Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Why Being Single at the Holidays Doesn’t Totally Suck

  • There's no pressure to find that perfect gift for my special someone. In the past, I would spend weeks (sometimes months) searching for juuuuuust the right present for my BF, only to be disappointed with an effing gift card for a day spa or -- even worse -- the free wallet that came with the purse that he bought for his mother. (Actually happened.)

  • There's no need to worry about those extra lbs. I've already packed on from all the holiday goodies around my office, since my cats and relatives don't mind if I'm a little doughy right now (but a BF probably would).

  • I don't have to hear, "Sooooooo... do you think you'll be getting a little box under the tree this year?" from EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. I. KNOW.

  • There's no obligation to bust out horrific memories of holidays past. One year for Christmas, I got an effing Precious Moments necklace from The Mush Mouth. I lovingly referred to it as "The Medallion." It was a sterling silver heart -- yes, HEART -- with two little Precious Moments figures facing each other inside of it. It was literally the size of a hood ornament. And it was heinous. (In this case, I would have welcomed a gift card.) I felt obligated to pull it out each Christmas (though I never actually wore it), but after we broke up, I used to take it out with me to the bar and use it on my beer bottles like one of those little wine charms. Except it wasn't so little.

  • I can decide where I want to go, and when. I don't have to split holidays between families, or traipse around all over Northeast Ohio without sitting down in one place for more than a couple of hours. Which means I can plant my (now pleasantly plump) ass down at my parents' house and get hammered. I mean, "holiday toasty."

  • There's also no pressure to buy thoughtful presents for the BF's family. I mean, I don't think I could have found another bird broach for The Murse's grandma if I tried. I must have bought out the entire stock at Macy's every year.

  • And let's not talk about the pressure to fake liking the presents that you got from his family. I mean, who doesn't need a holiday sweatshirt -- complete with puffy paint -- to round out her wardrobe? (I wish I were kidding. Actual Christmas present. Though still not as bad as the free wallet.)

  • If you're only kinda sorta and/or newly dating someone (and not in a long-term relationship), there's also no pressure to have that awkward, "Are we exchanging gifts?" or "What's our spending limit?" conversation. Ugh. Those are so awwwww-kward!

  • I don't have to stress about how/if he fits into my family's gatherings. Let's be honest: blogfamily can be a bit overwhelming at times. Between blogdad telling dirty jokes, blogmom having minor meltdowns if something goes wrong in the kitchen, fights with sissies over board games and Brissy yelling, "Merry Jizzmas!!" every two seconds, it takes a special kinda guy to feel comfortable around the AAB clan.
Now don't get me wrong. There are down sides to being single too, which I'll explore in a future post. (I'm sure I'll want to hang myself after I write that one.)

But for now... what are your favorite reasons to be single at the holidays?

P.S. Thanks to all of you who suggested names for this month's dating adventures. (You sick bastards, you.) Please be sure to vote for your fave in the poll on the top left of the page!


Anonymous said...

Hi AAB! I recently discovered your blog, and I only just caught up after reading your entire archive.

Personally I hate many things about the holidays (blame my divorced parents, weird family, etc). I try to be a good sport and act festive enough to keep everyone happy, but when I leave a party I like to go home ALONE, drink some wine and wallow in Scrooge-like self pity until the next time I need to appear in public. The problem with having a (non grinch-like) significant other is that you must remain at your holiday cheeriest 24/7. Ugh.

Last year I had a lovely, drunk, and very single xmas. However this year I am happily dating Captain Christmas himself. We're actually hosting xmas eve, and then hitting up all three sets of parents the next day. I'm thinking of having a giant smile tattooed on my face. He's totally worth it, but it's going to be a loooong holiday.

I hope you find someone under the mistletoe this year! But if you don't, just have some wine and enjoy the solitude. It may be your last year to do so!


Amy Lizzy said...

My favorite? It's taking that extra money which would/could be for a BF and buying exactly what I want, from me!

Always a Bridesmaid said...

HG -- Captain Christmas?! Hysterical. And I can not believe you read my entire archive. That is insane! How pathetic does my dating life read? (Wait... don't answer that.)

Amy Lizzy -- excellent point! Hmmm... I'll have to get started on my list... for me... from me! :)

MG said...

That's the attitude! I dont know where this pressure to do stuff 100% correct for Xmas comes from anyway. it seems like more of a ladies thing and frankly i dont get it because my mom puts all this pressure on herself and she has a husband and two sons...we dont care, we just want to hang out and even still there's this (internal) pressure. Seems un-necessary...

I think one of the benefits of being an un-attached guy is that people don't really expect so much from you. You can blow into town (or your parent's house) out of nowhere and people are just happy you made time for it and came by/the time you spent together/didn't totally ruin it for any of the kids...

None of this stuff is mandatory, it's all just choices. Spend some time with your family (cuz inevtibably you'll want to),
but otherwise your time is your own, so do what you want with it.

Anonymous said...

Amy's got it. I take the money I would have spent on the SO, and either buy more for the kiddos or splurge on a massage and a mani/pedi and a GOOD bottle of wine!!

Another good thing about being single, is not having to endure holiday parties with HIS friends. Those obnoxious frat boys that never quite grew up!!!

Allison M. said...

the figuring out of travel kills me. (I still pick my family every year.!)

alexa @clevelandsaplum said...

precious moments? i would have broken up with him right there on the spot.