I've said it before...

... and I'll say it again... ladies, NEVER leave the house looking like a pig. Because you never know when you'll meet your future boyfriend. Or see an ex-BF. Or, even better, a friend of an ex-BF.

I stopped at Heinen's on my way home from work the other nite and ran into one of The Divorcee's really good friends. (The Divorcee and I would often double with this guy and his GF, and he's one of the friends who Facebook friended me after The Divorcee and I broke up.)

The friend started the conversation by saying, "Wow, you look really great, AAB." Then, after a few minutes of chatting and catching up, he again said, "How is it possible that you're not dating anyone?"

I wanted to say, "Go ask your stupid friend." But I refrained and just replied with a giggle and a "I have no freaking idea." We ended the conversation by agreeing to grab a drink sometime soon to catch up. But I have a feeling the whole "bros before hos" mantra may come into play before that ever happens.

Regardless, it still felt nice to get a little sweet love from a boy who you just know was going to call his friend as soon as he got in the car to tell him what just happened. Aaaah, the joys of ex- gloating.

And then juuuuuusssssttt when you're starting to feel like maybe you're getting your mojo back (after a Valentine's weekend date and this unexpected compliment-filled run-in)... SMACK. A giant underground zit appears on your chin. (You know the ones... the flat-ish hard blemishes that just linger under the surface of your skin for days and days?!?!)

Aaaaannnddd... back to reality. But, hey. At least the zit didn't surface until after the friend run-in, right?

Some good dating advice...

... from an 8-year-old girl named Anita. (See bolded pink text below.)

(I'm sure you may have seen this as an email forward before, but it still cracks me up every time I read it. Enjoy!)

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.-- Ricky, age 10

*****

Thanks for forwarding this, blogmom!

What kid do you think has it figured out the best?

Lonely hearts club = Sunday brunch date

Well, it turns out that having a GNO on Valentine's Day is actually pretty fun. The girls and I had a tasty dinner at Light Bistro (although our server had about as much personality as your keyboard) and followed that up with some cocktails at Bier Markt.

I thought it might be an interesting nite when we walked into Bier Markt and it appeared to be Sausage Fest '09. As in, I literally thought it might be gay nite there. But it wasn't. Yeah for us!

After we were at the bar for about an hour, I locked eyes with a guy across the bar, and he immediately came over to talk to us. Enter our newest blog fodder: Val. (See what I did there? For Valentin... oh, forget it.)

Anyhow, Val and I chatted for the rest of the nite. He was funny, cute, charming and confident. Score! (I even looked past the fact that he wasn't wearing a watch.) About halfway through our conversation, he asked if he could see me on Sunday because he was having such a good time.

Old AAB probably would have played coy so as to make it seem she wasn't so available. But *new* AAB said that sounded fun. (See? I told you I have turned over a new dating leaf this year.)

(Sidenote: I was apparently so caught up in my conversation with Val that I entirely missed the scene of my friend helping some woman who had puked on herself in the bar. Like, ALL OVER herself. On the couches in the front of the bar, not in the bathroom. Now that's what I call "love sick.")

But back to the story. Since I had lots going on later in the day on Sunday, Val and I met for brunch at Touch Supper Club. I walked in to find him sitting at the bar with a mimosa, and he looked just as cute in his Under Armour zip-up as he did in his button down and blazer the nite before.

We chatted, ate and shared embarrassing drinking stories for a couple of hours before I had to leave. I genuinely enjoyed our conversation, though I was a bit taken aback that both the bartender and the DJ knew Val by name. Party much? I actually called him out on it after a third person came in and knew him. He told me he just knows a lot of people. Hmmm...

(Another sidenote: Val took out his iPhone and Facebook friended me while we were at brunch, so now that I've been able to look at his profile... he does have quite a few bar pics in there. OK, a LOT of bar pics.)

Beyond the whole question of whether he parties too much, my only other hesitation with Val is that he just got divorced. (I swear, I have a knack for finding guys who are either in the middle of or just out of a divorce. Awesome timing, AAB.) She cheated and he kicked her out.

(Though this is now the third recently divorced guy who has given me this story... is that how they teach guys to get back into the dating scene in Divorce School?)

But I also learned that Val likes to cook, owns his own business (and works A LOT), likes to travel and has the same birthday as blogdad. (I found that last tidbit somewhat creepy.)

After a couple of hours, Val walked me to my car (I ALWAYS drive myself to a first date as an insurance policy/get-away plan), gave me a peck on the lips and referenced taking me out again this coming weekend.

So I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

But at least now I can say I had a date over Valentine's weekend. :)

Today is totally S.A.D.

Singles Awareness Day, that is!

OK, ok. So it's also Valentine's Day. And, really, I'm not all that upset about it. (My attitude has changed significantly in the past week. No use being crabville, right?)

I have fun plans for tonite with three other girlfriends (we added to the party since I last wrote). And I already received sweet cards and treats from some friends and family. (Including a gift for "Aunt Juicy" (me) from my friends' kids, complete with Malley's gummi bears -- my FAVE!.)

So I know I'm loved.

Even if I'm single.

And it's actually sort of nice to not be stressing about what to wear, what the plans are, and whether he'll like my gift (though I hardly ever worried about the gift part... that's one of my best GF traits, if I do say so myself).

In fact, going out with a group of girls meant I didn't have to make ANY plans. For once. (We girls are good like that, no?)

On the agenda for tonite? Cocktails and dinner at Light Bistro. After-dinner drinks at Bier Markt. Lots of chatting with boys (who are most likely single if they are out on Valentine's Day). And hopefully a blog story or two. :)

Happy Heart Day!

Not a total write-off?

(First of all... is "write-off" an insurance term or a tax term? Hmmm. Well, for our purposes, let's pretend it has something to do with insurance, even though I'm pretty sure that's wrong.)


So there's been something I haven't been telling you guys about my dating life. I decided in early January that there might be some life left in some of the random dates I had over the summer and fall, so I decided that I needed to force myself to reconnect with some of those guys JIC. (Just in case.)

But now I feel like I should come clean because I actually (sort of) have a conversation going with one of them. (I was reluctant to blast this across the blogosphere in case none of them went anywhere.) But let's not get too excited here, peeps. Because I'm still not sure where this one is headed.

The Insurance Guy was the first boy who popped into my head when I made this pact with myself. (Click on The Insurance Guy tag on this post if you want to read all of the previous entries about him.) If you remember, my high school friend had introduced us over the summer, and he and I went on a couple of dates (and he also met my friend and me out for drinks once.) He is very cute, smart, professionally successful and funny. (He also wears a watch and has clean fingernails.) A perfect AAB match.

Well, an almost perfect match.

What held me back over the summer was that he was in the middle of a divorce when we met, and I just wasn't sure I was ready to go there again after The Divorcee. (He also has a son, but that honestly didn't bother me at all. Especially since one of my "musts" is someone who is family oriented.) I was also willing to admit that maybe he just wasn't that into me (the horror!) either. But I figured I should at least give it a shot to see what might happen.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago.

While commenting on a friend's Facebook status (not the friend who fixed us up), I saw The Insurance Guy's name pop up as a mutual FB friend. Whoa. It was like karma! So I took a deep breath, hoped I wasn't making a huge ass out of myself and sent him a little FB message to say hi. I did not, however, friend him. Just sent him a little note.

A few hours later, I got a friend request from him.

Since then, we have exchanged a few messages, including one where he told me to pop in next time I'm in the neighborhood (his office is in the same building as one of the boards that I'm on). A little harmless FB conversation, if you will.

It's been a little weird in that I feel like I had been the one initiating most of the conversation (or, to be more accurate, e-versations). But that's what this whole little mission to myself was all about, right?

And I know you're thinking... AAB, you're the first one to tell a guy to call and not use gadgets to connect with love interests. And you're right. But I didn't want to call because I was still trying to feel out whether he's dating someone (which I still don't know). So I've been playing it low-key (while admittedly semi-stalking his FB page to get clues about whether he's single).

(BTW, his divorce is now over. Final court date? My birthday. Weird.)

Anyhow... late last nite, I got a FB message from him. An original one. Not a reply to something I had written. He was just writing to say hi, ask about my high school friend who initially fixed us up and tell me to let him know when she and I are going out again so he could meet us for a drink.

So now I don't know what to think. On one hand, it sounds like he just wants a very casual meet-up with me and my friend (maybe more to see her than me!). On the other, he did initiate this message and suggested getting together (albeit with another person).

What would you have done?

Well, I'll tell you what I did. With my new-found balls and promise to myself to pursue any guy that might have been a good match for me, I wrote back. And I told him that I'd let him know when my friend and I got together again. But that I wouldn't be against grabbing a drink in the meantime (without her).

As I wait for his response... is there anyone else that you think I should maybe try to reconnect with? (He's been the only one so far.) Leave a comment or send me an email.

But for the love of all things holy... don't even think about suggesting The Gyno Guy.

The Marrying Kind

This guest post comes courtesy of my sweet, sassy, single friend Liberty Belle. Since I haven't had any juicy boy stories lately, I thought I owed you one. And, boy, it's a doozy. Read on!

*****

I shared this story with our heroine, AAB, and she asked me to submit a guest blog to share this disaster with her readers. As you read this, think about how you would have handled what happened. I would love to know!

I met The Contractor on Halloween. I literally spotted him when he walked in the door of the bar and our eyes met across the room. I kid you not. He was not my normal type (more Bradley Cooper than Gael García Bernal.) He bee lined towards me and introduced himself. And although he no longer lived in the area, he was charming, good looking, successful (owned his own business – which brought him to town for an extended work trip) and most important – no ring!

In an effort to snap our photo after we met, he “accidentally” dumped his beer down my dress. “Let’s get on the dance floor and dry you off,” was his response. Had he not been so cute I would have scoffed. But dance I did and we exchanged numbers and went out the next night. (How about THAT pick up line, btw?)

Early on I had asked him if he had a girlfriend back home. “Not right now,” was his answer.

Upon learning his age (40) I was curious if he had been married. “Yes, is that a problem?” No, I assured him, it certainly was not – so long as he was not STILL married, I joked. But I did not have a good feeling about and I should know my gut is usually right. Probably because I knew he was away from home, I had no one to give me a background check on him (like a friend of a friend that might know him) and he rarely called me – mostly texted.

The clincher was when he went away to his parents in FLA over Thanksgiving and I received no calls from him for over a week. When he returned I asked him again about his marital status. He remained very adamant about his current singlehood. “My marriage is over. I am sorry you have been worried about it, but it is.”

We continued to date between Halloween and Christmas when his job here wrapped and he moved back to his home down south. Since the new year I have heard from a couple of times – offering to come make me chicken soup when I was sick (it is easy to offer when you have no intention of following through!) and inquiring after me when he heard about my company’s big layoff announcement.

Really, I have not been putting much stock in it – just thinking it might be nice to keep in touch for a future hook up. On a recent call he informed me he might be coming back to town for another job but may have to “sneak away” for a visit sooner. (Hmmm… interesting choice of word – sneak?)

(AAB sidenote: this is where it gets REALLY good.)

Fast forward to last week. As I am upstairs getting ready for work, I miss a call that goes to voicemail. When I later check it I see I have a missed call and (bonus!) a voicemail from The Contractor!

And readers, this is where I think my guardian angel was watching out for me. He was not calling to check in or chat or even tell me he was coming for a visit. He pocket dialed me with his iPhone. And the message he left is basically a recording of a conversation he is having with what sounds like his FAMILY as they get ready for their day.

There is a whole cast of characters – including a baby (he sounded so happy and cute… awww) and a girl, whom he refers to by the name I had thought was his ex’s name. She is saying she is excited for her birthday dinner he is taking her to that evening. Suddenly, the call signs off.

Now, I am pissed. Not just because it looks like the guy has been lying to me (and is a cheat, but that is his wife’s issue) but he really must have thought so little of me that he thought he could get away with it!

So, after deliberating (and checking in with AAB for some advice) I FORWARD the voicemail back to him, hoping he gets the point. Unfortunately, cell phone technology isn’t that advanced and I receive a voicemail the next day saying, “Your message to the following number was not delivered.”

Darn! Now, what would you have done? Should I have sent him an angry text? What if it really wasn’t his wife (but my gut is telling me it was someone of importance. Plus the gurgling baby?). Needless to say, I have not heard from him since – which is really quite a relief. I am hoping he is embarrassed and only glad this did not get to the point where he would have to reveal anything or experience messy confrontation.

My lesson learned? If I do not meet the guy through someone I know, I am asking for a copy of his divorce records – if he claims he is!

*****

See? I told you it was a good story. I think Liberty Belle has the makings of a great full-time blogger, no? So... what would you have done if you were her?

The one you can't forget

Why is it that no matter how hard you try to forget that one ex- that made an indelible mark on you, he always finds a way to work his way into your subconscious... even when he might not be trying?

That's how I am with The Divorcee. No matter how much I try to forget about him, random things always seem to happen that bring him right back.

Three things happened since late last week:

• Blogdad called to tell me that The Divorcee is single again. How does he know, you ask? Well, because one of blogdad's colleagues happened to be recently dating The Divorcee. (Six degrees, I tell you!!!! Now you HAVE to believe me!) My parents discovered this when they ran into this girl and The Divorcee at The Feast in Little Italy over the summer. Anyhow, blogdad called to tell me this little tidbit because he thought my birthday horoscope said something about someone from my past coming back. (In fact, it said that someone important to my life's history will be entering my life in the near future. Which I suppose could be one in the same. God, I hope that doesn't mean some gross guy might come back though.) But that's all just a long way of saying... reminder number one.


• While I was at the nail salon on Saturday, I got a picture text from one of my friends at work that said, "Is this ur ex?" And, indeed, it was. She snapped his pic from afar at Starbucks. (She's actually never met him, but saw a pic once after I was forced to defend the caliber of guys I date because another girl in our office had made a snide comment about my BFs -- whom she had never seen, BTW. Anyhow, seriously... I have dated some cute guys. The Divorcee is a cross between McSteamy and Leonardo DiCaprio. Yum.) Anyhow, I digress. Reminder number two. (And a really random one at that, no?)


• On Sunday, I discovered that The Divorcee has just joined Facebook. How do I know? Two of his friends had previously FB friended me after the break-up (emphasis that THEY friended ME, which I was totally cool with because I actually really liked them and hoped we could somehow stay in touch after the break-up). Anyhow, one of the said friends commented on one of The Divorcees' pics on Sunday. That comment/pic showed up in my news feed. Reminder three.

UGH. I can't shake this guy. And I really can't explain it. I know I should hate him for breaking my heart, but I just can't. Eff. What's also really weird is the timing of all of this. We broke up (for good, after a couple of starts and stops due to his unresolved feelings about his divorce) the week before Valentine's Day a couple of years ago. This same exact week two years ago. (Guess that makes reminder number four, huh?)

Does anyone else have that one guy they can't seem to shake? Or did you, but you got over it? If so, HELP!?!?!?!?