Lame-o lunch

Hi, guys. It's lunchtime on Tuesday. You know, the same time that I was supposed to be having a soiree with The Ram.

But I got an email from him late last nite saying that he had to postpone our lunch -- again -- due to work. (And this time, he didn't reschedule with me.)

Which is interesting, considering that I just mentioned in my last post how I had a weird feeling about this whole scenario anyhow. I must have ESP! (I definitely have PMS.)

Listen, I am the first person to understand when stuff needs to be rescheduled because of work. It happens to me all the time.

(It may surprise you to learn that my professional life is actually really quite good... you know... the exact opposite of my love life right now.)

That said, I am also smart enough to know that if you are even the slightest bit interested in someone, you usually make every effort to try to see them... especially after rescheduling once already.

Blogdad didn't raise no dummy.

This guy ain't interested.

End. Of. Story.

As they say on MTV... NEXT!!!!

(AAB sidenote: Speaking of cheesy MTV shows and blogdad... he once told me that he wanted us to go on that Parental Control show where the mom and dad each get to pick a date for their daughter/son. I told him that I was pretty sure I wasn't eligible since I am almost twice the age of most of the contestants.)

JDMFJCS June!!!!

Garnering 61% of the vote, this month's dating adventures will hereby be deemed Just Date Me for Jesus Christ's Sake June!

(Or, JDMFJCS June for short. Apologies to any holy rollers who might find that name offensive. It's all in good fun, I promise.)

Here's hoping it works.

Because I've got a busy week ahead. Which will either lead to a lot of interesting boy interactions or a lot of disappointing ones:

• Tuesday: rescheduled lunch soiree with The Ram. When we initially made these plans weeks ago (after we had run into each other about a hundred times in two weeks), I was really excited. But the more time has gone on (and we haven't seen each other), the more I've got a weird feeling about it. But sometimes gut instincts are wrong, right?


• Thursday: a political fundraiser with my aunt, who is hellbent on fixing me up with some guy that she knows is going to be at this thing. I am not sure how I feel about this potential set-up, seeing as a.) the last guy she wanted to fix me up with 110% looked like David Crosby and b.) she is not good at taking "no" for an answer. (From me.)


• Saturday: bachelorette party!!!! And you know what shows up when there is a gaggle of girls around? That's right: a gaggle of guys.

I also had a couple of other random boy interactions this weekend, but nothing worth writing about. (At least, not yet.) However, I WILL say that the two guys who expressed interest were 11 years apart in age. Whoa, Always a Bridesmaid. Way to pick an age demo and stick with it. ;)

So what do you think? Are you betting on Tuesday, Thursday or Saturday for the best boy story? Any of you have a gut feeling?

No Jorts June (working title)

Crap. I just realized it's already June. Which means two things: 1. Mr. May-be was a bust (as were April Adventures and Manhunt March) and 2. I need a name for June's dating adventures.

And, so as not to get your hopes up, you should also probably know that my lunch soiree with The Ram got pushed back to next week. (Work stuff for both of us.) Pooh.

Crap and pooh. *Awesome* use of the English language, Always a Bridesmaid.

Since I can't seem to find the right words right now... wanna help me name this month's dating adventures? All I can think of is "No Jorts June" (as in, I won't go out with any man who wears jean shorts), but I've got to believe there are better options than that. Ideas?

(Sidenote: for some reason, I'm now singing that Nair commercial jingle that you probably all know, but in my warped little mind I've changed the words to "Who wears short jorts?" instead... God, what is wrong with me?)

A wedding love connection (with a twist)

Now before you get too excited thinking that there was some magic chemistry between me and Kevin Costner at the wedding... don't. There was no love connection to be had.

(Not even enough to elicit a teensy smooch.)

However, there was a love connection at the wedding this weekend. Actually, there were several. But they were all bromances involving blogdad.

Always a Bridesmaid wedding weekend love matches: 0

Blogdad wedding weekend love matches: 2.5 (the .5 was actually Kevin Costner, who appeared to try to win me over by purchasing several vodka tonics for blogdad... but even blogdad wasn't really all that interested in him)

Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

Regardless, we still all had a great time, despite the fact that the air conditioning in the hotel forgot how to work, leaving us to get ready in 80+-degree rooms.

A few highlights:

• Blogdad dirty dancing with every single one of my friends (Every. Single. One.), including an incident where my friend Shannon lost her footing and fell to the ground, to which the DJ responded "White girl down!" over the microphone.


• Me asking a few of the older wedding guests if they wanted to borrow my gladiator-style BCBG heels to break it down on the dance floor. Turns out, they were all nuns. (Seriously.)


• Our friend Jen announcing her issues with IBS to the table over dinner, then asking me if I would write about it on the blog. (Guess this answers THAT question, huh, Jen?)


• Our other friend explaining to all of us what a "blumpkin" is. Click on that link if you want to vomit.


• Our friend Molly's husband dancing to "Eye of the Tiger," complete with scenes involving an imaginary jump rope and chicken. (Truth be told, our friend Mandi meant for this song to serve as the backdrop for a push-up contest between her and me, but I told her I wouldn't go through with it for fear of my Spanx showing while I was in the plank position.)


• Ending the nite after a nightcap (or three) at the hotel bar, then heading to our room to munch on crackers in bed while sipping Kahlua.

So, sorry to disappoint, readers. I know there has been a real lack of fun dating stories lately. (And if you think that makes for boring reading... imagine having to LIVE this life!)

But, my lunch date (if you can call it that) with The Ram is this week, so maybe that will bring some excitement. And if that doesn't work out... maybe we can check back in later this week on how blogdad's bromances are going.

From pocket-sized to Kevin Costner

Know what I realized a long weekend brings to my dating life?

Just another possible day to meet guys who are soooooo not right for me.

I had fun plans all weekend and thought for sure that I would meet at least one guy who even just kinda sorta piqued my interest.

Ummm... not so much. (Though I did have a great time with my girlfriends, so at least it wasn't a total waste.)

A quick overview of the boys who entered my life this weekend:

• Friday: The pocket-sized Indian guy who sent over two bottles of champagne to my friends and me when we were at Lola, then ended up joining us for about 20 minutes and picking up our entire $200+ desserts and drinks tab (hey, it's not so bad being out with a bunch of cute girls sometimes!!)


• Saturday: The pocket-sized guy from Miami (Florida, not the university) who thought he was hot shit because he owned a couple of businesses and was only 26 (though I never would have guessed he was as successful as he claimed based on his polyester shirt)


• Sunday: The pocket-sized too-tan guys from Medina who each had donkeys hanging out of their back pockets from their winnings at the rib cook-off (in other words... the donkeys should have been a tip-off to the two asses)

So, there were no potential Mr. May-bes in that bunch, ladies and gentlemen. (And a bunch of pocket-sized guys to boot.)

And, I realized when looking at my calendar for the week that my lunch with The Ram (the only guy I've even considered as a potential suitor in recent history) isn't until next week. Geez.

In happier news, I'm only working three days this week, then heading to Toledo for my very good friend Michele's wedding. Believe it or not, I'm not a bridesmaid this time around (though I am doing a reading at the ceremony).

And, apparently, the soon-to-be groom is conspiring to fix me up with his friend (who lives down in one of the Carolinas BTW... not a ton of potential there). But, I'm told he looks like Kevin Costner... which could be a good thing (think Field of Dreams) or a bad thing (think Waterworld).

If nothing else, at least I've got an open bar and lots of blackout & tonics heading my way this weekend... and, hopefully, a blog story or two.

Any of you have better luck meeting boys this weekend?

Fancy seeing you here...

Have you ever had a weird feeling that the universe was trying to send you a message?

I've been randomly seeing The Ram (who I met through mutual friends a couple of years ago and have subsequently seen a few times since then) for the past couple of weeks. Hadn't seen him since last summer, and then, in the span of just a few days, I ran into him about four or five times. (Hence the name The Ram... because I keep running into him.)

It all started when I saw him out during lunch about two weeks ago. We exchanged friendly hellos, but I honestly didn't think much of it... especially because I was pretty sure he didn't even remember my name.

Then we crossed paths during lunchtime a few days later. We waved and yelled "hi!" to each other across the street, but didn't stop to chat.

Early last week, I was walking to an Indians game with a bunch of guys from work and saw The Ram sitting in his car waiting to pull out (TWSS) as the guys and I were crossing the street. He started waving to me from inside his car and, after wondering who the hell was waving to me for a second, I realized who it was and popped over to say hi.

And, in the spirit of Mr. May-be (this month's proactive manhunt adventures), I told The Ram that we should just grab lunch already for as much as we'd been running into each other. He agreed.

So I took his card, emailed him a few times last week and booked a lunch date for next week. (Our calendars didn't work out until then -- boo!)

After all of the weird run-ins, I finally told my friends about all of the random sightings to see if they thought it was as bizarre as I did. Being a great wingwoman (and a loyal blog reader who knows the sorry state of my dating life right now), my friend (the one who knows both me and The Ram) texted him to come meet us, and 15 minutes later he showed up for a couple of drinks. (He had to leave shortly thereafter because he had other plans for the nite, but in the short time he was there we confirmed that he is not dating anyone right now.)

After all of this randomness, I really felt like the universe was trying to tell me something. I mean, I don't run into people I work with as much as I was running into this guy.

So I almost couldn't believe it yesterday when I ran into The Ram again. This time, at the gym. (Yes, you read that correctly. The gym. Not jazzercise.)

I was taking a dance class that my friend teaches at the Rocky River Fitworks (which was super fun, BTW) and happened to catch a glimpse of The Ram standing right outside the room we were in. For realz? I nearly fainted. (Then again, that could have been attributed to all of the dancing to Michael Jackson.) When class was over, he happened to be standing about 20 feet outside the group fitness room, so we briefly chatted (as I was dripping with sweat, mind you... like I had just re-enacted that scene from Flashdance) before I headed to my car.

So is it possible that all of these were just weird coincidences? (Minus the planned drinks pop-in at the Greenhouse Tavern.) Or is the universe trying to tell me something? Guess we'll find out at my lunch soiree with The Ram next week. Unless, of course, I run into him before then...

Important P.S.: I have always thought that The Ram is pretty much one of the funniest people I ever met in my life. Which, as you know, is trait #1 on the AAB boy wish list. Hmmm...

***** UPDATE *****

My friend just reminded me that she and I ran into The Ram at D'vine in between the biz card exchange and The Greenhouse Tavern run-in. I ran into him so much, I forgot one of the run-ins!!!