Close call!!!

I was talking to The Banker tonite and accidentally almost called him The Banker to his face (errr, ear). Yikes! I have to be more careful.

Update: we are probably meeting out on Friday after he goes to his cousin's surprise birthday dinner. I have a mani appointment at 6:45 on Friday (in prep for this weekend's parties), so I hope he doesn't want to go bowling or do yardwork later that nite.

So many contacts, so little time

I went to send a text message to my friend Carrie earlier (re: plans for this weekend's shower/bachelorette party combo for our friend Molly, of course -- Always a Bridesmaid!) and while I was doing that, saw a contact a few down from Carrie's name that I'm not sure belongs in my phone. In fact, there are a lot of randoms' numbers in my phone that probably don't belong there.

But here's what I've learned: every time I delete the number of a guy I have in my phone, he inevitably calls after I delete the number (hello, The Groundhog!!)... and I sometimes answer (not knowing, of course, who is calling)... and I always regret it.

So, I now leave most boys' numbers in my contact list whether I think I'll talk to them again or not... just in case. Here are some of the guys I will probably never talk to again, but still keep in my phone anyhow:

• The Pocket-Sized Chef: This is the Chris Kattan look-alike I referenced in this post. I met him at a happy hour at a bar near my sister's house and could tell he sort of liked me. But I just wasn't feeling it. He called and texted a bunch of times, but I didn't want to lead him on in any way, so I didn't respond. But I left his number in my phone in case he ever calls or texts again. I don't think he will, considering when I ran into him again (at a second happy hour with my sister about a month later), he came up to me like he wasn't sure he recognized me (duh) and was like, "Always a Bridesmaid, right?" LOL.


• The DJ: I have never even talked to, seen, texted or anything else with this guy. Someone gave him my number, he called and left a vm, and I saved his number in case he ever calls again. But a DJ? I think I'm too old for that. But, he's staying in my phone because you never know when you might need someone to spin a lil' JT at a wedding shower or something.


• The Insurance Guy: I went on two or three dates with this guy, who I was set up with by my friend Maureen. He was really cute and had a very dry sense of humor, but he's in the middle of a divorce (his final court date is on my birthday! WEIRD!), and I think he's maybe a teeny bit too quiet for me. But I would definitely go out with him again, so that's why he's still in my phone.


• The Intern: This guy was an intern for my company yeeeaaarrrsss ago (and I was kinda maybe sorta his supervisor). He was one of our first male interns, and every woman in our office thought he was "a hunk" (this term was LITERALLY used to describe him). Everything was on the up and up when he was my intern, but fast forward to this past Fall when we started talking again when he was seeking career advice. We hung out when he was home visiting his family (he lived in Chicago at the time; he has since moved to NYC), and he still sometimes sends me little messages here and there. So, he's not going anywhere on the contact list.


• The High School Stalker: Picture it. Lunchtime in my building. I'm getting a bowl of turkey chili from the little corner deli. I sense a guy staring at me out of the corner of my eye. What I didn't realize was that I was holding my building ID with my name facing him, so he knew who I was. Turned out the guy was a stalker I had in high school. I went out with him once (to a movie) back in H.S., and on the way home he told me he loved me. ONE DATE. He also used to sit outside my house because he knew when my curfew was and wanted to see me come home every weekend nite. So why, you ask, would I even give him my number to begin with when I saw him again (minus the fact that I didn't want my chili to get cold)? Well, I was totally caught off guard, and I knew he was doing construction work on my building (and figured if I gave him a fake number, I would see him again and he'd go psycho on me). His stalker ass, of course, called me several times after I ran into him, but I never called him back. His number is in my phone so I can screen, screen, screen! (Truth be told, I often duck when I see a guy with a shaved head doing work in my building -- you can never be too careful with a stalker!)


• The Murse - Part 2: This is not my six-year relationship guy, but this guy was also a male nurse. I met him when he found my profile in a Cleveland Magazine article about "hot singles," and he emailed me out of the blue (seven or eight months after the article ran) because he said he "liked what he read." He was the kind of guy who would make an awesome friend, but there was zero, zilch, nunca chemistry. To be honest, I'm not sure there's a good reason he's still in my contacts, but it sort of feels weird to delete him and not guys like The High School Stalker. So I guess he made the cut out of pity.


• The Sweater Guy: This guy now lives in Chicago, but lived here when we met. He's a six degrees of separation guy, in that he met and liked my friend Molly three or four years before we met. We called him The Sweater Guy because both Molly and I met him at the same bar in Westlake (years apart, mind you), and he was wearing THE SAME EXACT sweater both times. I wrote him off when he told me to meet him out at the Blind Pig after a Tribe game, and I walked in to the bar only to see him making out with some other girl. That's when I knew The Sweater Guy's chances had come undone.


• The Gyno Guy: The guy I wrote about in this post. 'nuff said.

And that just takes me to the M's in my contact list!! Wow. My phone sure makes it seem like I have a thriving social life. Too bad it's mostly so I can avoid the boys who have been in it thus far!

Do you still have contacts in your phone who have no business being there?

I don't have THAT much to say...

... okay, maybe I do. But I can't believe the emails and comments I got today from annoyed readers who were upset I hadn't updated yet today. I don't always have something interesting to write, peeps. (Hard to believe, since I am seemingly never at a loss for words.)

Hence, the reason for this week's poll (see left column). Let me know how often you visit the 27 Dresses blog and I'll try my best to keep up with your reading habits.

Just remember -- I do have a full-time job. Plus, my part-time job as a bridesmaid. :)

The Virtual Wing(wo)man

The fun part about telling everyone and their mother about the finders' fee is getting random messages from people trying to score the grand prize.

Case in point: this weekend, I got two messages from friends I don't typically hear from on a regular basis. Or, as I like to call them, my virtual wing(wo)men.

Virtual Wingwoman: My friend Abby, who I just recently met but who sort of feels like an old friend. We just immediately got along, and I kinda thought she was like a tinier version of me (which is saying something, considering I'm only 5'2"). We've only hung out a couple of times, but I think our immediate "connection" (no, I'm not interested in her in *that* way) means that she already probably "gets" me (and my type of guy) pretty well. Anyhow, got a text from Abby on Friday nite saying that she had a new prospect in mind for me. Unfortunately, I was couch-bound with my cold and couldn't meet her out. So, I emailed her today for details on the potential future Mr. Always a Bridesmaid. Stay tuned.

Virtual Wingman: My friend Mark who's on a nonprofit Board with me. He knows me pretty well, so I was interested to see who he had in mind. Problem is, I'm not sure he had anyone specific in mind. Just got a text from him saying, "Do you like Italian guys?" I'm assuming he was at a wedding that was filled with lots of my comrades (Italians, that is). But his wife is uber-Italian, so he might have just been scrolling through her cell phone too. Mark, I need a little more info than that.

Needless to say, I'm quite intrigued by what either of these guys have in mind. If nothing else, it should make for some interesting blog fodder.

Please note: this is not the first time either Abby or Mark have tried to fix me up. So what are you doing just sitting there reading this blog? Let's get in on the finders' fee action, people.

Six degrees of separation (or less)

I have long said that my dating life is like six degrees of separation, meaning that the guys I date (or am supposed to get fixed up with) typically know and/or date(d) one of my friends.

I'm sure I'll cover this in future posts, since it happens all the time. I'm actually in a six degrees of separation wedding in a couple of months, which will be a first for me.

For this post, I'll stick with my friend Jenn. My group of girlfriends has been friends with Jenn's fiancee Brian for years. When we met her (after hearing LOTS about her), we instantly liked her and felt like she'd always been part of our group of friends. We even used to tell Brian that we would take friend custody of Jenn and dump him if they ever broke up.

Anywho... Jenn and I were emailing the other day and discovered the she went on a couple of dates with The Groundhog a few years ago. Her take on him is the same as mine: very cute guy who is fun to talk to on the phone, but has a stalkerish screw loose in the dating department. I'm actually being nice when I put it that way. I think Jenn's exact words were, "Stay away!"

Fast forward... I was on the phone with The Banker this weekend, and he reminded me where he grew up (which is where Jenn grew up), so I asked if he knew her and/or her family. He got VERY excited because he, indeed, knows the family. And dated Jenn in high school.

I couldn't help but be amused and sent Jenn an email that just said, "The Banker is [name]! Why do I get all of your sloppy seconds?!?" I was glad to hear that she thinks he is a very nice guy -- and voted for him in this week's poll question before she even knew who he was. Jenn and I are getting together for happy hour this week, so I'm sure I'll get more deets then.

Six degrees side note: Jenn and I are having drinks with Sarah, the girl who fixed me up with The Coach. Years ago, Sarah tried to fix me up with Brian (Jenn's now-fiancee), but I was already friends with him (which Sarah didn't know). She later fixed up Brian and Jenn, and the rest is history!

Weekend preview

As I promised last week, I'm going to try my best to do a preview of every weekend on Fridays. In store for this weekend:

• Tonite -- probably not much. I've been feeling sort of crappy for a couple of days now and think I probably just need to stay in and get better already. But, The Phoenix Brother is in town and has asked me about 15 times to meet up tonite. So, we'll see how I feel.


• Tomorrow -- going to a pre-wedding wedding party party (is that confusing or WHAT?!?) for my friends Molly and Drew. Let me break it down: "pre-wedding" = before their big day in November; "wedding party" = all attendants of the bride and groom (and their significant others -- except for those of us who are single); "party" = shindig/wine party. In essence, the wedding party is pretty much just looking for an excuse to meet each other and get drunk together prior to the wedding. Translation: a dry run for the party bus.


• Sunday -- not sure yet. Stay tuned.

And now that I've outed myself, I'm sure I'll hit up a Jazz class or two this weekend. Not that I'm likely to meet anyone there... but you never know who I might run into when I pick up a smoothie on my way home from class. ;)

My dirty little secret

I have a secret that I try to keep from new boys in my life for as long as possible. I... take... Jazzercise. (SHHHH!!!!)

Now before you get all judgey on me, take a class. I thought it was queer when my sister first suggested it too. But then I took a class that kicked my ass (I swore I tasted blood in my mouth), and I was a believer. It's more of an aerobics/kick boxing/pilates/strength training workout. And we even work out to Justin Timberlake!

BUT... let's be honest, Jazzercise needs some rebranding. Everyone still thinks of the 80's workout with leotards, braided headbands and women yelling WOOO!!! when they hear the word "Jazzercise." So I'm not about to tell a potential boy toy that I take Jazzercise. What do I say instead? "Cardio class."

I mention this because The Banker was talking about running when we were on the phone last nite, then proceeded to ask where I work out. I couldn't even tell him the location because I don't take the class at a community center or somewhere that could sort of pass the queerness test. No, not me. I take class at -- you guessed it -- an honest-to-goodness Jazzercise center.

So, dear readers, let's keep this our little secret for now. And please help me come up with some good responses for the next time a cute boy asks me where I work out!

P.S. Talking about Jazzercise reminds me of my favorite joke. Now that my arms are somewhat toned from class, I like to ask a crowd if anyone in the room is a veterinarian. When everyone answers no, I flex my arm and say, "Cuz my pythons are SICK." LOL. I love that joke.

A random nite in the life of my cell phone

5:42 -- text from The Banker telling me to have fun at my work event (said work event caused me to miss most of the following texts/calls)

6:58 -- missed call from The Phoenix Brother

7:45 -- text from The Cop asking if I was going to his friend's pig roast on Saturday (I'm not)

8:20 -- text from The Banker

9:35 -- missed call from The Groundhog (he did not leave a vm, and I did not call him back)

10:13 -- returned a call to The Banker (talked for about half an hour)

10:49 -- returned a call to The Phoenix Brother (talked for about 10 minutes about his trip to Cleveland this weekend)

To be honest, there were also some messages and missed calls from some of my girlfriends too... but that's not really why we're all here, is it? ;) Needless to say, my phone definitely needed a full charge last nite. Poor little Goldie.

Please don't sabotage me, sissies

Dear sisters -

Thanks so much for posting pictures from our family vacation to Facebook. The trip was super fun (minus the day 1 fight and the day 7 car malfunction/trip to McSchivatz). It was fun to relive the week with those pics.

BUT, I won't thank you for posting that one heinous pic of me, then getting mad when I untagged myself. I think we can all agree that I looked horrifically creepy. (And it wasn't even a bathing suit shot!)

Need I remind you that I am single and looking for a man? Scary pics of me on FB are not going to help that cause.

So please stop being mad that I untagged myself (the horror!) and posting the pic everywhere else you can think of. Unless, of course, you would like me to be the old maid aunt to your yet-to-be conceived children.

Love -
Your sis, Always a Bridesmaid

Midnite texter

I woke up this morning to a text from The Coach that was very bizarre in content and timing. As background, he has still been texting. He actually even tried to call over the weekend, but I missed the call. He left no vm. Then I got a TEXT (of course) saying that he tried to leave a vm but wasn't sure it went through. Suspicious.

Anyhow, he tried to call again last nite, but I again missed the call. I never got around to calling him back because I talked to my friend Molly and The Banker (I know, right? he called again!), then crashed on the couch.

Long story short... I woke up this morning to this text (sent at 2:55 am -- the time he gets up for work):

Im sorry it didnt work out 4 u. Ur very attractive & seemed 2b alot of fun 2 b with! Good luck 2 u!

Yikes. Now I feel badly and think I should (maybe?) respond. Not necessarily because I want to go out with him again. More because I don't want him to think I'm a huge B. and I'm sure he really is a very nice guy.

Or am I just being silly?

Texting your way to love

A guy from work forwarded me this video called "Texting your way to love," which is hysterically funny (and sort of a sad commentary on dating these days too). It's well worth the six minutes. Thanks for forwarding it, Alex!

It also reminded me of a word I came across in the Urban Dictionary book that Santa put in my stocking last year (yes, I'm 32 and my mother still insists on giving us stockings).

The word?

Textpectation: The anticipation one feels when waiting for a response to a text message.
I just texted her for a date – but now the textpectation is killing me.

Gotta love technology.

You have the right to remain... single!

After a weekend full of "please come meet me to watch the Browns game" texts, my cousin Katy and I decided to grab dinner, then go meet The Cop at a local bar. What a bust. He was cute enough, but he must have walked away from our group three different times -- for at least 20 to 30 minutes a pop! No thanks. The kicker was when he simply disappeared at the end of the nite. Sir, you're under arrest for being a douchebag. You have the right to remain single. (Sorry, Katy -- no finders' fee for you!)

On a brighter note, The Banker called when I got home and we talked for about an hour. He was very apologetic about his drunken episode on Friday nite and was actually quite fun to chat with. He's definitely head and shoulders above The Cop after tonite.

But the best part of today was having a girl date with my cousin Katy. We always have a lot of fun and laughs when we hang out, and it reminded me that sometimes the best dates are the ones that don't involve any Y chromosomes.

September to remember

It's been an interesting weekend since Friday nite. The Banker and The Cop have both been texting me a TON, and The Phoenix Brother keeps calling too (he's going to be in town next weekend and wants to hang out). The Banker has even picked up the phone to -- gasp!! -- call. What a novelty.

Hmmm... is there something in the air? I smell Fall nesting.

My friend Carrie is convinced that September is the month o' boys (well, not for her anymore -- she just got married). She theorizes that oldies climb out of the woodwork like crazy and newbies show up in throngs. She says they're all starting to think about the cold Fall/Winter months and want a little snuggle bunny to share them with. And she's got a Master's in psychology, so that must mean she knows what she's talking about. ;)

Guess we have another week or so to find out...

World's longest happy hour

Last time I checked, you weren't supposed to get home from "happy hour" at 3am. But I did. Oops.

Lucky for you, that long nite led to many interesting boy stories:

1. The Mouse - ran into him at the happy hour I went to with my sister. He is friends with my brother-in-law, and we actually casually dated for several months (though I never called him my BF). He is funny and VERY cute (as in, blogmom has a not-so-secret crush on him), but I think we're better off as just friends. Which is good, since I see him ALL the time now b/c he's sort of like my bro-in-law's little brother. (There is another part of this story involving a pocket-sized chef who resembles Chris Kattan, but I'll save that for another post.)


2. The Cop - while at the first happy hour, I ran into my friend Amy from work. We decided to meet my cousin Katy at another bar, where Katy proceeded to tell me about a guy she thinks would help her win the finders' fee challenge. She sent him my number while we were there, and we texted a bit last nite. He wants to try to meet up on Sunday to watch the Browns game.


3. The Banker - Katy and her friends decided to hit up another bar down the street, so Amy and I left for a bar closer to our neck of the woods. Went to a cute little place in Westlake (where we accidentally ended up crashing the Bay H.S. class of '73 reunion. Ooops). So, we headed further into the bar, where I met The Banker. Super cute, seemed to have a good job, but was actually pretty drunk so I really don't have a good feel for what he'd be like sober. But, he did text last nite to make sure I got home OK and sent a little note this morning to tell me he had fun last nite. Hmmm...
   

On tap for tonite: going out for my friend Carrie's bday in the W. 25th area. The Banker said he might be around there tonite too. Interesting...

*** UPDATE *** I posted this at noonish on Saturday, so I'm not sure why it's showing Friday. Weird.

Weekend preview

I'm going to try to do a "weekend preview" every week so you can start salivating about what crazy shenanigans I will likely be writing about on the back end.

1. Tonite, I'm heading to a happy hour at a new-ish bar near my sister's house.


2. Tomorrow nite, we'll be out in the W. 25th area to celebrate my friend Carrie's bday.


3. Sunday, I'll probably end up at Crocker Park or running errands.

Stay tuned!

The Groundhog

Got a call from The Groundhog this morning on my way to a client meeting. Why did I name him that? Because juuussssttt when you think you'll never hear from him again, he pops back up into your life.

I went on one date with him two (or was it three?) years ago after several weeks of talking on the phone. He was hilariously funny on the phone, but when we went to dinner he was really sort of weird/hard on himself/out of sorts. Sort of ended on a weird vibe, and then he started dating someone else (as did I).

Since then, he randomly calls every few months for several weeks straight, then fades out for good (at least, for what I THINK is for good). Side note: when he calls, he says, "Hi, it's me." Granted, I know who it is when I see his name pops up on my cell phone, but isn't the "it's me" reserved for BFs and relatives? And, he calls in the morning on his way into work... a time of day that is only acceptable for coffee and emergencies in my book.

Anyhow, how did we meet, you ask? He liked my friend Molly. Then my friend Carrie. (Actually, he liked them both at the same time, but that's a story for another post.) Then he liked me. (In his defense, I do have a very fun/cute group of friends.)

I do think he is super funny. And cute. And career-focused. And family-oriented. But maybe just a little too flighty. And definitely too random... at least, to this point...

Look up that Harmony place...

Even though I only started this blog a couple of weeks ago, I'm already getting lots of calls and emails from friends and family about how they relate to certain entries and/or the gist of the blog overall. NOTE: you can just use the "comment" feature on this blog to comment on any entry... it's easier!

Anyhow, my friend Sarah (who fixed me up with The Coach) forwarded this 27 Dresses in Cleveland blog to her single friend, and her friend forwarded back the below note that she received from her grandmother. It's priceless.

Talking at dinner with 5 ladies, I mention you are looking for a
husband. Two of them knew of a place and two couples who were married
and happy from their advice. I am sorry I only have part of the name:
Harmony something. Have you heard of it? They said the place is
reliable and asks and records many things of the person applying for help.

{Granddaughter's name}, you are in my prayers and maybe God has a
special life lined up for you. It seems like you have lots of friends - are
they also looking for a guy? Have you met all their brothers?

Honey, we can only pray and hope God will help us with this problem.
For myself, I feel you would be "quite a catch." Look up that Harmony
place. The ladies said you have to fill out papers about yourself and so forth...

My emailers is acting up.

Love,
Grandma

Ahh, if only it were that easy, Grams. I wonder if that Harmony place is anywhere near Westlake...

UPDATE: For all those who thought maybe I didn't "get" it, I realize that ol' Grams was talking about eHarmony. :)

Happy birthday to... me?!?

We're going out this weekend to celebrate my friend Carrie's birthday, so yesterday she and I were on the phone (with her new hubby commenting in the background) talking about where she wanted to go.


We both joked -- and then seriously decided -- it was most important to go somewhere that she and her hubby can try to make some cash by finding me a man (finders' fee!).


After we hung up, I felt sort of badly that my friend is planning her bday around my love life. But then I found this:

And that, my friends, is why married friends make great wing (wo)men.

Boarding pass = love at last?

I have discovered a VERY interesting phenomenon in my life. Every time I go out of town (or meet someone who is in Cleveland visiting from out of town), he shows interest in me. But try to find me a BF somewhere within the confines of Northeast Ohio and you're S.O.L.

It happened again recently with my friend's brother (more on that below). And in addition to him, there has been:

1. The Charlotte Analyst. I met this guy while on a business trip in Charlotte. I talked to him at a bar for a couple of hours (most of which I don't even remember due to the plethora of martinis we had that nite), and he even hailed us a cab and paid for it before we headed home. He proceeded to call, text and Facebook message me for the next couple of months, and I still randomly hear from him every now and then.


2. The San Diego Marine. I actually met this guy while we were both in Vegas for trips with friends, and we ended up seeing each other every day we were there. When I went to visit my friend Mandi in San Diego a few months later, we got together again. We stayed in touch over the next several months (via phone calls -- the novelty!) and throughout his deployment to Iraq. He is the definition of HOT (I mean, *H*O*T*) but had a very goofy sense of humor too. The drawback? Geographically undesirable.


3. The Phoenix Brother. No, not a "man of the cloth" kind of brother. My friend Carrie's "brother" brother. Very cute and completely not my type (fauxhawk, sleeve of tattoos, earrings, etc.). We weren't paired up as a couple for her recent wedding, but that didn't stop us from acting like it. He still calls and texts and wants to get together next time he's in town (in a couple of weeks).


4. The Chicago Real Estate Guy. Girls' weekend in Chicago + guy in a navy velvet blazer + lots of gin and tonics = very fun nite at the bar. He actually called while I was still in the air on the way home from the trip (another guy who calls!) and kept checking out my LinkedIn profile for several weeks after that. Which was really just sort of creepy.


5. The Cincinnati Cutie. Met him at Pickwick & Frolic when my friend -- *correction* -- my hammered friend Molly saw him, thought he was cute, and "dropped" her shoe to get us talking. Problem was, she was so drunk that she hurled her shoe at him like she was throwing someone out at first base. Regardless, her shoe-truduction worked, and we hung out the whole nite. We talked a few times after that, but I didn't see much purpose in pursuing anything with someone who lived so far away (and who was a Bengals fan).


6. The New York Politico. Met him at the same place I met The Cincinnati Cutie. He was in town stomping for Hillary Clinton with a bunch of other young civic-minded folks from NYC. Hung out all nite like we were long-lost girlfriends. Yes, I said girlfriends. In fact, I honestly didn't realize he was straight until he asked for my number and asked if he could come home with me. (I obvi said no.) We still keep in touch, and he has since changed aliases from The New York Politico to The D.C. Grad Student.

And I know there were others that I just can't remember. Can you?

Ms. Always a Bridesmaid "& Guest"

Got the invitation to my friend Molly's wedding today (which is super sleek/modern/cool, BTW). As has been the case for the past year or so, I sort of dread opening wedding invitation envelopes, knowing that the "& Guest" part is going to give me agita (Italian-speak for heartburn).

Should I bring someone? A guy friend? Our gay family friend who is SUPER fun at weddings? (Seriously. He is like Jack on Will & Grace times 10.) Hire a guy to be my date like Debra Messing did in that one movie?

Luckily, I am in this wedding (I know -- huge shocker!), which makes not having a date a ton less awkward. Actually, come to think of it... of all the weddings I've been a bridesmaid in, I've only had a date (The Murse) for one. That's sort of weird. And sort of awesome.

Why? Being a single bridesmaid is actually pretty sweet:

1. You can cut straight to the front of the bar line and claim you're getting a drink for the bride and groom. Then keep them both yourself. (My drink of choice: gin & tonic.)


2. You have first dibs on any cute single guys in the wedding party. (Truth be told, I have taken advantage of this scenario once.)


3. Since you're sitting at the head table with a great view of the crowd, you can easily scope out the room for any "guys' tables" and locate hotties who are also there solo.


4. You can't get in a fight with your BF/husband because you don't have one. (Why do so many couples get in fights at weddings anyhow? I blame the jack and Cokes.)


5. You get to eat first.

That said... Molls, I know I haven't officially RSVP'd yet. But I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that I probably won't meet the future Mr. Always a Bridesmaid between now and November. So you can probably cross off the "& Guest" for me. And make sure the bar is stocked with gin. For you, of course.

Y R U so txt :) ?

I'll admit it. I really don't like talking on the phone. But when you first start courting someone (I love the word "courting"), you can't really get to know him/her via text messages.

So why is it that nearly EVERY guy I have dated lately uses texting as a primary means of communication? Don't get me wrong. I LOVE texting. Much more to the point. Saves a lot of time. I get it. But why ONLY texting?

Got a text yesterday from The Coach asking if I wanted to go to the Tribe game on Wednesday (I declined b/c I have something else to do). I mean, I think I have talked to him on the phone twice. But he has texted me nearly every day for three or four weeks. I just think that's weird.

Pick up the phone, boys! (BTW, I would totally forgive the guy in this pic if he only texted me even after we got married. Cutie!)

*** UPDATE *** I literally got a text from The Coach the other day asking if he could call later that nite. Why the pre-call text? Why not just call? Geesh.

Deep thoughts by Always a Bridesmaid

The really fun part about blogging is realizing new things about yourself and how you communicate with the outside world. While re-reading some posts this morning, I noticed that I started three in a row with the word "so." How annoying. I will make every attempt to avoid this in the future.

So please call me on it if I forget. (Don't call me on that one... I put it there on purpose. :))

Congrats, Michele!

So I found out yesterday that my very good friend Michele got engaged this weekend. YEAH!!! She's been dating her BF for three years and has been very patient waiting for him to pop the question.

Michele was actually the friend who introduced me to The Murse (and, yet, I'm still friends with her. HA!). Lucky for me, my relationship with her has fared better, and our friendship has continued to grow over the past 10 years.

Congrats, you guys! Can't wait to dive for the bouquet at your wedding! :)

Banana -- or BaMANa -- Republic?

So I popped into Banana Republic at Crocker Park today because I got this crazy awesome Friends & Family 40% off coupon that was only good for two days. While I was browsing, I realized I was actually shopping in the men's department a lot. But not for clothes (after all, who would I be buying for??). For boys. Holy hottie alert, Batman!

I'll admit it... I am a sucker for a well-dressed guy. So naturally I am drawn to guys who shop at stores like J. Crew or Banana Republic vs., say, Cowboy Outfitters. But today was different. EVERY guy in the store was delicious and seemed to have just a really nice quality about him (you know, the kind of person you could imagine being friends with just based on sight alone). And because it was raining, many of them were wearing baseball caps (I LOVE when a guy looks cute in a baseball cap).

There was definitely some visual flirting going on (two different guys, in fact), but I didn't know what to do. I'm definitely going to need to work on potential pick-up maneuvers in case I am faced with this very fortunate situation again.

Regardless, I think I am going to have to start making weekly trips to BaMANa Republic.

Ex- sighting!

So, my friends all tell me that they've never met someone who runs into their ex-BFs as often as I do. And I'm starting to agree.

THE LOCATION: Einstein Bros. Bagels in Rocky River

THE EX: The Mush Mouth (college BF)

THE SCENE: Was waiting in line for my "everything bagel" and heard someone call my name. Turned around to see The Mush Mouth sitting at a table with his three-year-old son (who is adorable, BTW). Went over to say hi and ended up talking for about 20 minutes. We got caught up on each others' lives since the last time we ran into each other (about a year ago), laughed about old times (including the time that I accidentally barfed on his roomie's desk chair b/c I was so drunk I thought it was a toilet). In general, it was really nice to catch up. And as I was walking away, he yelled "You look great, by the way."

THE LESSON: Never leave the house looking like a pig. You never know what ex -- or future -- BF you might run into.

Ironically enough, I had stopped into Einstein on my way... you guessed it... to pick up another bridesmaid dress.

I think you're still single because...

When you're 32, single and seemingly a "catch," people *LOVE* to speculate about why you haven't found your knight in shining armor yet. And when they do, they usually try to pinpoint a singular reason.

Are you being too picky? I love when people automatically assume that a. I'm picky and b. that's the reason I'm single. Really, I'm not all that picky. I mean, I'm not going to date some cokehead who begs for money on Public Square, but I don't think that qualifies as being "picky." I am just looking for someone who is like me but with a... um... Y chromosome.

Maybe you're too intimidating to guys. I can not TELL you how many people say that the reason they think I'm single is that I'm intimidating. And every time they say that, I always ask what they mean by "intimidating" (because, let's face it, that word doesn't have the most positive connotation). Usually, the answer involves me being outgoing, professionally successful and pretty (their words, not mine... though I don't often argue b/c at least it makes me feel a teeny bit better about being solo). But last time I checked, I thought those were the attributes that guys were looking for. I guess that means unattractive, wallflower toilet cleaners are more desirable than me. But at least they're not intimidating.

Guys probably just assume you're already taken. I deal a little better with this suggestion because at least it takes the blame entirely off of me. I'm not saying I'm 100% perfect in the world of dating, but the picky and intimidating answers seem to suggest that my bachelorettehood is all my doing.

How come the answer can't just be that I just haven't found *the* guy yet?

The finders' fee

It just occurred to me that I have not yet posted about the finders' fee. Seeing as The Coach date was a direct result of the finders' fee challenge (and I'm guessing future posts will reference it), here's the deal.

I issued a $1,000 finders' fee to anyone who introduces me to my future husband. Could be friends, family, friends of friends, work associates, (you?), etc. The check will be handed over at my wedding reception.

Why? I'd rather go out with someone who is at least semi-vetted by someone I know (vs. randomly going out with someone from the bar, trolling for guys online, etc.). This way, the potential finders' fee awardee knows my general likes/dislikes in a guy, my personality, the kind of guy I generally gravitate toward, and so on.

Here's what I usually tell people I'm looking for (in no particular order):

1. Makes me laugh (which usually requires a sarcastic sense of humor and a very quick wit)


2. Is family-oriented


3. Has a job (or better -- a career) that he likes


4. Is Catholic (not required, but a definite plus)


5. Is polite to servers at restaurants (I've found that guys who are rude to servers have other tendencies I don't usually like)


6. Metrosexual (as in, he is a good dresser, doesn't have dirt under his nails and just generally keeps up his appearance... but that doesn't mean he isn't into sports or can't fix a leaky faucet)

It's modern-day matchmaking!

And I'll tell you what. I have never been introduced to so many people as I have since I issued this silly finders' fee. And as my friend Molly likes to remind me... it only takes one guy.

So, the offer still stands. Do YOU have someone in mind?

The stats on The Coach

So, I went out with The Coach on Wednesday nite. Met at a cozy little bar in Westlake after an after-work event I had to go to. Grabbed dinner and drinks and had a nice conversation, but was in and out in about an hour and a half.

But that's sort of it. It was... a nice conversation. No real sparks to speak of (and I am a believer in sparks from the start). And, there weren't really a ton of laughs -- which is a MUST for me -- except for the times when I was laughing at my own jokes to keep the conversation moving.

That said, he really was a very nice, sweet guy (my friend Sarah was right) and seems to come from a great family (also a big plus for me). But I'm just not sure "the spark" was there. Too bad. I think he might just be one of those guys who is great on paper, but then there's something missing in person.

Unfortunately, I think it might be "game over" for The Coach.

The name says it all

I just joined a Facebook group called, "My Friends Are Getting Married. I'm Just Getting Drunk." 'nuff said.

Speaking of Facebook... how incredibly scary is it that everyone on your friend list knows when you have a date if someone posts something on your wall about it? Cue segue...

I have a date tomorrow nite (we'll call him The Coach). My friend Sarah from college (who I rarely see anymore but always have a super fun time with when we do hang out) met him thru her BF and thought we'd get along. She has a very good track record of fix-ups (as in, several engagements/marriages have resulted), so I'm trusting her on this one.

But now my sisters (at least, one of my sisters) know about the date b/c Sarah posted something about it on my FB wall. Which means my ENTIRE FAMILY will know about this date within 20 minutes.

"Why are you still single?"

This is my absolute favorite question EVER. Seriously. Why the eff do people think that's a normal question to ask? I OBVIOUSLY don't have the answer or I wouldn't be single, right? But, here are my top three responses:

1. I was in a six-year relationship with a guy who turned out to be a gay nurse. [EDITOR'S NOTE: He was not really gay, but even I have to admit that he did have some tendencies.]


2. I guess I just haven't found the right guy yet.


3. I have cats.

This question seemed especially appropriate when people asked it at each of my younger sisters' weddings. Where I was dateless. It was usually followed up by, "You're next!" No kidding. I'm the only one left!

NOTE: An alternative version of this question is more behavioral , involving someone grabbing my left hand, looking at it in a perplexed manner and then dropping it while shaking his/her head in disgust.

The truth is, that until the past year or so, I have pretty much always had a boyfriend. Most notably, there was:

The Mush Mouth - my college boyfriend (we dated for 2+ years) and my first "real" BF. He mumbled everything he said (which did not go over well in my loud Italian family). He's now married with a kid and lives about 10 minutes from me.

The Murse - the guy I dated for six years (from ages 23 - 29) but who ultimately could not commit. After that long together, I issued a DNR on that relationship (even after he came back a year later asking for another chance).

The Divorcee - the guy I dated for about eight months after I broke up with the Murse. We got along really well, but he was just ultimately not ready to be dating seriously at that point in his life, and... well... I was.

There have been other randoms sprinkled in here and there, but obviously none of those guys panned out either. So, I guess for now I have to come to terms with that fact that I'll have to be prepared to keep answering that question.

Have any other ideas for how I can respond?

Just getting started...

I've been threatening to start a blog about my dating life for some time now, and a recent first date moved me into action. I kid you not, the guy asked me who my gyno was over dinner. (It should be noted that he sold lady part medical supplies for a living, but STILL. He asked me about my hoo-hah over a cured meat plate appetizer!!)

Does this stuff happen to anyone other than me?!?!?

Anyhow, I hope you enjoy my sometimes fun, sometimes bad, but always entertaining dating stories. And when I get a book or movie deal out of this crap, I promise not to forget the little people. :)