Dress drama

Remember when you all so awesomely weighed in on which dress I should wear to the upcoming wedding I'm going to this weekend?

Yeah, well... I ordered three of them (#1, #4 and #5)... they all arrived last Friday... I tried them on as soon as I got home... and, in all three, I looked like I was hailing from Heinoustown, USA. Population: ME.

So, they all went back to the store this weekend. Sad face. But never fear... I did find a flirty frock to wear while I was returning those dogs.

Man, I never thought I'd say this, but I sort of miss the days of being a bridesmaid when I was just TOLD what to wear. And now I wonder what the stress will be like if/when I'm ever the bride! YIKES!

How has your wedding-going season been so far?

A pick-up move so bold...

... even I wouldn't try it.

But my friend Magz did!

Picture it: A bunch of girls are out for a GNO. They spot a cute guy awkwardly waiting for someone (e.g., looking nervous, checking his phone, tapping his fingers on the table, etc.). About 35 minutes later, his companion arrived (a very cute -- in a "hot for teacher" kind of way -- girl), and they have a drink together.

Of course, we could not keep our eyes off of those very awkward first 20 minutes or so. It was like watching all those train wrecks at Cedar Point. (Except, this time, we were watching people who had full sets of teeth.)

Anyhow, after a while, the gent got up to go to the bathroom. My friend Magz (who was smitten since the young lad initially sat down) made a beeline for the bathrooms too. She "hung out" (read: stalked) him until he came out of the bathroom, approached him and said, "It looks like you're on a first date, and I can't tell how it's going, but if it doesn't work out, I'd love for you to call me." And, with that, she handed the boy her card and made her way to the ladies' room.

We, of course, watched this entire thing going down. Luckily, the guy's date couldn't see from where she was sitting. (Plus, she was fluffing her hair at the time anyhow.) But we could. And I swear to all things holy, the guy almost walked into the doorway as he was walking forward but looking back at Magz. And, he even skipped once during his jaunt back to his date. Sweartogod.

Fast forward about 20 minutes. I now had to go to the bathroom. (Don't get too excited -- no one tracked me down like Magz had tracked down her boy toy!) HOWEVS, as I was in the bathroom, the girl from the said date in question came in... which meant I had to hurry to get out and see what was happening out in the bar.

As I suspected, Magz was talking with the guy again when I came out.

So what did she say this time? Apparently she approached him as soon as the girl went to the bathroom, and found him looking at the business card she had given him. She asked him how things were going, and when he said "okay" (in a less than enthused way), she responded, "Well, what name should I expect when you call?"

And you know what? He told her his name just like that!

What remains to be seen is whether this character will ever actually call Magz. But I mean... is this just the most incredibly forward move you have ever heard? Picking up a guy while he is ON A DATE?

(And, just so you don't vilify Magz here... the "hot for teacher" girl was more than 30 minutes late... she was literally hanging off of her chair because she was sitting so far away from her date... we watched her open her own tab at one point... and it was, as Magz confirmed with the bachelor, only a first date.)

What do you think? Could you ever do something like that?

What to wear, what to wear...

Now that I'm more often a wedding guest than a bridesmaid, I have a bit of conundrum... what to wear!! When you're a bridesmaid, the biggest decision you need to make is what kind of bra to wear, or how you'll style your hair. When you're a guest... you need to figure out the whole kit and kaboodle!

That's where you come in. Help me narrow down which dresses I should try on/buy for the wedding I have coming up in a few weeks.

DRESS ONE: I really like the color of this Eliza J Rosette dress (I'm a fan of bright dresses at weddings... black is for funerals!), and the full skirt is perfect to camouflage my full ass right now.
DRESS TWO: And, just when I say I like bright dresses, this JS Boutique Pleated Shantung dress in steel strikes my fancy. (It does come in blue and purple too.) Bonus? It has POCKETS!!
DRESS THREE: Aaaaand, I'm back to color. This dark purple Maggy London Keyhole Chiffon dress is cute... though I feel like I have a couple of dresses that already look like this. But, I know this brand fits me (and my checkbook) well.
DRESS FOUR: Here's another Maggy London number, this time a Metallic Bubble dress. Something about this screams very 50's housewife to me... but it also looks way fun, no? Also? Yes, pockets. :)
DRESS FIVE: And, lastly, this Ted Baker Georgette & Stretch Cotton dress has caught my eye a number of times when I've been trolling for dresses over the past few weeks. It's purple. It's the right shape for my body. It has pockets. And it's currently on sale.
So what do you think? I may still keep looking, but at least you can help me narrow down my choices to this point. Comment away!!

P.S. If you're turbo and want to see more pics of each dress, they can all be found here.

Dirty 30's dating dilemmas

Besides the regular "How are you not married yet?" question we 30-something bachelorettes hear on a regular basis, there are other (far more frightening) dating dilemmas that face us.

Behold, my list of things I wish I'd been prepared for as a 30-something single lady:

• CHIN HAIRS. What? Don't deny it, ladies. Once you turn 30, something mysteriously happens to your hormones, and every now and then a giant whisker pops out on your chin overnite. Mine tend to come at the same time my little monthly visitor arrives, and I swear to God my chin goes from "Justin Bieber smooth" to having one hair long and thick enough to put rasta beads on it. Let this be a warning to you ladies who haven't gone through this yet: travel with tweezers.
  
• SPANX. When you're younger, you're all cute and skinny and effing adorable and whatnot. (Bitches.) But once you hit 30 -- even if your weight doesn't change on the scale -- things start moving to places they shouldn't. Now don't get me wrong... I LOVE me some Spanx. (Or Assets, as the case may be.) They help make a 30-something-year old body look like a 20-something's. At least, they can help you fake it with clothes on. But what I DON'T love is the awkwardness that ensues when you start thinking ahead to the end of a date and wonder what the hell the cute guy you're out with is going to think if he discovers your Betty White undergarments when he goes to tickle your undercarriage. I may have a friend (ahem) who once or twice excused herself to go to the restroom, shimmied out of her Spanx, shoved them into her purse (or threw them out, if her clutch was too small) and came out to her date as though nothing had happened, just to avoid the embarrassment that might come if he discovered what had kept her looking svelte all nite. Oh, that silly "friend."
  
• CELLULITE. So tell me now... when exactly does cellulite go from being cute (a la the sweet chubby baby we all love to ogle) to gross (a la my ass these days)? Because it does, ladies. Oh, it does. And no matter what miracle cream you think you've discovered to get rid of that flab, it just doesn't work. The only solution I've found to this dating dilemma thus far is a blindfold. For him. (Or exercise. But, you know. That's hard work.)
  

And I've got plenty more where that came from. Hmmm... maybe this whole "Dirty 30s dating dilemmas" should become a regular feature here at 27 Dresses. It can be my public service warning to those of you quickly approaching 30-something dating territory.

(Or a relief to those of you who are already there and experiencing these same horrors!)

So tell me... if you're single and in (or near) your 30s, what dating dilemmas do you wish you knew about before they happened?

Crazy in love

Aaaah, the things we do for love. I started thinking about the crazy things we do for love (both romantic and platonic) as I'm getting ready to head to West 6th this weekend for (you guessed it!) another friend's bachelorette party.

As you may know, I would rather naked swan dive off the Terminal Tower than go out with all the Jersey Shore-esque douchebags on West 6th Street. It's just not my scene anymore. But I obviously want to help my friend celebrate her final fling before the ring, and she wants to go dancing. So I will be there in full bachelorette party regalia (and pumped full of gin) for the evening's festivities.

But that got me thinking... what other crazy things have I done over the years against my better judgment, all in the name of love? Well, there was:

• The time I took The Murse to the rodeo for Valentine's Day and actually paid enough attention to semi-know what was going on (I'm fairly certain I was the only person there not wearing Wranglers and a plaid shirt)
• The time I helped The Divorcee pull weeds in his yard for approximately eight hours on a hot, humid Saturday whilst being eaten alive by some sort of crazy marsh bugs (though he did at least thank me with a gift certificate for a mani afterward)
• The times I went out in public with The Mush Mouth while he was wearing the following outfit (which was actually more like his uniform): inside-out white sweatshirt, baggy jeans, braided belt, chunky brown cop shoes, glow-in-the-dark faux Starter jacket (in his defense, he was color blind -- so I don't think he knew how bright that effing red jacket really was... but that doesn't forgive the fact that it wasn't even a real Starter jacket)
  

And, of course, there were the numerous times I folded a BF's laundry or picked up dinner or let his dogs out (even though they weighed more than me). But when you're in the moment, it all seems totally normal, doesn't it?

What crazy things have you done for love?

P.S. If you see a gaggle of girls on West 6th this weekend and it looks like they're looking for missing a group member, it's probably me. At least now you know where to tell them to find me.

Good for a laugh

Remember when I wrote last week about that chic doing that crazy thing called Project Husband? Ummm, yeah. Apparently she's also done a song about getting married. On an electric keyboard in front of her kitchen.

Totally good for a Monday giggle. So ridic.



I think there were like six words in that entire song. (Six words too many, but still...)

August already?!?

How is it possibly August already?

But I guess that begs the question... how is everyone's Summer of Sin going?

I would like some stories, pleaseandthankyou. Comment away.