Monday, February 8, 2010

The cult of personality

I had a (blind) date a couple of weeks ago, and I've come to the conclusion that there's probably not going to be a second date.

(So no worries about karma coming back to bite me on this one.)

Why no second date? Because... well, I can pick up on lack of interest when it's staring me right in the face.

This, of course, then leads to the inevitable self-doubting, then the inevitable self-assurances that it's not you, it's him, blah blah blah.

But, in this case, I think it was me. Or, more specifically, my personality.

And I'm okay with that.

Here's the gist: The guy I went out with was pretty quiet/shy. And I just don't think he was into my in-your-face/talk-to-anyone personality.

That's not to say that there's anything wrong with being quiet/shy OR loud/outgoing. It's just to point out that not *everyone* is always going to mesh with your personality style, and that's perfectly okay.

The sad part is that I came to this realization over the weekend after watching an episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker in which this very cute -- and very shy -- millionaire went on a date with a girl who was very outgoing, beautiful, had her shit together, etc. (I was actually watching thinking, "I would soooo be friends with this girl!") But he didn't ask her out for a second date. And it was pretty clear it was because her personality was just a little too much for him.

I felt like I was watching an episode of my own life right there on Bravo.

(Except, you know... blogmom doesn't have creepy scary bangs like Patti Stanger.)

So, it didn't work out. At least I gave it a shot. But I'm not going to change who I am. I'm loud. I'm outgoing. I was once described as "effervescent." And I realize that may be too much for someone who is more mild-mannered, reserved and quiet.

But that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with me. Or that there's anything wrong with him.

It just means that there wasn't something right about "us."

P.S. Happy S.A.D. Week!


heisschic said...

ok seriously- how would you describe your type?

im starting to seriously consider setting you up (and by that i basically just mean harassing you in hopes that you'd agree) with a friend of mine.

there's nothing lacking in the personality dept with that one. promises.

Allison M. said...

"Lick her - I hardly know her!"

Did you share that little gem with the quiet-mouse-like man? I used it with a friend and she just stared at me, confused by what I just said. I laughed, and that's all that matters.

Mrs. Lopez said...

Sorry your date didnt go so well. I love Millionaire Matchmaker!!!!!

Mrs. Lopez said...

I forgot to mention that I am the loud and outgoing one in my relationship and I think its nice for two people to not have the same personality. I think it balances us out.

Always a Bridesmaid said...

heisschic -- I just wrote a long comment and it got deleted! UGH! So, email me:

Allison -- I did not try out that joke on him. I think he would have turned seven shades of red.

Heather -- totally agree that you don't have to be clones... but you do at least have to understand and appreciate the other person's personality. :)

alexa @clevelandsaplum said...

slow clap!

i'm so glad you wrote this, the ending is perfect cause it's TRUE. there's nothing wrong with you, and nothing wrong with him it's just not a good match.

on to the next one!

ginafitz said...

i know who your date was, and trust me - it's him. not in a bad way, just that he really is conservative and quiet. a super nice guy, but every time i hang out with him, i run out of conversation after about two minutes.

wish i could have such a mature chill outlook about my last failed guy though. i will learn from your example.

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Alexa -- the frightening part is that I'm actually imagining you doing the slow clap. ha ha ha.

gina -- how do you know who this guy was? Freaky! Regardless, your description of him is spot on. Except I did't run out of anything to say (since I never do). LOL.

ginafitz said...

not freaky - i'm just friends with the middleman.

AS said...

Do you ever wonder if, perhaps, running this blog ruins your dating chances? After all, if you were taken, there wouldn't be 27 Dresses. Hmm.