Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The talk of shame

As I continue to navigate this crazy world we call dating, I have discovered that I don't know how to do something that most of my single friends do on a regular basis: sexting.

I can bat my eyelashes with the best of 'em.

Or flip my hair and purse my lips.

I'll even initiate unnecessary physical contact by, say, grabbing a date's arm as I'm listening intently to him talk about his glory days of playing high school sports.

(Newsflash, guys: that was almost 20 years ago.)

But ask me to start getting flirty via text message and I'm about as awkward as a viewing of that Motherlover video in the Cavs locker room.

I'm a 34-year-old woman who doesn't know how to do what most 15-year-old girls do.

If he asks, "What are you wearing?," I'd probably say, "Sweats and a t-shirt." If he says, "How do you like your meat?," I'd probably respond, "Medium rare with a baked potato."

See?!?! I. JUST. DON'T. GET. IT.

Is sexting proficiency really a necessity in the digital age of dating?

(If so, I'm screwed.)



Allison M. said...

well, if you get in with a pro athlete, make sure to save those sexts. Just look at what Tiger's female friends got out of it.

Lincoln said...

If if makes you feel any better I don't get it either (and reference my previously expressed hatred for the phemonena of texting in general).

But I'm also challenged by why so many of my gender are so obsessed with seeing the other sex nude. Maybe it's just because I've spent my share of time (professionally, casually, never romantically) with women who are stunningly attractive but complete airheads but I'd much rather save -that- for further down the relationship road and have /something/ left to the imagination.


ps. Match.com photo tip for the ladies: If every picture on your profile is of you in a bar and/or holding an alcoholic beverage, it sends the wrong message. Unless "I still go out drinking every night, and that's all I do" is the message

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Allison -- EXCELLENT tip. ha ha!

Lincoln -- I was actually referring more to words than pictures when I was talking about sexting. So I suppose if I can't even do the words, there's no WAY I'd do the pics. :)

Mrs. Lopez said...

Too funny! You just need a lesson in talking dirty! I try to sext to my husband but he doesnt get it most of the time either! LOL

Unknown said...

a girl I dated last summer and I would have cyber sex while both at work because we both used MSN FOR work (as well) and thus could chat with each other sans problems and it could actually appear to be work when chatting/cybering and we both worked longish hours. Those were good times. on one occasion, she did sext me from her blackberry and it came to my work email and so she was sexting and i was email cybering, to be accurate with the nomenclature. This was all after we'd started having real sex and otherwise I'd never sext myself and especially wouldnt do so as some sort of prelude to the real thing.

I cant imagine it being worth while to type text msgs with my thumbs about sex and keep that going. And barring work, if you can text, you can come over and we can have sex. in my life-long search for the underlying truth and gravity in a world of shallow facades, sexting would be just another cheap imitation that would bother me more than be fun. I'm kinesthetic in that regard and it has to be real or it's nothing at all.

and if it's before you've actually had sex, bush-league and lame.


alexa @clevelandsaplum said...

i was waiting for this blog post, fyi.

i think sexting is hot. but not all graphic like (censored for blogmom and blogdad) more so just very aggressive fliting ;)

Suburban Sweetheart said...

One of my friends from home is so into sexting - & it makes me uncomfortable. I just can't do it. WHAT COMES NEXT? What sounds sexy? Can we do it instead of just talking about it? Why are we talking about it if we'll never do it? Err....

Glad I'm not the only one.

Bite Buff said...

I agree with Alexa- it's hot. My bf and I started it when we were in a long-distance relationship, but I try to keep it up a little even though we live together now. It can build up some heat before you actually see each other in person! I wonder if you Google it that some "lessons" would pop up?

Anonymous said...

I find sexting rather humorous, therefore, I tend to send those that are extremely inappropriate and more for shock value. Guys like gals with a sense of humor right? If not, I'll just play it off like it was a joke.
Lame text from boy: I dont think you're ready for this jelly cause my body is bootyliciious.

My shocking reply: Why yes, I think I am. But only it if will fit inside my biscuit.

See? Hilarity, right?

Girl in Carolina said...

I don't get it either. I think I'm just too embarrassed. I like to do some fun flirting, but sexting is just too much for this conservative gal. :)