Behold, my list of things I wish I'd been prepared for as a 30-something single lady:
- CHIN HAIRS. What? Don't deny it, ladies. Once you turn 30, something mysteriously happens to your hormones, and every now and then a giant whisker pops out on your chin overnite. Mine tend to come at the same time my little monthly visitor arrives, and I swear to God my chin goes from "Justin Bieber smooth" to having one hair long and thick enough to put rasta beads on it. Let this be a warning to you ladies who haven't gone through this yet: travel with tweezers.
- SPANX. When you're younger, you're all cute and skinny and effing adorable and whatnot. (Bitches.) But once you hit 30 -- even if your weight doesn't change on the scale -- things start moving to places they shouldn't. Now don't get me wrong... I LOVE me some Spanx. (Or Assets, as the case may be.) They help make a 30-something-year old body look like a 20-something's. At least, they can help you fake it with clothes on. But what I DON'T love is the awkwardness that ensues when you start thinking ahead to the end of a date and wonder what the hell the cute guy you're out with is going to think if he discovers your Betty White undergarments when he goes to tickle your undercarriage. I may have a friend (ahem) who once or twice excused herself to go to the restroom, shimmied out of her Spanx, shoved them into her purse (or threw them out, if her clutch was too small) and came out to her date as though nothing had happened, just to avoid the embarrassment that might come if he discovered what had kept her looking svelte all nite. Oh, that silly "friend."
- CELLULITE. So tell me now... when exactly does cellulite go from being cute (a la the sweet chubby baby we all love to ogle) to gross (a la my ass these days)? Because it does, ladies. Oh, it does. And no matter what miracle cream you think you've discovered to get rid of that flab, it just doesn't work. The only solution I've found to this dating dilemma thus far is a blindfold. For him. (Or exercise. But, you know. That's hard work.)
(Or a relief to those of you who are already there and experiencing these same horrors!)
So tell me... if you're single and in (or near) your 30s, what dating dilemmas do you wish you knew about before they happened?