everyone in the Starbucks (or at least the immediate vicinity) was staring at me slack-jawed so I wrapped it up.
Now. He did not actually ASK for my phone number. But I offered it, and he took it. I said to call me sometime, if he was interested in grabbing a drink or something. And I went to sit back down, sweating profusely (thank goodness it was chilly and a sweater was appropriate), and he left.
He hasn't called, not that I'm *really* expecting him to. :)
It was intense. I would not recommend doing this without having some semblance of a plan. Because there's that awkward pause for a second where you don't know what to say beyond "Hi, my name is..."
But, on the upside, several people in the vicinity who witnessed the whole throw down afterwards were like "That was awesome. I always want to do that, but never do! Way to go!"
I think it was definitely cool to show myself that I CAN do it. And maybe some day it'll even work :) Although I love Craigslist "Missed Connections" I hope to never be the subject of one, b/c I'll have the cajones to DO something about it, instead of pining in silence.
You should totally try it!
*****
And, I'm happy to report... I got a follow-up email from Piper a couple of days later saying that the German called her! And they are going out this coming weekend! FUN!
I have to admit... I'm not sure I'd have the balls to try this. I mean, I am FAR from shy, but I just figure with my luck... the guy's wife or GF would come strolling out of the bathroom as I was standing there hitting on him.
What ideas do you have for how/where to meet guys?
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23 comments:
So this story is not nearly as ballsy, but baby steps for me...baby steps. I put your biz card trick into effect.
On Friday I was enjoying sushi and a bottle of wine at SR on the east side with a good girlfriend. Our waiter was attractive, and she told me that he was totally smiling at me the whole time, talking only to me, and looking at me. So she told me to leave my number on a napkin for him. After much debate, I left my business card, circled my cell number and said "call me". I rushed out of there and felt all nervous!
I never heard from him...but hey...it was kinda fun to do! I at least feel like I'm putting myself out there more.
OK...sorrrry for the super long commnet!
Bird - wow, good for you! You never know... maybe he has a girlfriend and was flattered nonetheless... or, maybe he has a boyfriend (which would totally be MY luck!).
good move, Piper. German guys are weird about dating from my experience knowing them...i wouldnt sweat it no matter what happens.
I like when women approach guys but think they should let him take care of the rest from there; asking for #, calling, etc. it's good checks and balances. A lot of guys will take advantage of a woman being more interested in him than vice-versa. I think that's the essence of the business card move and why guys shouldn't do it (unless they want to send the message they accept/are looking for speculative tail)
short enough for youz guyz?
A few years ago there was a VERY hot DJ at this bar I loved to go to in Coventry. At the end of one night, I wrote my number and my name followed by the line "the girl who always requests Jesse's Girl" on a napkin, walked up to the DJ booth, handed it over and walked out of the bar.
He actually called! We hung out once, but he was still in college and he jokingly called me "granny" so it never went further than that!
But it was a lot of fun to be that ballsy!
German guys are weird? Well, this one seemed nice enough. Glad to see that other people have done similarly terrifying things!
Oh, and if I had a business card, I would totally use that move... Probably too often. Maybe it's good that I don't :)
MG - so you've dated German guys, have you?
Smash - how fun! P.S. I love Jesse's Girl too. :)
Piper - I thought that was a weird comment from MG re: the German too. Regardless, I am excited for your date. Can't wait to hear how it goes!
Way to go, Piper!! Seriously...I have trouble doing that when I'm consuming alcohol...I think coffee would just increase the nervous factor for me! Hope things go well on the date...that's really awesome!
I'm married to a man who is 100% German, and he's not "weird". If anything, I would call him "wonderful". I know AAB can attest to that ;)
Way to go Piper! Can't wait to hear how your date goes!
chill
oh geeze chill out...and no, i havent dated German guys i've been friends with them and they are "weird" about dating, from my typically american perspective. and it's not JUST "germans are weird about dating" it's any culture thats different than your own can seem weird about dating, due to cultural norms. I said germans are weird because german was the specific country mentioned re: the story...
and when i say weird i simply mean to say that despite our seemingly similar cultures, i've found as a fellow guy that Germans operate under different rules than most americans and certainly mediteranean types regardless of national origin. Similarly, i have had female friends say their german (born and raised german, not ameri-german circa 1800) boyfriends didn't respond to cues the same as americans or other nationalities they'd dated. Obviously cultures vary in terms of "norms"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirting
"While some of the subconscious signs are universal across cultures, flirting etiquette varies significantly across cultures which can lead to misunderstandings. There are differences in how closely people should stand (proxemics), how long to hold eye contact, and so forth.[1]"
So it may have seemed foreign to him that he was not in the position of pursuing you and was intimidated, not sure what to do, etc. Conversely, when i was in Azerbaiajn, a quasi Muslim society, I was dumbfounded to hear that while I know i didn't flirt with my tutor for my standard of flirting and didn't feel she ever flirted back, i found out that it was perceived that i had, she liked it and flirted back subtetly (right over my head of course cuz i wasnt into it) and it was considered inapropriate for both us...i was just being friendly...c'est la vie in cultural exchange. I could go on with other nationalities...
my apologies for using a wrong word, I guess.
Finally, read this:
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1704684,00.html
Sorry my response is so long, i guess it warranted explanation... i'd have thought that people with dating experience would have already put 2 and 2 together on this.
MG - FYI, I think the word "weird" sorta made it seem like you were taking the wind out of Piper's sails before she even went on the date. That's all. Obvi not what you meant, based on your most recent comment.
no, i was trying to help her achieve a greater indifference/non-chalance about the situation (which is an attractive quality, because men hate it and are thus driven to compete/perform/impress) by saying that if he didn't call-which we now know he did- that she shouldn't worry about it due to cultural differences re: the situation.
Hmmm...so somehow Piper's excellent story turned into a deep dive into German men? OUT-standing.
-The Pirate
I think that's what the story was about all along Pirate. Did you read it?
Ha. My girlfriends and I just had this experience at a Tribe game. My best friend saw a guy in the next section that she liked the looks of, turned to us girls and said, "How do you just approach a guy at a baseball game?" We all agreed we wanted to find out, so egged her on to "just do it".
Props to her, because she absolutely did. After a lot of discussion as to whether we saw rings, or whether the two guys were possibly together, of course. A foul ball went close to the guys and she nonchalantly meandered over to them. (They were sitting on an aisle.) Apparently she opened with some chit-chat about "Why didn't you guys catch that foul ball? The next one's mine!" And next thing we know (because of course we are all staring unabashedly), she's sitting down in the open seat in front of them.
Now, sadly, the story does not end well. After a few more minutes, it started looking awkward. I could tell that she needed reinforcements, so I headed over. The timing was such that when I got there was when the inning ended, and as it was late in the game, a lot of people started exiting, including these guys. So nothing panned out.
But I have to say, it was nerve-wracking for me to go back her up, and I had nothing on the line. So totally ballsy move on her part. And, as I like to think of it - "good practice".
And evidence that indeed, girls totally sit around and discuss how to do the approaching.
ginafitz - whoa. Those are some (base)balls of steel on your friend. Awesome.
i like this baseball game story and think there's an important note to take away from it per approaching a guy:
approaching a guy on occasion is great and we love it (if we're interested). An intelligent guy doesn't think that means he's "in" and can abuse the opportunity, he sees it as good footing only and still needs to respectable. You can quickly write off any dumbasses if they sandbag you just cuz you appraoched them.
However, the dynamic despite your approaching them should quickly change (like flipping a swtich and yes, it happens that quickly "she's into me? she must be into me, she came up to me. Ok, I'm on it"- internal monologue) and we should intelligently turn it around on you so we're now pursuing you. Many guys won't rudely tell a woman they'd rather not talk- because we dont want to hurt your feelings- so if you don't feel pursued within a minute, abort the mission. There's NEVER a need for women to bring back-up. Believe me, we DON"T want your friends or our dumbass friends interrupting a good moment (and they do/will); we only bring our own back-up for your sake usually, because YOU travel in packs, not vice-versa.
Yeah, I totally get that there are cultural differences to be had.... which is actually why I offered my phone number. I didn't know if he'd realize that was his cue to ask for it. :)
I'll let you guys know how it goes tomorrow! Maybe this will turn into my very own SOS... One can only hope a first/blind date goes that well!
Wow! I love all of these stories and will have to try some of them.
HOWEVER
No offense MG, but if you have so much to say about dating why dont you start your own blog?
I feel bad for 27 Dresses taht you seem to be trying to take over her blog. I'm surprised she even publishes all of them.
I don't mean that you shouldn't comment but there's no reason to comment several times on every single post.
I spoke with AAB privately about it and if she wants to not let me comment, i'll stop.
But as to why don't I start my own blog? 1. I guess i'm not willing to spend the time trying to do so and cultivate an audience- this could be laziness and thus i suck, or it could be feasible.
From what I've seen on here, the audience is a few married fellows of AAB who know her more personally, a few guys who may or may not know AAB personally and i guess don't care to share the guy perspective on the subject at hand (which I'd think as a friend they'd do but I guess don't) and mostly single women who seem to want to meet the right guy. So, my comments are basically just an objective single guy's view on the story/topic. Am i not making that clear? does it seem like it's all about me? Because honestly, it really isn't about me, it's about giving them a guy's perspective, which is pretty crucial unless you want to date a rubber doll as we have our own opinions and agendas and both parties need to be happy for a relationship to work or even start. I see logistical "errors" in these stories and try to be helpful/supportive.
Finally, i'd wonder if anyone from here or anywhere would read my blog if i started one...fact is most of what i'm saying is smart but doesnt want to be heard-did you see that show on Vh1, Tough Love? yeah like that- you want to meet a guy and tell these stories and wonder why things do and do not work in your favour but don't want to hear a guy say why? So yeah, I'm admittedly forcing my opinion into the situation because it's passively being asked for and no one would seek it out. C'est La Vie.
But you're right, it may not be cool to do this on her blog...personally, from others blogs i know people frequent, they like the interaction; it's not about fame or attention, it's an exhange of information/dialogue, people helping one another...maybe I'm wrong though.
but i can say per my last comment, SOMEONE needed to say that if the commenter needed to go back her friend up it was a failed mission long before that, so anyone who reads the comment, gets that little nugget of information (and it's true! remember it!) I'm glad I could be helpful, even if it's not appreciated...typical.
Actually, you can erase my last comment and any other you'd like. I caved and decided to do my own:
http://curetoyoursickness.blogspot.com/
I guess I'll like comment that I had an opinion on it if anyone cared to go read elsewhere?
OMG!!!!!
Does he (MG) ever SHUT UP???
Maybe he should turn off vh1 and turn on his own life
MG - so you finally caved, huh? Have fun with your blog!
Anon - looks like MG now has an outlet to express his ideas about dating (see above for his new blog address).
To all: You'll be happy to know that the date was a success! He was fun, we had good conversation and a lot of wine, took a walk around the block so I could be sober enough to drive the half mile home, and have a tentative "yeah, let's do this again" "ok, well give me a call" for a follow up date. Downside? He's going back to Germany in July... And between now and then I will be studying for a pretty big exam so... we shall see. But I'd call it a success :)
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