FourStalked

I've been FourStalked. And have lived to tell the story.

Picture it: I'm out cocktailing with a gal pal earlier this week. I checked in to the restaurant we were at on FourSquare. Then we continued dishing about the boys in our lives, and I didn't think twice about it.

But then, he came through the door. My FourStalker.

(As it turns out, he was a guy with whom I'd chatted on Twitter, and he seems very harmless and nice. And older gent who's a little lonely, maybe. But harmless.)

Anyhow, he saw that I had checked in to a place across the street from where he was, so he came over to meet me in person.

Now, he knew who I was, but I had no idea who he was because he doesn't use his picture on his twitter or FourSquare profiles. But because he knew what I looked like, he sidled up right next to me (my back was to him), asked the bartender what I was drinking and bought me a glass of wine. And nothing for himself. (Or my friend!)

I thought it was really weird that he was buying me a drink and not himself. But then I heard, "Excuse me. AAB? I'm FourStalker. I just wanted to come meet you in person and say hello because I saw you were here and I was across the street."

(Now before you get all Dateline: The FourSquare Killer on me, I must reiterate that this guy was completely harmless. We'd chatted on twitter on a number of occasions. But, again, because he doesn't use a picture there, I had no idea who he was when he initially approached.)

So... on to the best part of the story. It'd be one thing if this older gent came in dressed and looking like George Clooney. (Or Matt Lauer.) I could get into that. But noooooooo. This guy was most definitely NOT cut from that same cloth. (Literally.) And I believe what he looked like is probably best described in pictures.

Behold.

A man who looked EERILY like Richard Dreyfuss:


Wearing a shirt that was half hunting gear, half Tommy Bahama (Note: I couldn't find a shirt that even slightly resembled the one he was actually wearing to share with you... which is probably a good thing, since now your eyes won't be bleeding for the rest of the day):
And who happened to be sporting one of THESE (except it was thinner and longer... *that's what she said*):


Wow. I've never been hit on by a guy with a rat tail before.

(And, God, I hope I never am again.)

Happy weekend, loves!

A Google giggle

I always think it's funny when bloggers post the Google search terms that refer people to their blogs. So I thought you would all appreciate this little gem I just discovered:

I slept with jocks and married a nice guy

Ummm... yeah. I mean, I am obviously no expert in either of those areas. Now I could understand if any of the following searches directed people here:

• unhealthy obsessions with Matt Lauer


• my friends think my boyfriend might be gay


• dating stories that would make for good Lifetime movies


• if one more g.d. person asks me why I'm still single I'm going to rip their eyelashes out


• are my cats ruining my love life


• I want to read the most hilarious blog ever created

Okay, maybe not that last one. But you catch my drift...

'09 ResLOVElutions

Happy snowed-in weekend, Cleveland! (Unless you're reading this from somewhere warm and sunny, in which case... well... I'm jealous.)

A friend forwarded me this article from the Today show's website (perhaps as a result of my documented crush on Matt Lauer).

Anyhow, the article outlines 10 Dating Decisions to Find Love in '09. Let's take a gander at what is suggested (followed by my commentary in pink):

1. I will be open to the possibility of changing my expectations in order to embrace a serious relationship. Fair enough. But funny is non-negotiable. And he has to open doors too.


2. I am willing to take stock of my previous patterns and approach dating in a new and healthier way. Is it considered a "previous pattern" to date guys who everyone thinks might be gay? Does that mean I have to hang out at biker bars?


3. I am aware that some of the things I've been looking for have been influenced by baggage from my childhood and previous relationships, and I'm willing to leave that baggage in '08. I disagree with this one. I think you learn something from every relationship you're in (whether romantic or otherwise), and that helps you make better decisions in the future. So, I am going to hold onto all of those childhood and previous relationship memories. (Well... maybe not that memory of peeing my pants in third grade...)


4. I believe there is more than one "ideal mate" per person, and a good partner is not defined by a list of achievements and traits, but by being willing and able to commit to making the relationship work. OK, I'll buy this one. I mean, I have more than one "ideal friend" out there. Why not assume that would hold true in the love department too?


5. I will not project who I am and what I want in ways that are at odds with my true desires based on fulfilling some inauthentic ideal of what a "perfect partner" is supposed to be like. True dat. I would never change for a boy. Plus, I am the "perfect partner." So they should change for me. ;) Jaaaay kaaaay. (About the changing part. Not the me being perfect part.)


6. I will not be unduly influenced by the opinions of friends and family when it comes to knowing who and what I want in a potential mate. They didn't say anything about being influenced by blog readers!


7. I will not regard myself as incomplete when I'm not in a relationship. I'd have been incomplete for a long time now if I believed this one.


8. I will not settle for someone who does not make me happy out of fear of being alone/single. Never would. Which apparently makes me "too picky." Whatevs.


9. I will make an ongoing effort to consider whether a person might be right before disqualifying them based on initial decisions or snap judgments. Damn. I love judging boys. And just FYI... my first impressions are almost always accurate. But OK. I'll try.


10. I will explore new avenues and expand my social horizons to meet new people. As long as this doesn't mean I have to join a chess club.

I don't know about you, but I'm not all that inspired after reading these resolutions. I don't like how so many of them start with "I will not..." That's not putting out very positive vibes, is it?

What love resolutions would you suggest? (Don't be gross. Blogmom and blogdad read this.)

P.S. Happy birthday, blogmom!

Project Husband

Anyone who's been reading 27 Dresses for a while now knows about my documented crush on Matt Lauer. Which means I obviously watch the Today Show.

And I felt slightly less pathetic about my own romantic life after watching a segment last week about a woman who's launched something called Project Husband 2011.

Essentially, she has set a wedding date (February of next year) and has begun making all of the arrangements for her pending nuptials. The only catch?

She doesn't have a groom. (Read more about it here.)

Now, I'm all about ladies being proactive with their dating lives and going after what they want. But planning a wedding before you even have a GROOM? That tells me you're either totally desperate or totally looking for publicity. Or both.

(In which case, this little public relations ploy would probably make even the likes of PR-hungry Kate Gosselin jealous, no?)

What do you think? Is Project Husband pathetic or proactive?

Finding a mate(y)

Was I the only person surprised to learn that pirates still exist? WTF? It's 2009, right? I mean, I remember learning about them back in 5th grade social studies class, but I never expected to hear Matt Lauer (my love) break news about a ship being taken over by pirates in the 21st century.

(BTW, thank goodness that captain is OK now. How horrific. Aaaarggh.)

Anyhow, this recent news story got me thinking: who would be the best pirate boyfriend? (And, no, I'm not talking about anything regarding an angry pirate, you sickos.)

Here are the contenders:

• ORLANDO BLOOM -- cute. 'nuff said. (I don't even mind the long scruffy hair.)


• JOHNNY DEPP -- cute. 'nuff said. (Plus, you could always borrow his eyeliner if you ran out.)


• LONG JOHN SILVER -- fried food. 'nuff said. (Though I'm not sure the technical pirate version is also tied to the fast food chain. But a girl can dream, can't she?)


• JOSH DUHAMEL -- ok, so he's never technically played a pirate in any movies or TV shows. But he's so yummy, can't you forgive that one little issue?

What say you? Which one of these guys would you walk the plank for?

P.S. Raise your hand (errrr... comment) if you read the "Aaaarggh" above in your head like a pirate.

Too good to be true?!?

Dear Matt:

I'm here for you, babe. Call me.

xoxo -
AAB

P.S. if you're new here, I'm not a fame whore. I have had a long-standing crush on Mr. Lauer. Or, as he shall now be known, Mr. Future Always a Bridesmaid.