Thursday, May 6, 2010

Rev my engine

And here you have it... the long-awaited part 2 to Toyota Girl's guest blog post.

You knew there was a “but”, right?

But he is leaving soon. He is moving away from Cleveland, for school, for a fantastic career opportunity and to a life completely foreign to me. He told me up front that he didn’t want a long distance relationship since his last one crashed and burned after a long and drawn out death rattle. After that statement I didn’t ask again. My own life and career aspirations are marching on as well. I have big choices to make in the next year, and most likely a move to another part of the country. I could try to follow him, but ultimately our career paths would be almost impossibly incompatible. We could be happy and in the same place for 4 or 5 years, but after that it would be insane.


4 or 5 years?? I haven’t even been dating this guy for 4 or 5 weeks!

So you’d move to follow him?

Well, not unless I had a ring on my finger…

Who proposes after only a year of dating, especially when the majority of that has been long distance?…

And then what? What happens when he has to move every 2 or 3 years and you want to stay put? What then?…

And that’s pretty much how that conversation went in my mind every time. So I tried to stop having it.

Last night we had The Talk. I needed to. I wanted to. I had to hear him say the words, so I could just KNOW. He is graduating in 3 weeks, and I needed to prepare for what was happening after that.

I asked him when he was moving. “The week of graduation”.

“And… this… thing? With us?” I asked, gesturing at the space between our knees on the couch.
He smiled. And told me what he’d said the first week. That long distance was not something he wanted to do right now, that he loved this time we’d had together, and wished things were different, that this was all an unexpected gift, but he didn’t see how we could make it work. And I finally unloaded all the uncertainties I’d had about the logistics of it all, and how I wasn’t sure it could happen either. It felt good to get it out in the air. Neither of us knew how we could make it work. We both love what we do, and weren’t willing to sacrifice that right now.

We have 3 more weeks together. We have tickets for the orchestra this weekend! I’m going to take him to my favorite brunch place on Sunday morning. Maybe we’ll watch another kung fu movie.

By the way, break up sex is almost as good as, if not better than, make-up sex.

And, with that, I'm officially out of guest posts. Who's next?!? Email me your guest posts at

xoxo -

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