Monday, May 24, 2010

Three strikes

You may have surmised from a poll I posted last week that there's been a boy who's been playing hardball with me.

Well, I've got news for him... it's three strikes and you're out!

I met Big Red several weeks ago while out with a friend, and we talked for a couple of hours. He asked for my number, I asked if he was going to be one of those guys who gets my number then never calls, he promised he would most definitely NOT be one of those guys, I gave him my number, he never called. *surprise face*

(Sidenote: This guy was so totally *not* my typical type. Beard. Tats. Burly. But I decided to be open to dating someone who didn't fit my typical guy profile -- since THAT'S been working out so well for me, right? He went on and on about how pretty I was, that I seemed smarter than most of the girls he's met, blah blah blahbitty blah. So how could I NOT give him a chance? ha!)

A couple of weeks later, I was out again and guess who walked into the bar? Of course. Big Red. I didn't see him at first, but my friends asked me why there was a guy staring at me. I turned around and saw Big Red looking my way. I immediately walked over and thanked him for not calling (in my best "I'm busting your balls in a cute way, but you better never do that again" manner), to which he apologized profusely.

STRIKE ONE. But I was still open to giving him another shot.

On my way home from that second encounter, he texted and asked when he could take me out. I responded by politely telling him that he wasn't getting off the hook that easily for not calling the first time, and that he should call me that week (not text) to set something up. He agreed.

The following weekend, I got a text from him asking if I was going to be out that nite. (If you're following along closely, you'll note that he neither called nor reached out during the week as he agreed to.) I said yes, told him where we'd likely be, and said to get in touch with me later so we could meet up. Around 12:30, I realized he hadn't texted. So I texted him, calling him out for not following through AGAIN.

(Listen, peeps. I realize that I sound totes bitchy right about now, but c'mon. If you already know you have some making-up to do, don't flake out TWICE.)

He responded and said that his friends had ditched him to go to a bar he didn't want any part of, so he just went home. (Ummm... couldn't he have called me when his friends ditched him so we could meet up? Whatevs.)

STRIKE TWO. But, again, I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, so I didn't write him off completely.

The next weekend, he texted to say he was in Tremont (as was I), and wondered if we could meet up. So we did. We had fun, it was a good conversation, I still found something about him intriguing... but I also felt like he might still be a bit of a flake. Regardless, we set up a date for the following Thursday.

That was on a Saturday nite. No contact Sunday. No contact Monday. No contact Tuesday. No contact Wednesday. (At this point, I would have even welcomed a simple TEXT over a call. Throw me something here, Big Red. Geez.)

At this point, I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with him. (And also why I didn't join a convent several years ago.)

He FINALLY texted late Thursday afternoon -- just a couple of hours before our supposed date -- to see if I still wanted to get together.

Seriously?!? C'mon. I had been giving him the benefit of the doubt to this point, but what. the. hell. dude.


(In case you're wondering, I told him that since I hadn't heard from him, I'd made other plans. Which I really hadn't, but at that point I was so pissed I knew we'd both be better off if we didn't go.)

Sooooo... there you have it. The story behind last week's poll question.

What do you think? Am I being too hard on this guy, or does he deserve it? Should he get one more at-bat?


Mel said...

He didn't deserve getting past STRIKE ONE. I'm impressed you gave him the benefit of the doubt for THREE strikes (guess that makes me even BITCHIER!) :)

Eh-eh. My time is too valuable wasted on a flake. In my dating experience, I've realized you learn a lot from that FIRST mistake (read: habit).

Jane Doe said...

I'm curious about his response when you told him you'd made other plans.

alexa @clevelandsaplum said...

ok, hmm. he did text on thursday as promised still wanting to get together thought right?! maybe he doesn't like texting? calling?

meh, yeah who am i kidding here, big red needed the boot.

he did give a hell of a good hug though. hahaha.

BV said...

No, no, no, no! Men are too lazy these days. Just follow through! He so needs to get the boot.

MG said...

On one hand i'd say plans are plans and you technically were the one to break them, which sucks*... BUT seriously (cuz I’m pretty much kidding above) with this being a 2nd date and third over-all seeing each other, You’re being totally reasonable because between these encounters there should have been a ramp-up of communication as time went by, not just talking only when you have plans, that’s no relationship or way to start one. SO, you're very correct in feeling less than engaged or dealing with someone who isn't showing you enough interest to get more of your time and saying "why bother?"

Good work. I’d go so far as to say it woulda been pretty bad-ass to text this guy on Tuesday or Wednesday and cancel on him and tell him it’s because he’s a flake, something like “I don’t think I’m going to waste my time going out with you on Thursday.”

Power negotiators call that the “take-away” and it can work really well as most scramble to please whomever pulls that move out, or, you confirm they don’t care that much. You may have seen a different side of him with that.

btw, as a guy 'm also seriously wondering if this guy's "game" is being kinda mysterious and hard to read and thus intriguing to women and his issue here is really more not knowing when to drop it/scale it down and transition into being someone who another can realistically see dating. Going along with that, if that were his game, it’s reasonable to conclude that when the fa├žade dropped he’d either be boring or like a deluge of emotions that you may or may not have been cool with.

Me personally, as soon as I saw you talked for more than 15 minutes and then he didn’t call I was confused. I can’t possibly find a way/care to keep a conversation going with a stranger for more than that without it being a given I’m going to call provided she’s willing to give me her # (because if I weren’t going to call, I’d prolly have walked with-in 2 minutes of meeting and keep my hassles to a minimum).

*a friend of mine did this same thing, made plans with a girl and then didnt talk to her for 4 days on the principle that plans are plans and you have to keep your word. Naturally, she didn't respond to his day-of "are we still on?" and he raged because he's anal-retentive about principle and i can be too, so i understood it, though i'd never handle things that way to being with.

Anonymous said...

As Mel said, I'm surprised you gave him the 2nd and 3rd strike. I think I would have been done after the first one. :)

CLEgal said...

I tend to do the same thing you did here...let 'em keep coming back and accumulating more strikes. After all, anyone can have an off day, right? However, I've found that if they're the type to get Strike One, then Strikes Two and Three can't be far behind. You absolutely did the right thing!

Oh, and I love the "ball busting in a cute way." I totally do that least, I hope it's cute!

Anonymous said...

nope. he's out!

Suzanne said...

Heck no! Three strikes and he is out.
And since this is dating and not baseball, I think you were more than fair to give him three strikes.

Allison M. said...

seriously, i would've called it at strike one and told him when I saw him at the bar.

PomJob said...

You deserve effort. He's not making any. He doesn't deserve you.

Anonymous said...

Ummmm...this guy's married.

BelleinBows said...

Strike out! I give you props for giving him more than 1 strike. He may be a nice guy, but he's lazy! Your better off...

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Wow, guys. Thanks for making me feel less guilty! :)

hermosamusica said...

No, he's out! You aren't being harsh at all.

seanski said...

I gave big red the boot from the very beginning. Gingers bite.

Anonymous said...

What a jerk. Don't even waste your time girl! You're way above that!