Lookin' for some fresh blood

So, I'm assuming you've probably noticed.

I haven't posted a lot lately.

And, when I have, it's often been cop-out posts (like the last two video links... though you have to admit that Brownie Husband skit WAS hilarious).

I'm just crazy busy with my job, working on Boards, contributing to nonprofit organizations, spoiling my little nugget niece and nephew and attempting (horribly, I might add) to keep up with friends and family.

(See? I actually do have a life outside of my attempts at dating. I just choose not to write about it here.)

The end of the craziness is in sight (I think!), but it's still several weeks out. That's where you come in.

I'm in desperate need of some guest posts to keep readers entertained while I attend to things that are -- dare I say? -- more important than writing here.

Who's game?!? Wanna be a guest blogger? Post a comment or email me at cleve27dresses(at)yahoo(dot)com.

The story of my life...

... no, seriously. I think this new show might actually be the story of my life.

Are you planning to watch Romantically Challenged tonite? Wonder which character will be most like me...

(Please, please... let it be Alyssa Milano. I'd die to have at least *some*thing in common with her!)

I don't usually like nuts in my bakery, but...

... I could always make an exception. ;)

Blast from the past

If you've been reading this blog for a while now, you're well aware of the six degrees of separation that is my dating life.

(Which is why I implemented this rule some time ago.)

Well, it happened again this weekend. While out for one last late-nite drink with a friend, I was sitting at the bar chatting and heard, "Hey, girl." (Yes, a man really said, "Hey, girl.")

It was the Mush Mouth. As you may remember, the Mush Mouth was my first "real" boyfriend who I dated for 2+ years during college and shortly after.

(He was so named by one of my relatives because he mumbled everything he said.)

So, back to this past weekend. The Mush Mouth approached and chatted with us for about 10 minutes. Ten very loooong minutes. Why long?

• I felt like he was flirting with me. Like, scrunching his nose up and smiling all weird when he was talking to me flirting.
  
• He rubbed my head. More than once. (I suppose I should say here that I HATE when people touch my head, unless I'm dating them. Or I'm at the hair salon. And he knows that.)
  
• He wasn't wearing his wedding ring. Based on our conversation, I was trying to figure out whether he was just being a schievy guy who doesn't wear his ring when he's not out with his wife, or whether there's something more going on in his personal life. I didn't ask.
• Did I mention the head rubbing?!?
  
• Lastly, he announced to my friend (after I told him about my new niece and nephew): "If anyone was born to be a mother, it was AAB." (There was a head rub following this comment as well.)

Eeew. It schievs me out when exes are a little TOO friendly after a break-up. (Don't get me wrong. I'm all about being civil after a break up. But there is a distinct difference between civil and acting like you've gone back in a time machine and are still together. And that time machine involves head rubbing.)

Have you ever had a run-in with an ex that was just a little TOO friendly? How did you handle it?

(My solution was to nervously down my beer.)

The dog ate my homework...

... and other such nonsense.

Over the past couple of months, I have had a few guys very lamely cancel and/or postpone dates with me using the WORST excuses imaginable.

(Seriously, boys. If you want to cancel, just say so.)

(Also, FWIW, I barely talked to and/or emailed/texted with the boys who cancelled these dates, so I don't even feel like they had enough exposure to me to even warrant a cancellation!)

Regardless, here are some of the doozies I've heard lately:

• My mother had a heart attack. (Note: I'm not a totally cold-hearted bitch. I felt TERRIBLE when I heard this one. Until he cancelled with a lame excuse a second time. Gloves off, buddy.)
• I have a wake to go to. (Again, not totally cold hearted. But he also followed this one up with a second blow-off.)
  
• I was out of town and am just now getting back to people. (Oh, sorry. Didn't realize your phone doesn't work when you're out of town. And thanks for calling me "people.")
  
• My brother got married. (I'm guessing you went dateless based on your inability to keep plans??)
  
• A client rescheduled a dinner to tonite and "I gotta pay the bills!" (Eeew.)
  

If I didn't know better, I'd start to get a complex. But instead, I'm just shaking my head and wondering what the next lame excuse I'll hear is.

What's the worst reason you've heard for cancelling/postponing a date?

Fools need not apply

Did you forget about the finders' fee, peeps? Just don't set me up with a guy who's a joke. :)

Happy April Fool's Day!

The 84-year-old bride

I get my fair share of email forwards from blogmom and blogdad, most of which I delete before reading.

(Sorry, blogmom & blogdad! But mama's gotta get to work and bring home the bacon, peeps.)

Anyhow, for some reason, I opened and read this one. Gave me a good little chuckle. Here goes:

The local news station was interviewing an 84-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 84, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's and, now, in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

"Easy son," she smiled. "I married one for the money... two for the show... three to get ready... and four to go!"

Fifty more years, and I could be on my fourth marriage too! (Let's hope not!)